question for working moms

missw22

Im only taking a few weeks off after my son is born before I have to go back to work, but we have decided to skip the daycare route since we have alot of family members who are wanting to watch him for us while we are at work. My question is have any of you gone this route and if so how well has it worked out? Did you find it more helpful or overwhelming?
I know it seems silly at this point, but I am already feeling a bit overwhlemed by family members insisting they watch our son "all the time" while hubby and I are at work and he isn't even out of the womb yet.

DoughGirl

Wanting to watch a newborn baby and committing to full time daycare are waaaaay different. I'm sure that your family means well, but for us, it was not an option I was comfortable with.

We don't have any family in the immediate area, but we had many SAHM friends offer to watch DS for us.  All it takes it one 7 am phone call with "our DC has a cold so I can't watch your baby today" or " We can't watch him next Thursday" to find that it's a bad idea. I love knowing that daycare is there every day, rain or shine, 52 weeks a year. 

Plus, my family tends to undermine my parental authority. We limit sugar and my mom can't wait to give DS a cookie....and so on.  With daycare, I send the food and sign a food log that specifically says what he can and can't have.

For us, daycare was a way better option.

Mrs.McLovin

Depends on your family members. I know my mom would honor my wishes. Not so sure about some other people.

Also, how dependable are your family? Like the pp said, daycare is always there.

Plus it is a lot to have someone take care of an infant. Also, what will you have to provide for each person watching the baby? Carseat? Pack N Play?

wheelenl

I would consider a few things:

1) It's going to be a lot of hassle to have lots of different caregivers, and could be overwhelming for LO. Example, we have two scenarios, daycare and Grandma. My LO will only sleep in his swing going side to side, so we have to have three of those swings in rotation.

2) How many are grandmas/great-grandmas? Is this the first grandbaby? Grandmas have a hard time not spoiling them. It's fine--they are grandparents. However, they need to be able to follow your schedule and your rules. We deal with this from time to time with my MIL. 

 

innes1015

We are currently in this situation.  My sister watches LO since she is at home with her LOs.  Its nice because it is far cheaper than daycare, however, I have to drive slightly out of my way to get there.  Also, there are times I feel like my sister can't be his aunt because she is his caregiver.  Expense wise though we have had to buy an extra base for her car, and also an extra convertible carseat to use now.  We have also faced the issue when she wants to go on vacation we need to find alternatives, or when one of her kids is sick.  

Beginning in August we will be taking LO to a daycare.  I think it will be better for him and will put less strain on my family.  We will definitely still use her if for some reason he can't go to daycare. 

hiltyn78

we've been using a 'like-family' member since DD was 3 mos old.  I wish wish wish I would have put an end date on it b/c since she hit 1, I 've wanted to pull her out but don't have the balls to do it b/c of the family drama that will ensue.  I think it *Can* be a great thing especially while your LO is really little but the really-little stage doesn't last that long.

abergale

I had my DD in April and I work in Education so I only work until the 2 week of June. So I was out for 6 weeks and went back for 4. During the 4 weeks my MIL came to town to watch her than I was off for the summer and sent her at 4 months to DC. Also we take her out of DC June, July, 1/2 Aug and my mother watches her for the 2 weeks in June and Aug so we can save the money. That was the best thing for us because it could work for us! I would say look at the DC and the cost of it so you have a back up plan. Also works on people committing to a time. Like have one set of grandparents watch baby Mon and Thus and Aunt on this day etc etc so you know they are really committed and your child has a regular care giver. If it doesn't work out you can do dc then.

hilltop

In the right situation I think it could work, but it did not work for me. I spent half a year stressed out and driving more to avoid daycare. What really got me was all of the planning that was involved. Making sure the person that I thought was watching my son the next day truly was watching my son and the stress I had if someone could not watch him when I needed them to watch him. My husband, dad, and a friend were the only three people who took care of my son when I was at work.

It is so much easier with daycare. I do not have to plan out every detail. I drop my children off in the morning. If my husband can get them he does (he has a crazy work schedule), and my dad is still around for the random daycare closing or when one of my children gets sick.

abpdjs

Carson was watched by il's for the first year.  Primarily sil but their whole family lives close by each other so he would see his aunts/uncles/grandparents almost everyday.  My sil that watched him, i went through her for all my requests/wishes for Carson but i am sure there were things here and there that they did that i may not approve of - nothing  bad, just something i might be more anal about but for the most part they all respected my wishes with eating/sleeping/no tv/tummy time all that fun stuff.

After the first year mil/fil started offering to take him once week, that was fine with me as long as they adhere to his routine and Carson adjusted fine. and at this time i started him in a inhome daycare 2 days per week.  so he was in 3 different places a week for a while and he did JUST FINE!  we all adhered to the inhome daycare providers schedule. 

At two years old we started daycare center full time.

I will say this, it was more stressful on me to try to keep everyone on the same page with Carson's different phases/changes.

i think it is do-able you have to be open, honest, and up front with what you want for dc. gl!

missw22

Thank you ladies, this has all been very good advice. I'll definately have to talk out the details with our families and make sure everyone is on the same page before we agree to anything And definately look into some daycares just in case it just doesn't work out.

CTJune06

I work part time- DD goes to a sitter 2x a week and my parents watch her 1 day. I think it works really well. I get along really well with my parents and they are so respectful of how we want to raise DD. I love that she has a day with them all to herself and I honestly think my parents really enjoy watching her. I think anything more than that may cross the line into being somewhat of a burden...and I want them to enjoy DD and not look at it any differently. Not that they wouldn't love and adore her...not sure if that makes sense. I wouldn't want to blur the lines between daycare provider and grandparent. So for us, 1 day a week totally works.

Bella427

My dad offered to watch DD and what we ended up doing was sending her to daycare 4 days a week and him watching her once a week.  We paid for her to go full time, which turned out to be smart b/c my dad would occasionally have scheduling conflicts.

SportsLover

We had a nanny until my boys were 16 months and I was off for the summer (I teach).  I loved having someone who came to my house and felt that we were able to avoid sickness.  When I returned to work this fall, I enrolled them in daycare 3 days per week while my parents watch them 2 days.  I loved having a nanny and love our current situation too.  Before you commit to any family member, make sure they understand the committment, ask them if they are willing to take DC if he is sick and what their long term committment will be.  Think about the logistics of the situation too.  Will they be coming to your house?  Will they need a carseat?  There are many factors involved when volunteering to babysit.  I would definitely research daycares just to be safe.  Good luck!

JLS0320

My mom watches DS Mon-Fri, unless DH or myself are home for some reason. I love it because she really cares for him and has his best interests in mind. Sometimes she comes to our home, but mostly goes to hers. It can be frustrating though if my parents are sick or are wanting to go away. Also, if you have an issue it is harder to tell a family member than staff at daycare. I wouldn't change our situation though.

yellowcar

DoughGirl:

Wanting to watch a newborn baby and committing to full time daycare are waaaaay different.

I could not have said it better myself.

Have any of them actually sat down with you and worked out a schedule?  Do they understand that you need consistent, reliable care, and not just a "baby sitter" who might change their mind?

And how do you feel about their parenting styles?  Are there things that they do and say that don't sit well with you?  Do you think that they will abide by your wishes and follow your directions?

These are all questions that only you can answer.  You have to have an immense amount of trust in your caregiver so that you feel comfortable leaving your child.

pumpkin_head

It definitely depends on who it is.  My MIL watches DD M-F and I could not ask for a better situation.  However, if it was MY mother it would be a nightmare.  MIL and I have similar parenting styles and she's so great with DD.  I drop her off in the morning and DH picks her up.  We really have had no issues and love that she's in a caring environment.

If you decide to go the family route, just make sure you discuss everything up front and set expectations before you start.  When we started, I printed a calendar for the next three months and noted which days we were off, drop-off and pick-up times, phone numbers, etc. so she knew what to expect.

grrlygirl

My mother has my daughter on Mondays.   My sister is my regular daycare. MIL is my backup daycare in emergencies.  So I have a lot of experience with this.

I would pay any and all of them.  I do pay my sister - market rate.  Period.  For a couple reasons - it puts me in the drivers seat around my DD's care.  It's also kept all resentment out of the arrangement.  My mother refuses money, as would MIL (I've only needed her a few times in a year), but I would pay them too.

In your situation, pick only that individual/arrangement that works for you.  Meaning the person who is most likely to provide care and also respect your decisions as the parent.  The latter is just as important as the former, by the way.  And lifestyle matters - my sister's kids watch far more tv and eat more treats than I prefer, but DD is there only 3.5 days a week, so it's not a hill I will die on.  If she was there 5 days a week, I might.