Mom gave DS bananas without asking...am I overreacting?

Manderlin923

So our pedi gave us the go ahead to start cereal at 4 months. I was insistent that we would wait until 6 months. I even thought of doing BLW. Well, DS has been showing signs of readiness and began sitting up and I decided, what the heck, we'd start cereal at a little over 5 months. We only gave him a tiny amount, only two times. I thought we'd just do a few times and then at 6 months end cereal and just start fruits and veggies. Our pedi also said no fruits or veggies prior to six months.

My mom babysat last weekend and told me she was eating a banana and he was watching her and she put it near his mouth and let him suck on it. I calmly told her I'd prefer him not doing that and would like her to ASK me before she gives him any food or drink. I explained what the pedi said and she responded with, "Well he just tasted it, he didn't even eat it." well, whatever. 

Today I picked him up and she said, "we gave him some mashed bananas mixed with breastmilk!" to which I got sort of upset. Because I already told her we were waiting and wanted her to ask me first. She said he only had one bite (which I find doubtful) but he really liked it, etc... call me crazy but I wanted to be the first one to give him real food. And I know he's already had cereal so maybe it's dumb but I really want to wait for fruits and veggies till he's 6 months. It's not like he even got cereal a lot. He probably ate 4 tablespoons total and that was last week. My mom got very defensive and said she'd raised three kids, and I ate solids and turned out fine, etc... and I get that. I just think it should be ran by me first. WDYT? Am I overreacting? It was only one bite but still...

sunnyday016

I think you have a right to be annoyed and your mom should consult with you before feeding him anything new. But I wouldn't be too upset-it was one bite. He's fine.

mechanicsgirl

I'd be furious.  It's no one else's business to give your child ANYTHING without your permission.  I just discussed this with my mother the other day because she's the only one who watches DD, and she agreed that there's no reason to give DD food of any sort without my permission (conversation started because SIL was pissed at MIL because MIL gave my nephew - 10 months - pancakes with butter and syrup without telling her). 

I don't know what I'd do in your situation other than tell her again not to feed your LO food without talking to you about it first, but honestly, if my daughter's caretaker (be it my mother or anyone else) did that, I'd be rethinking leaving DD there.

Breezy.Lives

I'd be angry - not because she gave him banana, but because you'd *already* told her to check with you.  I can understand if she wasn't thinking and just did it, but you'd already made your wishes known.  It sounds from your post like she blatantly went against what you asked her to do.  Not cool.

KatieTheMagnificent

I'd be pretty upset.

I have friends with children that have SEVERE food allergies.  If someone just happened to slip one of them something with egg in it (like a cookie), it would probably kill him.  It's not something that I would take lightly ...

webMistress0609

Yes, she's raised 3 kids, but she's not your DS's parent, you are. You call the shots. If you want to wait till 6 months, she needs to respect that. It also used to be common to not put kids in carseats & a lot of us survived, but we wouldn't think of letting our LOs sit in our laps, kwim?

I think you need to be firm with her on this. Others may disagree, but we've had multiple issues with DH's family trying to override decisions we've made as a family, & I've learned the hard way you have to nip it in the bud quickly & firmly or else it will get out of hand. 

Have a talk with her about it & just explain that you're not trying to say she's making poor decisions or  whatever, it's just that you have already decided how you want to approach solids, & she needs to respect that, because it's up to you & DH, not her.

 

ETA: Someone  mentioned allergies above, & that's one of the reasons I feel really strongly about this. I've explained to MIL several times that DSs dairy allergy is NOT lactose intolerance, & she still tried to give him something made w/ lactose free milk. He would've been violently ill. She still insists on arguing with me that lactose intolerance is the same thing, even though I've told her I'm lactose intolerant, only drank lactose free milk, DS was still getting sick. You get the idea. 

JulieandBen

I think it really comes down to what you said in here about YOU wanting to be the first to experience these milestones with your son. Maybe if you explain to her that this is the real meaning behind you being upset she may respect this more than feeling like you are questioning her judgement.

You may look back on this later and realize a bite of banana before six months wasn't a big deal. The fact that you missed your little man's expression for it was. Not that you'll look back and really regret that. It's really not that big of a deal, but you know what I mean.

I have some time but I'm going to have to look into why solids are ok at 4m now. We waited one week shy of six months with my first. This one is EBF so I won't be adding anything before six months anyway. (I may have to eat crow on this one later.)

bridellie

I'd be very angry, not only because she went against your wishes, but what would she have done if he were allergic to bananas? Especially since you just started another food last week. (It would be hard to distinguish what he was allergic to.) Like PP said, I would be rethinking where I left my LO. I know she's you mom, but if she can't follow through with your wishes, she may not be the best caretaker for your son.

Manderlin923

webMistress0609:

Yes, she's raised 3 kids, but she's not your DS's parent, you are. You call the shots. If you want to wait till 6 months, she needs to respect that. It also used to be common to not put kids in carseats & a lot of us survived, but we wouldn't think of letting our LOs sit in our laps, kwim?

I think you need to be firm with her on this. Others may disagree, but we've had multiple issues with DH's family trying to override decisions we've made as a family, & I've learned the hard way you have to nip it in the bud quickly & firmly or else it will get out of hand. 

Have a talk with her about it & just explain that you're not trying to say she's making poor decisions or  whatever, it's just that you have already decided how you want to approach solids, & she needs to respect that, because it's up to you & DH, not her.

That is exactly what I said to her! 

Thanks for the advice. I think she did feel badly because I kept going off on her about it. I know she loves him to pieces and just thinks maybe she knows best because she has raised three kids. I just need to explain it to her again when I'm not so upset I think... 

Manderlin923

JulieandBen:

I think it really comes down to what you said in here about YOU wanting to be the first to experience these milestones with your son. Maybe if you explain to her that this is the real meaning behind you being upset she may respect this more than feeling like you are questioning her judgement.

You may look back on this later and realize a bite of banana before six months wasn't a big deal. The fact that you missed your little man's expression for it was. Not that you'll look back and really regret that. It's really not that big of a deal, but you know what I mean.

I have some time but I'm going to have to look into why solids are ok at 4m now. We waited one week shy of six months with my first. This one is EBF so I won't be adding anything before six months anyway. (I may have to eat crow on this one later.)

We are breastfeeding too. The solids are generally recommended to wait till 6 months, that's why I told pedi we'd be waiting. But I thought, well not all babies develop the same and I felt he was ready for cereal so we started, three? I think weeks early based on those guidelines.

Thanks- good points. 

And to those posts saying maybe I should reconsider her watching him, thank you, but I can't do that. For one thing, it's free and we have NO money right now and for another, I do trust my mom. This is just one issue and it's the only problem we have had. My mom is amazing and she does take excellent care of him. I just think she maybe didn't realize how serious I was...I don't think she'll make the same mistake again. I just don't want it to sound like she's a horrible person because she's not. I just wish she'd open up her ears a little more! 

MrsAmers

Breezy.Lives:

I'd be angry - not because she gave him banana, but because you'd *already* told her to check with you.  I can understand if she wasn't thinking and just did it, but you'd already made your wishes known.  It sounds from your post like she blatantly went against what you asked her to do.  Not cool.

This!  Ditto 100%.

Tonya_G

Breezy.Lives:

I'd be angry - not because she gave him banana, but because you'd *already* told her to check with you.  I can understand if she wasn't thinking and just did it, but you'd already made your wishes known.  It sounds from your post like she blatantly went against what you asked her to do.  Not cool.

This. It's not even the banana at issue, really, it's the fact that you've asked she not do this and she did anyway. I've had this problem with my parents and DS- I finally had to tell them that if they couldn't follow through on the couple of things I felt were really important in caring for DS (diet, sleep, discipline issues), then I'd just let MIL watch him instead, b/c she would follow our wishes. Not the route I wanted to go, but they got the point, and are better about things now. Do pick your battles though- I've let certain things go (like how much tv he watches over there- it's 2-3 days out of the month, and TV watching is minimal at home, so I just turn a blind eye on that one!).

stever

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I love my dad like crazy, but I won't  let him watch DS because he's made it perfectly clear that he holds many of our parenting choices in contempt.

EcoBaby

I would definitely be upset - mostly because I wanted to be the one to feed him his first food. I also think she needs to respect your wishes.

As to what he actually ate - I don't think that's a big deal. But those other two things I would be furious about, honestly.

Quazel

Breezy.Lives:

I'd be angry - not because she gave him banana, but because you'd *already* told her to check with you.  I can understand if she wasn't thinking and just did it, but you'd already made your wishes known.  It sounds from your post like she blatantly went against what you asked her to do.  Not cool.

ITA!  We had a huge incident with my ILs this past weekend very much along these lines.  We are still furious with them.  It is so hard.  You need to define your role as the absolute authority without alienating.  We are trying to figure that out now.  Good luck!

baby_soon_31

i am going to go against the dominant opinion here - it's not worth getting too upset over this. She has not endangered your son by giving him a bit of banana... bananas are great first foods, not likely to produce any allergic reactions.

i know it is upsetting (you should have seen how furious i was when i found out my DH gave DD ice cream at 4 months..... followed by a taste of some soda (!) probably not too long after...  i am not saying it was a good idea to do so, but my DH's experiment did not cause any harm to DD. It is simply his parenting style - to encourage her to try new things.... )  But really - calm down and simply explain to your mom why this is a big deal for you (without sounding upset). Explain about current recommendations from pediatricians - she may simply not be aware... I am sure she will understand and won't do this again.

Oh, and believe me, she also wants to be the first one to give your son first foods....  knowing how some grandparents think - she may even think she has more of a right to do it than you.... good luck if that is the case - this is probably going to drive you nuts. :-) i am really glad neither my mom nor MIL will be visiting from overseas when the solids time comes around ...

anna7602

I would be really ticked. This isn't about whether bananas will harm your DS (they likely will have no effect), it's about BOUNDARIES. Your mom deliberately disregarded your wishes. I would have a hard time trusting her to follow my wishes in other situations.

sunnyday016

I'm seeing the word "furious" in a lot of these answers, which is surprising to me. I guess I didn't realize how relaxed I really am. I'm not going to get furious over a bit of banana. That's silly. I know the bigger issue is that she went against your wishes, which would be annoying, but nothing I would get furious about. Seems like a waste of energy. 

MrsErinnElizabeth

anna7602:

I would be really ticked. This isn't about whether bananas will harm your DS (they likely will have no effect), it's about BOUNDARIES. Your mom deliberately disregarded your wishes. I would have a hard time trusting her to follow my wishes in other situations.

This.

I would be so pissed.  I'm really looking forward to seeing DD's reaction to different foods and would be so upset if this happened to me.

jenifairies

I would be upset that she ignored my instructions. But this isn't a die-on-a-dagger issue.

My grandma took my 1 mo old's paci, dunked it in sugar and tried to shove it in her mouth (to cure hiccups). I caught her before it went in and she acted like *I* was the crazy one.

Bride2b2004

I would be angry.  Yes, she raised 3 kids.  She got to do things her way.  Now it is your turn and things must be done your way.  I would be angry.  Especially since you just had this conversation.  I do not leave my child with someone that does not respect my decisions as a mother.  I would need to have a real heart to heart.  

Sunny1inTucson

I think in the heat of the moment and when your kiddo is 6 months, this is a very common thing to get upset about.

Now that I'm beyond the introducing foods stage, I don't think it's a big deal. Granted I don't know much about BLW, but isn't the point to go by what the LO is interested in? You said he's been showing signs of readiness..well she paid attention.

Further, bananas + breastmilk is really one of the best first foods to offer.

I know you might feel like something was "taken" away from you, but honestly feeding LO for the first time is sort of a let down imo. Even at 6 mos, my LO was not at all interested. Every kid is different.

So I can see why you're upset about her not listening, but IMO she did it the correct way - bananas with breastmilk, not forcing but seeing if LO takes it.  

SusieQ1982

I would be upset because you asked her to discuss it with you first, and she decided that wasn't necessary.

And yeah, I want to be the first one to feed my son food, too.

otc

My mom did this, but with PB and after I told her not to.  It's a power struggle.  I think that I told my mother that if she wanted me to continue to respect her as my mother, she needed to respect me as one.  Eye rolls ensued but she got the point.  I would call your mom and tell her that you love her, think she's a great grandmother, but please don't feed him until you give her the ok.  You will be leading all the foods and that allergies are rapant and she needs to follow your guidelines.  Just like she had her babies sleep on their tummy's we now sleep on our backs.  Thank her for babysitting and then each time you drop him off, let her know what he's eating at this point and nothing else to be added.

Be STRONG!