3rd Trimester

Did knowing the sex of the baby help everything feel more real and/or help you feel more connected?

I'm wondering if everything can feel more real/connected once you know the sex. I guess it's a personal thing, but I'm wondering if maybe I "need" to know.

Re: Did knowing the sex of the baby help everything feel more real and/or help you feel more connected?

  • Not for me.  I didn't find out with DD and we did find out for this one.  I don't feel any more connected to him than I did to Ashlyn.  It just makes picking out names half as hard.
  • Not for me. I definitely thought it would, but feeling him move in there is what made it real to me. I am hoping to go team green next time.
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  • I just like calling him by name, instead of the original nickname we used before that u/s.

    It does make preparing for baby easier IMO.

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  • Nope. I actually wanted to go Team Green this time around, but DH threw a fit, lol

    This is my second baby and I didn't feel bonded to her at all until about 33 or 34 weeks. I loved her (of course) and wanted her to be safe, but I have just recently gotten excited to meet her.

    So, if you're worried that you don't feel that connection yet, don't worry. Also, it's normal to not feel connected until LO is a week or two old. With my son I felt like a baby sitter until one night at about 2AM I was feeding him and he looked into my eyes and I fell in love.  Smile

    It's just like meeting anyone else for the first time. You have to get to know them!  Smile

  • I wanted to know the sex the second I found out that I was pregnant. It did seem more real when I was able to say "My Little Guy" instead of "My Little Lima Bean" (I thought that he looked like a lima bean in the first u/s).  And hubby got really excited - He said "Wow, it looks so big" - well of course it looks big - they put it on a 36 inch monitor on the wall! He went looking for football jerseys the very next day!
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  • For me it did.. For some reason this pregnancy i didn't feel much of a connection in the beginning.. Once i knew we were having a boy and we picked a name and started calling him by it, i really felt more of a bond. Also its around the time he started moving and that really helped me feel more of a connection as well.

  • I HAD to know.  I wasn't feeling connected to the baby at all.  I just felt like I had this thing growing in me,  taking my energy and hijacking my emotions and sensations.  I needed to know who this little person was that I was growing.  When my DH and I went into the 'big" ultrasound, we had both names picked out... DH wanted to wait, but I needed to walk out of that room knowing who the little person was.  

     

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  • I thought it would, but what really did it was quickening!!

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  • It really did make a difference for me & my hubby. We didn't want to find out, but we did not on purpose at 32 weeks. 

    The second I saw the picture I was not supposed to see there was this huge shift. I really felt like I had to take even better care of myself for my SON. It was weird. I also went out the next day, and got him bedding just for him, changed all the neutral stuff on my registry just in time for my first shower. He got soooo much cool stuff.

    Another thing we realized is we really enjoy the time to appreciate it. Once the kid comes out, and we get home I'm not sure we'd enjoy as much as we have. We love shopping for him.

    Soooo, that's just us. We're first time parents. We didn't know for a loooonng time. And, we get to enjoy knowing/planning now too. Kinda the best of both.

    :) 

  • We have actually done it both ways - we found out with my first 2 and this one is a surprise. 

    I don't feel any more or less connected to the baby. Although I never really feel connected till the baby is born. I am WAY more excited for labor to begin and I really think not knowing will give me the extra boost I need while pushing.  

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  • I can't say for sure but I doubt it - it felt the most real when I could start to feel him move around. Giving him a name and talking about him by that name sure makes very real though. But I imagine if we didn't know I'd still feel just as connected...
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  • For me, it did. 

    Had I not found out the sex, it may have come to feel more "real" anyway, or I may have connected with him just as much... but for me it was pretty immediate, just knowing more about the LO inside and being able to more clearly envision what life will be like with a boy vs. a girl. I'm not a huge "planner," so I didn't necessarily need to know, but I am definitely a dreamer and so knowing makes it that much easier to fantasize and daydream about this LO. :)

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  • 1st time around we found out the sex and I think it helped DH& I feel more connected to our little guy.  It helped dh connect more than me since I could feel ds all day long but alot of the times he went to feel him moving he would stop.  It was sad for dh.  Once we knew the sex and decided on a name it was like he was already an outside baby, if that makes sense.  Also I was really nervous with all of the unknowns in pregnancy and knowing it was a boy gave me some peace of mind, at least I knew one thing for sure, lol.
  • I don't know the sex, and I don't feel I'm missing out on anything.

    Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
  • This is my first but knowing its a boy is awesome because I call him by name. I found out at only 14 weeks that he was a boy so I didnt not know for very long. I love being able to talk to him and tickle his feet. I do believe we'd still have the connection if I didnt know the sex though.

    Your little hands wrapped around my finger and its so quiet in the world tonight Your little eye lids flutter cause your dreamin so I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light To you everything's funny, you've got nothing to regret I'd give all I have hunny, if you could stay like that Oh darling dont you ever grow up, dont you ever grow up, just stay this little Oh darling dont you ever grow up dont you ever grow up, it could stay this simple I wont let nobody hurt you, wont let no one break your heart, no one will desert you Just try to never grow up imageimage Pregnancy Ticker Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • We are Team Green and I think that I feel as connected to my baby as I can possibly be. I agree with PPs, you have to really know someone to feel 100% connected.

    One of my Team Green friends decided that she truly wanted to find out the gender, so she did. She felt like it was a huge letdown. She had been preparing for the whole "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!" moment in the delivery room and was sad she couldn't have it anymore. I didn't ask her about feeling connected, I just know she wished she would have just waited. Of course, I am sure there are those who were TG, found out, and loved it.

    GL to you whatever you decide to do!

  • We didn't find out with DS, but we did find out this time.  I didn't feel really "connected" until DS was born and I had time to bond with him.  I feel the same way this time.

    It is easier to pick out names though. . . since we only need to focus on girl ones this time.

  • I didnt know until two weeks ago and I wouldnt say I feel more connected...it just made things easier as far as planning/buying clothes and stuff goes.
  • I agree, I don't think knowing the sex has made me feel more connected.  I've posted about this before, with DD I didn't feel connected at all until she was in my arms. 
  • Nope, knowing the gender didn't make it feel more real or make me feel more connected. It just made it nice to be able to call her by her name.
  • It did for me.  I wanted to know what to call him and stop wondering and calling him "it".  It helped me imagine more about him particularly. Wonder about "him" as opposed to wonder about either/or.
  • Personally, DH and I just wanted to know. This is our first and we were so excited to find out. We wanted to know so we could call our baby by name, and say "she" instead of "it". I don't know if it necessarly made it more real to us, but we just wanted to be able to label her as a little girl.
  • It helped me visualize my baby in a more accurate way and subsequently helped me bond more to the idea of having him.

    I realize some people don't need that inormation to start the bonding process, but it sure helped me. 

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  • we didnt find out with DS#1 and with this one we found out. I liked not knowing better, it was just more fun. this Pregnancy has gone fast. Im thinking thats why it still just doesnt seem like i should be having a baby in like 8 weeks! lol

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  • imageMissal5:

    we didnt find out with DS#1 and with this one we found out. I liked not knowing better, it was just more fun. this Pregnancy has gone fast. Im thinking thats why it still just doesnt seem like i should be having a baby in like 8 weeks! lol

    Labour buddy! How are you feeling? It's been awhile, hope things are well Wink

  • For me, I had to know.......I am a planner but that wasn't my motivation to find out.

    I have to guiltily admit that I was hoping for a girl.  DH was hoping for a girl.......everyone was hoping and thinking it was a girl except my FIL (he only wanted a boy so he could tell us to name it after him). 

    So everyone was mentally geared up for a girl, and I was petrified that based on my feelings and family pressure that if LO was a boy, that I would have some sort of feeling of disappointment in the delivery room.

    and.....it's a boy!!  I have to admit, there was a split second of disappointment, but then I started to embrace my little boy.  I am so excited for his arrival and I am very happy that we decided to find out.  I feel more connected and that I can imagine the future accurately

  • I didn't find out with the first one, and it was kind of hard to bond right away. And we had no practice at the name, so sometimes it was hard to even spit her name out correctly.

    I found out this time, and I really think it has helped me to know the gender and the name (now that we've finally chosen one).

  • 100%. I became connected to my pregnancy the day I found out I was having boy/girl twins. Not a moment before. I have begun to get excited and fall in love with these babies.

    But, I think, it depends on your situation around the time you got pregnant. It was a surprise pregnancy for me.

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  • In my case, yes, it did. And I think it really helped DH. We immediately know what his name was going to be, so we started calling him by his name and could really "see" things. I'm sure it's not the same for everyone, but as I said, in our case, it has been a great thing for us.
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  • For us it did. When we found out, it was like we flipped a switch.

     

    But thats not true for everyone and its a personal decision.

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