Kinda freaked out now
Hi there - I am a little freaked out tonight and could use some sort of encouragement or positive thinking. DH and I invited our close friends over tonight, one of whom had her second about a month ago. We went ahead and shared our news about Baby #2 and then one of the other couple also made a similar announcement, although she is 10 weeks along now.
Later, when talking with these two women, they commented about me sharing my news early and I made the remark that I must be feeling confident since things went pretty smoothly for me last time. Then they both revealed that they had experienced a loss previously, after their first pregnancies. I was really startled - I know that this is more common than I probably realize, but I have never known anyone personally who experienced it. When I told my DH about it later he reminded me of another friend of his who had a similar story - all three of them had losses with their second pregnancies after having perfectly fine and normal first pregnancies.
So now I am really worried that I have been too quick to assume everything will be okay for me and I am actually seriously worried that I've "jinxed" this pregnancy by being openly confident about it. And it's going to be so hard to wait another 3 weeks to see the doctor and confirm that there is a heartbeat, which I know doesn't even mean I'm out of the woods.
I've just never really thought anything like that would happen to me - I know that probably everyone feels that way, but I just KNOW that I have made a mistake by opening my mouth. I feel like I just stuck my chin out there and dared fate to smack me down.
I know this is a sensitive topic and I truly hope I'm not offending anyone with this, I just feel really scared and needed to get these thoughts out, and I hoped maybe someone else on this board has some words of encouragement for me so I can try to stay positive. Thanks for listening!
Re: Kinda freaked out now
This and hang in there.
A lot of people have miscarriages and never talk about them. That being said, it has nothing to do with you.
It's normal to be concerned, but there is no point in worrying about it. And, you are not tempting fate by coming out with the news 'early.' Happy and healthy 9 months
I've been pg twice, have one child and another at 34w4d. I've never had a miscarriage. Out of my three close friends, two have never had miscarriages - one has 3 kids, the other has three and is pg with #4. The only one who did lost twins at 13weeks (her first pg), and had not told anyone. When she called to tell me what had happened, she said it had been horrible because nobody knew waht she was going through and she had felt very alone. The next time she got pregnant, she told me at 4w. She said she would rather tell and have support than feel scared and alone.
There is no typical experience, and just because your friends both experienced losses after their first child does not mean you will. And, even if the worst were to happen, you may feel better knowing that people know and can support you. There's nothing wrong with that.
Don't worry. Chances are you're fine. I wish you a happy and healthy nine months!
Ok I actually really disagree with the PP that said you should call the friends you told and tell them not to tell anyone!!
I think it was really RUDE of them to say anything negative at all about you sharing your news. I mean, had you come to them before you shared the news to get their opinion, then they could tell you what they think. But once the news is out, they should have nothing but good thoughts for you and if they think you've shared the news a bit too early, keep it to themselves!!!
Are they going to be any less supportive or tell you "I told you so" if, God Forbid, something does happen?
Miscarriages are common but not everyone experiences them and they happen whether you share the news at 5 weeks or at 11 weeks or even later sometimes.
I say, fooey on them....enjoy sharing the news and don't let them rain on your parade. You haven't "jinxed" anything....your body is going to do what it wants/needs to do regardless of when you share the news.
Enjoy every minute of it!
O MY!! Way to go Friends!! How about a little....congrats, or I'm so happy for you! I wouldn't listen to anyone that has anything negative to say about your preg. Be happy! Enjoy this! Every minute of it too!
If anyone says anything like that to you, I would look right at them and say, are you trying to scare me or make me feel bad right now, cause that's what your doing.
I'm sorry they did that to you, stop listening to horror stories and enjoy your preg., ok? Everyone always has stories, some should be told though.
Good Luck!!
Shouldn't be told
Sorry
Relax. When you tell people about your pregnancy is totally up to you and your partner/dh. Some women keep it to themselves longer than others. Really, I think the two women who followed up your news with miscarriage stories were being quite insensitive. I think your reaction-- after those stories-- is normal.
Think about whether or not you want to keep spreading the news now or keep it yourselves a little longer. But I am sure you did not hurt your pregnancy by feeling happy and confident about it!
Thank you all so much for the supportive words - that is just exactly what I needed to hear! I know everyone's experience is different and that my telling my news isn't going to change what will or won't happen - it just really hit me hard hearing that from them.
I haven't been telling the whole world or anything - I've told family and friends who, if the worst did happen, are the same people I would turn to for support, so after a night's rest and reading your replies, and listening to my DH's positive encouragement, I'm feeling a lot better about everything. I am just going to remain positive and happy and be excited about this - just like I did the first time around!!
Thank you all again!
I have seen so many posts of this type about when to tell and frankly- I don't understand why it's considered the "right" thing to do to keep your pregnancy a secret so that if you suffer a loss- you have to suffer alone and in silence. I don't get that AT ALL.
PlainandTall - I completely agree. I never used to feel that way either, I just couldn't keep the news to myself the first time or this time either. Maybe it depends on your personality - if something terrible happened I'm the type of person who would want to talk about it with my family and friends anyway, so keeping everything a secret is not my style to begin with. It wasn't that they made me feel bad about telling so much as they scared me with the idea that something bad would happen. Not like I didn't know it was possible, but somehow the conversation with my two friends just made it seem so real and so likely. But I still don't regret sharing my news.