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This isn't about you, BM!

hterry85hterry85 member
in Blended Families

BM has known about this pregnancy from pretty early on. And DH has reminded her a couple times over the last several weeks that my due date was approaching. The last thing we wanted to deal with was her throwing a fit when it came time to have the baby should if have any impact (ie labor) on the time DH gets ss. So what does she do?? She threw a fit...

DHs work schedule alternates each week between having Tuesday and Thursday off. Whichever day he has off is the day he has ss. This coming week he would normally have Tuesday off, but me being induced will probably change that. When he dropped ss of this morning (we didn't schedule the induction until this morning, so it's not like he waited to tell her) he informed her of all of this. He explained that if LO comes between now and Tuesday, he would still have Tuesday off. Otherwise it would be Thursday instead. Also, if I'm in the hospital on his day off, he can't very well get ss and may have to wait until Friday afternoon (for his weekend). The best he could do was let her know when we knew.

She starts going on about how she already planned her schedule for the week around DH having him Tuesday, and she NEEDS to know exactly what day he's going to have off, he can't go changing things last minute. Ok, seriously. I understand us having a baby is not her problem, and it may be inconvenient. I get that. But it's not like we actually have much control over when LO decides to come. DH has reminded her of this more than once...

And for the record, ss goes to work with her, so it's not an issue of her being left to find daycare last minute. It's just us interrupting her social life.

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Re: This isn't about you, BM!

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    3rdTimeLucky3rdTimeLucky
    I am certainly sorry you are going through this when this should be such a happy exciting time for you. BM should be more understanding, it's not like you are going to do this every month, for pete's sake. Anyways, I hope it works itself out for you, and much good luck, good health and happiness to you and your new LO (and hubby too).
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    paris.inthe.springparis.inthe.spring
    How dare you interrupt her social life with *gasp* having a baby.

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Try to ignore it, and enjoy this exciting time.
    You are going to have a new baby anyday!!!! That is seriously exciting!
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    circe811circe811 member
    Can you have someone in your family, like DH's parents, pick your step-kiddo up if you're in labor? It's not ideal at all, of course, but maybe it can be a back up plan if she's going to throw a fit.
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    4Speedy4Speedy member

    imagecirce811:
    Can you have someone in your family, like DH's parents, pick your step-kiddo up if you're in labor? It's not ideal at all, of course, but maybe it can be a back up plan if she's going to throw a fit.

    This.  I'm not a step parent, I'm just lurking here because I heard about the crazie ladies on this board, so take this for whatever it's worth.  But if it were me, I think I would treat it as though a second sibling were being born into a family that didn't involve a blendedfamily.  What I mean, is pretend as though there were no bio-mom and make plans for the older sibling with family or friends.  And I only suggest this because I can see this woman using this against you with your stepchild.  I can totally see her telling stepchild that Daddy can't pick him up because he has a new baby now etc. etc.  No sense in setting up rivalry from day one.

    If I were you or your DH, I would want the older sibling with friends or family who will set you up for a win-win situation.  Someone who will be sharing the excitement of the birth and who will be nurturing the older child through the transition. Someone who will be enthusiastically telling your SC how great it will be to meet the baby and be a big brother. -  It doesn't sound like the BM is in a position to help her child with this--so I would make arrangements to find a better person to help you out.

     

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    alissa4silveralissa4silver

    I agree with Circe.  I'm sure there's someone who'd be willing to help you out.  Most ppl are sensitive to a new baby's arrival.

    We just welcomed our new one 2 Saturday's ago and my parents were SD's driver.  It worked out well.  My husband was able to stay with me the whole time. 

    BM needs to get over it! 

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    PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member
    image4Speedy:

    imagecirce811:
    Can you have someone in your family, like DH's parents, pick your step-kiddo up if you're in labor? It's not ideal at all, of course, but maybe it can be a back up plan if she's going to throw a fit.

    This.  I'm not a step parent, I'm just lurking here because I heard about the crazie ladies on this board, so take this for whatever it's worth.  But if it were me, I think I would treat it as though a second sibling were being born into a family that didn't involve a blendedfamily.  What I mean, is pretend as though there were no bio-mom and make plans for the older sibling with family or friends.  And I only suggest this because I can see this woman using this against you with your stepchild.  I can totally see her telling stepchild that Daddy can't pick him up because he has a new baby now etc. etc.  No sense in setting up rivalry from day one.

    If I were you or your DH, I would want the older sibling with friends or family who will set you up for a win-win situation.  Someone who will be sharing the excitement of the birth and who will be nurturing the older child through the transition. Someone who will be enthusiastically telling your SC how great it will be to meet the baby and be a big brother. -  It doesn't sound like the BM is in a position to help her child with this--so I would make arrangements to find a better person to help you out.

     

    Your not a step parent, the ladies on this board are crazy and your advice is to 'pretend' that hterry is also not in a blended family.  ROTFL - I'm so glad I read this it's the best laugh I've had in a while.

     

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    goldenjesgoldenjes member
    imagePhantomgirl:
    image4Speedy:

    imagecirce811:
    Can you have someone in your family, like DH's parents, pick your step-kiddo up if you're in labor? It's not ideal at all, of course, but maybe it can be a back up plan if she's going to throw a fit.

    This.  I'm not a step parent, I'm just lurking here because I heard about the crazie ladies on this board, so take this for whatever it's worth.  But if it were me, I think I would treat it as though a second sibling were being born into a family that didn't involve a blendedfamily.  What I mean, is pretend as though there were no bio-mom and make plans for the older sibling with family or friends.  And I only suggest this because I can see this woman using this against you with your stepchild.  I can totally see her telling stepchild that Daddy can't pick him up because he has a new baby now etc. etc.  No sense in setting up rivalry from day one.

    If I were you or your DH, I would want the older sibling with friends or family who will set you up for a win-win situation.  Someone who will be sharing the excitement of the birth and who will be nurturing the older child through the transition. Someone who will be enthusiastically telling your SC how great it will be to meet the baby and be a big brother. -  It doesn't sound like the BM is in a position to help her child with this--so I would make arrangements to find a better person to help you out.

     

    Your not a step parent, the ladies on this board are crazy and your advice is to 'pretend' that hterry is also not in a blended family.  ROTFL - I'm so glad I read this it's the best laugh I've had in a while.

     

    I'm going to slowly back away from the comments about crazy ladies and pretending hterry has a nuclear family.  ::rolls eyes::

    The rest of it honestly makes sense to me though.  If the baby came when SS is already with you, what's the plan?  

    I already know that BF is trying to poison the boys against the baby, but so far it doesn't seem to be working.  We're very careful about it though.  If I go into labor when the boys are here, or if it's our week, I have 2 friends & my parents on standby.  The boys are going to have "sleepover parties" while we're in the hospital.

    The part that sucks for me is if I have LO at the beginning of BF's week.  Even though he's only 5 min from our house and 10 from the hospital, he won't let DH pick the boys up for a quick visit with their new baby brother.  Sad

     

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    hterry85hterry85 member

    haha I was thinking about just pretending I wasn't pregnant...that would fix the problem too, right??

    All along BM has acted nice about it. If ss was with us he would stay with someone just until she could come get him. And if he was with her, she had agreed to bring him to the hospital for just a bit. But just in the last few days she's decided "it's not her problem". But with the induction we don't have ss again before then, so we know he won't be with us. DH gets him Friday afternoon for the weekend. So he'll just have to leave from the hospital to go get him I guess.

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