Be honest........... — The Bump
Two Under 2

Be honest...........

how hard is it with two?? My daughter will be turning two right around the time DC#2 will be born and I am DEATHLY afraid that DH and I will never have time alone again, and that I won't know what to do and we both will never sleep again. I have SUCH anxiety about the whole thing. Please tell me how bad it is.......I can take it!!!

Re: Be honest...........

  • Haha! I await the answers as well.

  • Wellllll,

    Two is harder than one, but after you get a little routine going, it is definitely manageable. 

  • Going from 0-1 is hard, going from 1-2 is not bad, but going from 2-3 is VERY hard since it's logistically harder and you're outnumbered.

    I am THREE FOR THREE on bad sleepers. I have had basically 3 YEARS of very little sleep. So, in that respect, having 2u2 is hard since I'm basically non-functioning without sleep. And yes, your marriage will take a beating (or at least a backseat) until you find your groove and figure it all out.

    Trust me - it DOES get better! Even the sleep part.

    It's not impossible. After all, so many of us do it every day!

    GL!

    image Mommy to Barbara 11/8/05, Elisabeth 5/13/07, Loukas 12/23/08 and Lazarus 09/25/12
  • The first few months were tough for us.  Survival mode is how we operate until the baby STTN.  Neither of us handle sleep deprivation well and sleep deprivation + a testing toddler was a challenge for sure. 

    Then it keeps getting better/easier.

     Now?  It's a BLAST.

    They're best buds.  They play together really well.  They entertain each other so I can cook dinner without a barrage of "up Mommy!"

     

    Wouldn't have it any other way!

    Congrats!  And.... women have been doing this for a long long time.  If I can do this..... ANYONE can! 

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
  • Depends on how prepared you & your house will be! If you have to go back to work or not is a BIG part. 

    Is your DH a work m-f or is he on 7 days a week?

    Do you have family in the area that can or wants to help?

    I took 2 weeks off before baby #2 and got things ready as mush as I could. I didn't go nuts and get 2 cribs due to a small town house. I sold so of my girl clothes on craigs list or consignment sales and bought new stuff that was as well.

    We have 2 sets of grandparents that helps us all the time but my DH has a family buss and works 6 days a week.

    If you focus on how crazy it will be it might be hard. I had to turn my thoughts off and say everyday they kids were getting older and out of the baby stage.

    Your kids will pick up on the stress levels good or bad and you can set the tone in your house that way!

    I got our little girl a baby doll that had a loud cry and I kinda got her in the mode of her own space & quite time. I got her a Dora sleeping bag and we used it before baby #2 so that she would know to eat her snack there or read books. Once the baby did come I could bf him or put him down for naps and she wasn't yelling or playing loud. Sleep was key for all of us!

    The first two months are too new & exciting to be crazy so I say hell months are 3-6. Once your #2 can hold and bottle or sit up more you will be able to relax. With mine my hell was 4-7 months cause my little girl wasn't mean but we had to really watch them together. Even a big sister huge could hurt and cause screaming all night. Once the baby would cry she would get upset and the whole house was done!

    I choose not to fight about bed time and places so if mine oldest was playing in the crib out of the crib (15-16 months) we got her a big girl bed. I used a pack - n - play for as long as we could.

    We had to put the oldest to bed last cause if the baby would wake up then she would so you can see what works. Also I would get the baby to bed and DH would get the oldest so see how is better with who and try bed times at diff. times in diff. rooms.

    Going out is hard - but you will learn or just wait for your dh to come home. The good thing is your 2 year old can "play school" or "be a helper" Use stickers as ways to make her feel good not candy (so if you ever out you won't have a melt down over candy or cookies)

    7-8 month mark baby #2 will be pushed to move and join the fun! Depending on how fast him or her walks then they can play!

    Water tables & kitchens bring fun for 2u2 so then you and dh can have dinner together after you feed the kids!

    Summer time they will wear each other out and give them a bath together and you have a night on the couch together!

    The best part about 2u2 is your giving your 1st a live in play date all day every day!

    Next year your 2 year old will be able to go to pre-school if you want and you will be telling other ladies on here how you did it!

    Good luck and sorry for the book!   



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  • My girls are 26 months apart and it wasn't so bad.  I envisioned it worse than it ever was.  I did not leave the house alone for 6 weeks - with both girls.  I go everywhere with both of them now.  Honestly, I think DD1 (who is now 4) is still worse than DD2.  My DD1 got into everything (and still does) - where my DD2 is quieter and more lovey.  I think I will still have to watch DD1 more when the baby comes than DD2.  I think DD2 will be right there on my lap, very involved.  Depends on the temperment of #1 too.

  • The first year after #2 was born was pretty tough.

    We lived on a different continent to all of our family and had very few friends living near us (we lived in Brazil at the time). DH was working fairly reasonable hours which made it a little easier.

    I think you fall into a routine pretty easy as everything is still so fresh.

    You'll be fine, it's tough but you'll just get on and do it and do a great job.

    Good luck.

    Heb 

     

  • I do NOT function on lack of sleep.  My oldest is generally a great sleeper and has been since six weeks old.  My son...less so.  When he started STTN, he'd go three or four nights without a hitch, then two or three nights with waking, and so forth and so on.  Trying to deal with the kids on little sleep plus working full time plus trying to keep the house running is a challenge.

    But DS is finally sleeping better and it is adorable to watch him try to play with his sister.  She is very sweet with him and immediately goes to comfort him if he fusses.  (Mine are 11 months apart.)

    The two keys for us to keep our sanity have been routines and early bedtimes.  We pack everything the night before (lunches, diaper bags, bottles) and have it all ready to go.  I write the menu and shopping list for the following week every weekend so I can get home and get dinner on the table without a lot of fuss.

    Both my kids go to bed between 6 and 7, mostly by their choice.  It gives me and DH a couple of hours in the evenings to have down time together or separately.  We also schedule regular nights out with each other.

    The first few months are hard, but just keep reminding yourself that you and your DH are on the same team and support each other when you're stressed and tired.

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  • Ours are 13 months apart and yes, I do have days where I want to pull my hair out. But, I love it just the same =D
  • Honestly, I think it's easy. Not easy like no-kid-easy, but not harder then it was having just DD1. That said, it's still early for me and DD2 is a very easy "angle" baby who sleeps well and rarely cried and naps great.

    The first 5 weeks were tough, but DD is on a pretty great routine now and is only up once a night (starting at 5 weeks). I think it helped this time, knowing that the sleepless nights and no alone time w/ DH would be short-lived so that aspect wasn't as hard as it was with DD1.

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  • Most days are fine, but evenings are rough for me. DH is at work and that is DD's fussy time and I have to do DS's dinner/bath/bed with a very crabby baby who doesn't want to be put down. But you get it done and do what you can. I keep telling myself that this is the hardest that it will be and that it will only get better from here.
  • The first 3 months is hard.  Well, for me it was.  It took me that long to find my groove as a mama of two.  

    Right now, at nearly 3 and 14 months, life is great!   

    I am starting to think about #3!  Not quite as close as the first two, but still close enough. 

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    Ellie (5/1/2007) Abbie (11/15/08) Avrie (7/27/11)


  • I have to agree with a couple of the PP.  Going from 0-1 is rough, but going from 1-2 is okay.

    You know what to expect and know that you aren't going to get much down or nap time.

    In my case I went from 1 kid to 3 kids.  I had twins.  I think it would have been a piece a cake with a newborn & a 20 month old, but with 2 newborns and a 20 month old forget it!

    I did prep my DD before the boys were born, we spoke about it all the time, gave her a baby doll and such.

    My only big regret was not working on some of her issues before the boys got here.  Those issues were her sleeping habits.  Horrible - the kid is almost 3 and still doesn't STTN and I would have gotten rid of the nuk & this arm rub/pinch thing she does to me when she wants to sleep.

    Those things got sooo much worst when the boys came home.  Within the last 4 months we have gotten rid of the nuk and have only allowed the arm rub/pinch thing at naps & bedtime.

    We are just starting to work on the learning to sleep in her own bed and now always come and sleep with us.  It's hard.

    Thankfully though all the mistakes I made with her I didn't do with the boys.  They have STTN since about 14 weeks, with very few night time issues at this point.  They are a little over a year.

    For me the hardest part for me was really they first 4-6 weeks.  As I was lucky if I got 2 hours a sleep a night.  Once they started sleeping longer at night and STTN I felt like I could handle almost anything with sleep.

    I still have my moments, and there are a lot of times I am really not proud of how I handled a situation or talked or reacted to my DD because I am a SAHM who is overwhelmed.

    But I do the best I can.

    GL

  • Well I had two 5 months apart so my situation is TONS different than most of you ladies.  However, I found it to be pretty easy with two babies but now that they are both toddlers its freaking HARD.  Im sure if I had only one toddler and a baby things would be much easier.  Not saying that two kids of any age is easy but two toddlers is VERY VERY hard haha.  But I love the age difference, I love that they are going to be in the same grade and I love how close they already are to eachother.  I wouldn't change it for the world! =)

    "I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine

    "All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."

  • I haven't found it to be the easiest thing in the world, and honestly, I probably make things harder/stress and overwhelm myself more then is needed.  My kids are 16mos apart.  DS1 has been pretty good though.  He is good with independent play which has been a Godsend because DS2 is quite the high maintenance/needy little man.  DS2 wants to be held 24/7 which keeps me from really being able to interact with DS1 as much as I'd like.  DS1 does go to daycare 3 afternoons/week so he does get to play with other kids which also allows me 1 on 1 time with DS2.  I have yet to take both kids out to run an errand at once.  For some reason I am just nervous as all hell to do it.  Thankfully DH has been helpful, however, he is deploying soon so it will be just me.  I am quite nervous to have to raise 2 kids on my own for a year, but I also know that there are hundreds of single moms out there who do it.  I have no family here so I will end up taking extended trips to my parents and to my ILs.  DS2 is just now starting to be able to be in the swing and play on the activity mat for a few minutes now without screaming bloody murder so that has been nice.  I'm really looking forward to when DS2 is older and moving around more/walking so the boys can play together.  For now, DS1 pretty much ignores DS2.  DS1 isn't the best sleeper and still wakes up 1x a night most of the time.  Typically he puts himself back to sleep which helps.  DS2 wakes 1x in the night to eat.  In that respect, I don't think I have it too bad right now.  We shall see once we move DS2 to his crib/own room how he does (his room is above DS1 and you will be able to hear each child in the other's room).  Overall I would say it hasn't been too bad and that it seems to be getting better every day.  Of course, you will have super bad days and super great days scattered in between the ok and great days too.
    image image
  • I can't even put into words how hard it was for me. Nothing could have prepared me, and I am a very organized person. Your priorities will shift. If it comes down to mopping the floor or sleeping, you will find me in bed.

    It does depend on how much help you get and how good your kids sleep. If I had more help and my kids were good sleepers, I think it would have changed a lot.

    I took days off from work for "me" time which also helped. The first 2 months after #2 came home and I was home with both of them while recovering from an unexpected C-section . . . brutal.

  • The first 8 weeks have been pretty hectic but not as bad as I expected.  I thought the newborn stage would be the hard part but it's actually dealing with a toddler that's been more problematic with tantrums and so forth.  It's pretty exhausting while also caring for a newborn.  I think we're at a turning point in the newborn stage as DD#2 has finally started "going to bed" for the night at a reasonable time (9 p.m.) so I'm starting to get a few hours of down time at night again.
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  • I thought 0-1 was harder and continue to think its easier to have two kids than one...because they entertain each other.  2-3 was also easier for me than 0-1 (but I had it really rough with 0-1)

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  • image bim38106:

    Honestly, I think it's easy. Not easy like no-kid-easy, but not harder then it was having just DD1. That said, it's still early for me and DD2 is a very easy "angle"baby who sleeps well and rarely cried and naps great.

    This will probably come back to bite me in the a$$ at some point, but I'm with this. It's really not so bad.

    That said, I don't even bother with things like trying to keep the house sparkling clean. I tidy up the downstairs enough that I don't feel like I'm living in a sty, but the deep cleaning can wait until #2 is on a better sleep schedule. Even with cooking dinner - we've been getting this prepared frozen meals from a place called Studio Kitchen in my area. They're delicious and healthy, and all you have to do is pop them in the oven - voila, dinner.

    I think the fact that I am willing to give myself a break in those areas is part of the reason why it doesn't seem too stressful for me. Focusing on keeping the kids happy and fitting in the rest when I get the time seems to work for us :)

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