Working Moms - Someone Explain, Please

ebearwife

So, is my job (paid) LESS important than DH's job?  Do I need to be at work less on time than he does?  If DH can't respect my job why do I even work?  Seriously.  P had a major full on meltdown this morning and needed a diaper change before being dropped at MIL's.  No, I don't think its OK to leave her with a dirty we could have changed.  I requested that DH do it so I could get out the door, bc we have labs running at 8AM on Fridays (and every other day).  And also bc its been over a week since he has so much as touched a diaper.  He tried for like 15 seconds and then handed me the kicking, screaming baby and headed out the door.  It took me 10 minutes and P and I almost got poo smeared all over ourselves and I ended up having to wrestle her to the ground to get her diaper off, wipe her bottom, and get another diaper on.  I have a bruised thumb now.  And I was late.  And I yelled at my MIL.  And I showed up to work gunning for bear.

I am not mad at P, she is 18 months old and this is how it is.  I am very angry with him for leaving me with the mess.

I need to STAR....

yellowtulips80

Forgive my ignorance, what does star mean?

No his job and your job are equally important because they both support your family.  Sorry you had a bad morning.  Hopefully the rest of the day will be great.  

ebearwife

yellowtulips80:

Forgive my ignorance, what does star mean?

No his job and your job are equally important because they both support your family.  Sorry you had a bad morning.  Hopefully the rest of the day will be great.  

Stop

Take a deep breath

And

Relax

There is another mommy on this board that works in a preschool and that is their method for calming the kiddos.

yellowtulips80

Oh that is pretty good.  I may have to use that someday.

jebean

I totally understand what you're saying.  DH and I take turns, but overall I have to be the one that's mainly responsible, which is difficult because my job is demanding.  He is the main breadwinner and I have to remember that he always feels ultimately responsible for our family....I don't know, it's just one of those things I have to deal with.  I like the STAR method - I may have to use that!

auburnbride2be

I understand. When something comes up for DD - dr. appt or needing to be picked up from daycare early b/c she's sick, it means I have to make arrangements to leave work, try to work from home, etc in order to handle things. It is just assumed that I will make it work. Neither of us have super flexible jobs, so it would be more fair if we took turns having to leave work suddenly  and stuff like that.

ebearwife

I guess I am different.  My parents (at least from the time I could remember) shared it all. In fact, bc Daddy could go home for lunch, if we ever needed something at or during school, he was the one to call.  Mom was a teacher so it had to be a BIG deal for her to stay home or come get us.  Mom and Dad took turns on sick days.  Dad did a lot of "single parenting" when Mom was finishing her degree.  Maybe it was different when we were babies since Mom stayed home then, but it was never the attitude of "you are the mother, you deal with it..." that I remember.

KT&John

In our house DH definitely respects the fact that I have keep my responsibilities at work just as much as he does. He is great at taking her for things like the H1N1 shot and the occasional sick doc visit. I do the well checks because I my mind naturally keeps up with the details of C's development. He will stay home with her when she is sick and picks her up from daycare and gets dinner started everyday. I drop her off at daycare and the morning duties mostly fall to me. DH is less of a morning person. It is a team effort for us. It took some work getting there but weekdays run pretty well for us now.

That said, the diaper situation could have easily happened in our house and it would have had nothing to do with DH not valuing the fact that I have to work too. He just has less patience for the willful behavior that comes with toddlerhood. All you can really do is talk about it (after you are done STARring ) and go from there. I hope for no future repeats of this morning for you!

mrsd0907

I don't have a toddler yet, so diaper changes aren't quite that difficult for me yet. However, from the get go, we had a big discussion on how each of us expected things to go regarding responsibilities. I was raised in the same way you were, with my parents sharing everything because both worked. He was raised with both parents working but his mom still taking care of everything for the kids. We ended up agreeing to share everything. Maybe talking about it would help. Hopefully things get better.

Snucci

I think it's just part of being a mom. I am usually the one that takes the kids to the doctor and stays home/keeps them home with me (I work from home) if they are sick. Recently, my DH has stepped up and stayed at home to help when someone is sick or at least stayed home 1/2 the day. When my DS is sick, he's 4, I can still work with him at home. My DD is 15 months and I can't work with her here.

If there is a dirty diaper, my DH always begs me to do it. He says I do it faster. When he finally agrees, the diaper is a disaster and I end up doing it after all.

My DH doesn't think his job is more important than mine, he just naturally assumes that Mommy takes over. And I have to say that most of the time, I rather do it myself anyway.

kbowman78

I hear you loud and clear on this one. I haven't gotten to work one time since DS was born. Luckily, my job is very flexible and I still have a lot of vacation time in the bank. However, DH gets to work right on time every day. And for some reason, he can't seem to understand my desire to want to get to work on time for once. I know for a fact he thinks his job is more important b/c he makes more money, but I keep reminding him that if it weren't for my job, we would not be able to pay all the bills...

 Kinda makes you just wanna shove the poopy diaper right in his face, huh? I have those fantasies sometimes...

jebean

ebearwife:

I guess I am different.  My parents (at least from the time I could remember) shared it all. In fact, bc Daddy could go home for lunch, if we ever needed something at or during school, he was the one to call.  Mom was a teacher so it had to be a BIG deal for her to stay home or come get us.  Mom and Dad took turns on sick days.  Dad did a lot of "single parenting" when Mom was finishing her degree.  Maybe it was different when we were babies since Mom stayed home then, but it was never the attitude of "you are the mother, you deal with it..." that I remember.

I, by no means, meant to imply that DH doesn't take responsibility - he actually does a lot....gets DS ready in the morning and drops him at daycare, takes him to doctor visits, makes dinner, etc...but, if we both have tight schedules and something comes up with DS, I feel like I need to take the responsibility since DH is the breadwinner and most of the time his schedule is more flexible than mine.  Usually he is the one who can leave work suddenly, so when something comes up, I know it's important.

Temp655608750006792

Sorry you had a rough morning. 

I have to be at work before DH so DH has all the responsibilities in the morning.  Getting her up, diaper, clothes, breakfast, take to daycare.  But that doesn't mean he doesn't help in the evenings too.  We are 50/50 on just about everything.

I hear you on the squiggly diaper situation!  My DD hardly lays/sits still anymore making diaper time really tough!  I think it's time for us to get on that potty train!