Can't believe our nanny actually said it!

Shaina · January 2010

So my girls' nanny is great! She really is. She's been with us for almost 5 months...she has nannied before and also worked in 2 different day cares so she had great experience.

So, one of my girls has figured out how to say "mommy" and ALWAYS says it! I absolutely love it and she says it over and over in the morning when she sees me before I go to work and when I come home after work.

Tonight, my daughter Rachel, who says "mommy" kept saying it over and over and even after we put them to bed, we could hear her saying (not crying, just calmly saying) "mommy, mommy" It was very cute. We (the nanny, me and DH) were all in the kitchen and I said, "aw, how cute, she keeps saying mommy mommy" So our nanny says, :Yeah, well you work full-time so she misses you. She doeasn't get to see you a lot so that's why she repeats mommy mommy". Now it probably doesn't sound like such a big deal when you read it but the tone she took was like very matter-of-fact, as if to say, "well, what do you expect? You are gone all day, she misses you so of course she is going to call out to you mommy mommy" I

I wasn't sure what shocked me immediately more--that she said that, her tone or the combo of both. I mean, even if you THINK that, why would you SAY that to a working mom, especially your employer...who maybe DOES love her career but of course misses her kids during the day and saying that is not exactly going to make me feel GREAT. Plus, if I DIDN'T work, she'd be out of this job?

I seriously thought that was out of line. I like her a lot and never really had any issues with her before. DH was pissed. I am shocked and immediately sid to her, "well, I may work F/T but I always have-since they were 3 months old so they don't know any different. They do know I am not home all day, but it isn't something new. Plus I love my career. And I am happy to see they do know who their mommy is". Mind you, her mom was and still is a working mom. She has 2 much younger sisters who go to a sitter after school until her mom can pick them up.

Wow. I am gonna let that one slide but man I was shocked. Def. caught off guard.

Thanks for listening.

LuaBear · January 2010

I'd let it slide. She clearly is great at her job and it might have just been a frustrated comment coming after a long and tiring day of work for both of you. Us working mommies don't always realize how hard it is to take care of children all day without other adult stimulation. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and let it go.

Shaina · January 2010

You are right. I am def. going to let it slide. She is great with my girls and that's all that matters. But wow, I was taken aback big time. It made me feel really really bad for a few moments. Luckily, I am a pretty even-keel person. I immediately brushed it off.

Pesky · January 2010

wow, inappropriate much? I think you handled it well and yep, would let it slide but honestly, what an ignorant thing to say. To overgeneralize myself, I'm guessing she's young.

AlisaS · January 2010

Just tell her you are happy to have a fulfilling career and one that is lucrative enough to hire someone as fabulous as she is.

jkelly41 · January 2010

How old is she? That is something I can imagine my young SIL saying. She wouldn't mean to be so rude, but she wouldn't realize how sensitive we working moms are or how she comes off. I'm sorry it hurt your feelings- I know how much it would have bothered me! Kudos to you for letting it go!

Shaina · January 2010

Great comeback Alisa! Thanks!

And yes, she is 'young'--relatively speaking in relation to DH and I. She's 24. I am 33. 34 next month. Dh is 41.

risysmama · January 2010

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't see what the big deal is. I think it's sweet that your DD can even articulate "mommy mommy" and I'm sure she misses you, just as you miss her when you're at work. It seems that the nanny was just stating the obvious.

Iblamethebeer · January 2010

ouch! that would have really bothered me as well.

I think she is probably dealing with some of her feelings towards her own mother there.

JosieH · January 2010

I kind of don't get the big deal either. You're bonded with your girls and they'll miss you when you're gone whether you've gone back to work at 3 months or not. You're their Mom. Sounds like she hit a nerve telling you something we're all afraid of - that the choice or requirement to work is somehow hurting our kids. Seems to me that I'd want to have a fairly open relationship with my Nanny. If it bugs you, say something. Ask her how she felt with a working Mom. Are there things you can do to make it easier for your girls? Incorporate her into your choice. Just because she had a working Mom doesn't mean she liked it. She likes taking care of kids. Don't equate one with the other.

GeneGoddess · January 2010

risysmama:
Maybe I'm missing something but I don't see what the big deal is. I think it's sweet that your DD can even articulate "mommy mommy" and I'm sure she misses you, just as you miss her when you're at work. It seems that the nanny was just stating the obvious.

I agree. I don't understand the problem.

trinny · January 2010

I'd feel miffed too. It is just a small comment, but it would definitely make me feel judged-- "your DD needs you and you're not there" But I agree with the pp's-- she's young and had no idea how that would sound. I love AlisaS's comeback!

duchess0727 · January 2010

Let it drop. Honestly, it's only going to get worse when your daughters can say it instead of your nanny. Believe me, I am the world's biggest advocate of working moms and I will always be one and I'm proud of it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't level me when my son says "I don't want to go to school. I want to stay home with you, mommy." And as far as I hear from my coworkers with older kids, it only gets worse when they say to you "What's more important, mommy, me or your job?" You have to get used to letting this stuff roll off your shoulders.

FloF9 · January 2010

I don't think the nanny was out of line - I feel she was just stating the obvious.

EastCoastBride · January 2010

Well, see, I don't think she was "stating the obvious". What is obvious to me, when my son repeats mama/mommy over and over is that he is playing w/ the words and excited that HE is ssaying something that he knows gets a reaction from us.

I can tell he's starting to associate it w/ me - which is awesome, but I also don't take his repeating of it to mean he misses me because I work, or what have you.

He's saying it because he knows a word, it's an easy word to repeat, and he knows that saying it gets a reaction from me.

While not a "big deal" in the big picture, I dont' feel it was necessary for her nanny to say that. Working moms deal w/ enough guilt as it is.

shouldbworkin · January 2010

I agree that it is not stating the obvious, at all. I think it is a stretch to conclude that a baby would repeat mama over again b/c they miss mom. If she missed her mom, she'd be crying for her to come pick her up again. The only reason someone would jump to a conclusion like that is b/c they are judging and can't hold their tongue. I would be pissed if someone I was paying to watch my child treated me that way. MIL pulls this crap with me frequently when I comment on how clingy my DD is. She fails to realize that SIL's kids are equally as clingy and she SAH. Certain things are just developmentally appropriate and phases they all go through, regardless of whether you are home all day or not.

That being said, I'm really not sure what you say in that sort of situation, especially after the fact. If she were to say something like that again, I would say "why would you say that?" I think that puts people on notice that their comment was uncalled for and to be careful when saying things like that again.

Feb3 · January 2010

shouldbworkin:
I agree that it is not stating the obvious, at all. I think it is a stretch to conclude that a baby would repeat mama over again b/c they miss mom. If she missed her mom, she'd be crying for her to come pick her up again. The only reason someone would jump to a conclusion like that is b/c they are judging and can't hold their tongue. I would be pissed if someone I was paying to watch my child treated me that way. MIL pulls this crap with me frequently when I comment on how clingy my DD is. She fails to realize that SIL's kids are equally as clingy and she SAH. Certain things are just developmentally appropriate and phases they all go through, regardless of whether you are home all day or not.

This, completely.

ka2005 · January 2010

Well, at least your babies are saying your name. My LO has taken to calling me by her daycare provider's name for the 1st half hour we are home. She does correct herself, but darn it!