Question about adoptive breastfeeding

Go_Dawgs

I would REALLY love to try this.  If it doesn't work, I won't be crushed, but I would really like to at least try.  My best friend has a bio baby and hated it at first, but now says it's the most amazing bonding experience and she wishes she never had to stop (it's getting too difficult for her now that she's back at work).

My concern is what other people will think if I try to BF an adopted child.  Honestly, I'm not looking for responses about how I shouldn't care what other people think.  I do care, and that isn't going to change.  I don't want friends, family members, and coworkers talking behind my back about how they think this is a weird thing to do.

So, my question is, how do you think the vast majority of people view adoptive breastfeeding?

Dr.Loretta

I think most people have no clue that it's even possible. The ones who are pro-BFing will likely be behind you all the way, and the ones who aren't will probably think it's weird.

wille2b

i totally agree with loretta!! i have spoken with several friends about it.. and the ones who breastfed their babies are soooo in favor of it! they have offered their breast pumps for me to use! and the people who didnt breastfeed or dont know a lot about it will probably think its weird. but who cares, its your baby and its your bond.

i am actually planning on breastfeeding my baby boy when he comes, i have started a protocal and if you have any questions you can pm me!!! i have thought of a whole plan for attachment and bonding and would love to share!!!

PrincessShay80

I think breastfeeding is always going to be an issue where you have ones that are for it and ones that are against it.

I would not think twice if I saw someone breastfeeding- it just doesnt bother me. But I would never do it, even if i have carrying my own child, its just not something that interests me.

I dont even think someone would know if you were breastfeeding an adopted child or your own child- its not like there is sign on the child.

I say go for it- eveyone has to make their own decision which is right for them- and no one else should pass judegment on them for that decision.

Sally J

My DS is bio and my DD was adopted.  I currently BF both of them, although my DD is only every few days.  She came home at 7.5 months old and around 20 months is when she finally latched to nurse directly from the breast.  She received about 75% BM from 7.5 months to 14 months. 

I have actually gotten more reactions about my choice on circumcision, extended breastfeeding, adoption, and sleeping arrangements than I have about adoptive breastfeeding.  Most people are amazed and had no idea it was possible, some are a little weirded out by it (just like they think it's weird that I BF a 2 yr old), and others just don't have an opinion.  I don't think there is a majority view on this particular subject because the majority of people don't know about it.

If you have any specific questions, let me know!  I'd be happy to answer about BF'ing in general, extended BF'ing or adoptive BF'ing.

 

candm

Dr.Loretta:

I think most people have no clue that it's even possible. The ones who are pro-BFing will likely be behind you all the way, and the ones who aren't will probably think it's weird.

I think this is probably what most people will think.

I know you didn't want to hear this, but I can't help myself... I believe strongly in extended BF'ing and am still breastfeeding my 2 year old (25 months and counting). A lot of people think that is weird and it does bother me that they think that, but I believe it is best for my daughter (and me) and that's what I'm sticking with. That has nothing to do with whether you should or should not BF an adoptive child, but I just hope it might support you if you do decide. Sometimes you just have to do what you believe in even if it does make for a few uncomfortable situations.

MayDayGirl

Go_Dawgs:

I would REALLY love to try this.  If it doesn't work, I won't be crushed, but I would really like to at least try.  My best friend has a bio baby and hated it at first, but now says it's the most amazing bonding experience and she wishes she never had to stop (it's getting too difficult for her now that she's back at work).

My concern is what other people will think if I try to BF an adopted child.  Honestly, I'm not looking for responses about how I shouldn't care what other people think.  I do care, and that isn't going to change.  I don't want friends, family members, and coworkers talking behind my back about how they think this is a weird thing to do.

So, my question is, how do you think the vast majority of people view adoptive breastfeeding?

I feel the exact same way! I don't really care what others think 90% of the time, but I do care somewhat!  I have just started making statements around people I care about like "I plan to breastfeed our next baby" and I don't leave much room for questions. 

So I am planting the seeds and hoping not to hear anything about it!

ps I think most people probably think it's weird.. but I don't care.

MayDayGirl

PrincessShay80:

I think breastfeeding is always going to be an issue where you have ones that are for it and ones that are against it.

I would not think twice if I saw someone breastfeeding- it just doesnt bother me. But I would never do it, even if i have carrying my own child, its just not something that interests me.

I dont even think someone would know if you were breastfeeding an adopted child or your own child- its not like there is sign on the child.

I say go for it- eveyone has to make their own decision which is right for them- and no one else should pass judegment on them for that decision.

I am adopting an AA/biracial child, so if DH and I are together (both white) and I am nursing a black child, they will know... which is the only part that makes me think about it.. because it will be obvious to all that he/she is adopted... I just need to grow thicker skin in case I get comments!

CaptainSerious

I do think that most people think it's weird.  I'm just judging by the responses Salma Hayek got when she breast fed another woman's baby in Sierra Leone and the scene in the old movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.  In general, I think a lot of people believe that a mother's breast milk should only be used for her own child(ren).

But, that's where your chance to educate them comes in.  Ask them if they think milk banks are equally icky.  I bet many of them don't see that as extremely.  Once you point out their inconsistency and all the benefits of breast milk and bonding, as you see them, they might talk a different look at the situation.

suzymarie

MayDayGirl:

PrincessShay80:

I think breastfeeding is always going to be an issue where you have ones that are for it and ones that are against it.

I would not think twice if I saw someone breastfeeding- it just doesnt bother me. But I would never do it, even if i have carrying my own child, its just not something that interests me.

I dont even think someone would know if you were breastfeeding an adopted child or your own child- its not like there is sign on the child.

I say go for it- eveyone has to make their own decision which is right for them- and no one else should pass judegment on them for that decision.

I am adopting an AA/biracial child, so if DH and I are together (both white) and I am nursing a black child, they will know... which is the only part that makes me think about it.. because it will be obvious to all that he/she is adopted... I just need to grow thicker skin in case I get comments!

I bet 99% of people will just think you are a white trash ho who sleeps around.  I personally would rather them think I was adoptive BF'ing.

I think so few people even know it is even possible that they will instead be working out how long it was between when you got pg with the first kid, then got pg again by a different man, and then started dating/married a 3rd man!

Sally J

suzymarie:

MayDayGirl:

PrincessShay80:

I think breastfeeding is always going to be an issue where you have ones that are for it and ones that are against it.

I would not think twice if I saw someone breastfeeding- it just doesnt bother me. But I would never do it, even if i have carrying my own child, its just not something that interests me.

I dont even think someone would know if you were breastfeeding an adopted child or your own child- its not like there is sign on the child.

I say go for it- eveyone has to make their own decision which is right for them- and no one else should pass judegment on them for that decision.

I am adopting an AA/biracial child, so if DH and I are together (both white) and I am nursing a black child, they will know... which is the only part that makes me think about it.. because it will be obvious to all that he/she is adopted... I just need to grow thicker skin in case I get comments!

I bet 99% of people will just think you are a white trash ho who sleeps around.  I personally would rather them think I was adoptive BF'ing.

I think so few people even know it is even possible that they will instead be working out how long it was between when you got pg with the first kid, then got pg again by a different man, and then started dating/married a 3rd man!

I know you didn't mean anything by the bolded part, but it rubbed me the wrong way.  I don't know if it was the 'white trash' part, the 'ho' part, the 'sleeps around' part, or just the assumption that 99% of people wouldn't even think adoption or even mixed family as a possibility.

The reason I say this is because my DD doesn't look like me, and when I explain that my kids are 4 months apart they don't assume me or my husband are 'white trash ho'.  Instead they assume that medically it could be possible, or that we maybe have a mixed family (with step parents/kids) or that we have adopted.

Maybe I'm too sensitive.

cubits

I hope its not overly inappropriate of me to chime in but I have some resources to share.

Martha Sears (Dr Sears' wife) Bf her adopted daughter and talks about it in the Breastfeeding book and the Baby book.

Ina May Gatskin's Guide to breastfeeding talks extensively about women nursing adopted children as well as other people's children. 

and a LLL leader would talk to you about it too.  You can always call them and  they will find you the best person to talk to (All though technically they don't approve of nursing other people's babies, but this would be your baby so I don't see a problem).  You can also go to LLL meeting if you like but don't have to to have them help you.

Personally. I say go for it.  Its totally possible and would be a great accomplishment.

:;butting back out:: 

achapple

I bet 99% of people will just think you are a white trash ho who sleeps around.  I personally would rather them think I was adoptive BF'ing.

I think so few people even know it is even possible that they will instead be working out how long it was between when you got pg with the first kid, then got pg again by a different man, and then started dating/married a 3rd man!

 

No, Sally, I don't think you're too sensitive.  I thought this was really offensive.  Why would she be white trash for sleeping with a black man?  Only white trash have relationships with black people? Which also makes her a ho?  You may not have meant it, but the way this statement comes off is really offensive, closed minded and awful.

 I think in this day and age, the majority of people will just go about their business and not think twice. Or think that you have a beautiful family.  Don't get me wrong, you will probably find nosey and rude people who are close-minded and offensive, but I don't think that's the majority anymore. 

Sally J

achapple:

I bet 99% of people will just think you are a white trash ho who sleeps around.  I personally would rather them think I was adoptive BF'ing.

I think so few people even know it is even possible that they will instead be working out how long it was between when you got pg with the first kid, then got pg again by a different man, and then started dating/married a 3rd man!

 

No, Sally, I don't think you're too sensitive.  I thought this was really offensive.  Why would she be white trash for sleeping with a black man?  Only white trash have relationships with black people? Which also makes her a ho?  You may not have meant it, but the way this statement comes off is really offensive, closed minded and awful.

 I think in this day and age, the majority of people will just go about their business and not think twice. Or think that you have a beautiful family.  Don't get me wrong, you will probably find nosey and rude people who are close-minded and offensive, but I don't think that's the majority anymore. 

I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because I found it offensive too.  I just didn't understand why a white woman BF'ing an AA or mixed race baby would = white trash ho.  I thought I was the only one who saw this since I didn't see anyone come back to it.

There are so many respectful women here and I felt like this particular comment was way out of line.

achapple

Completely and totally agree, Sally J.  I was trying to be nice, too and I still am hopeful, but I have not ever seen anyone post anything like this and it is soooo offensive.  I don't want to start something up, I'm not really into chat board drama, but that was absolutely way out of line.  I can only hope by our pointing out how offensive it is that she will look again at the statement and learn something from it.  Hopefully, it will help her open her mind.