Single Parents

advice needed - new single mom

I guess as of Friday I will be a single parent.  I will be moving out and in with my parents.  Over the past 7 months my H has had two affairs (one physical and one more emotional with no physical realtions - as far as I know at least).  This is a very hard step for me to take as I know you all understand, so do you have any advise for me?  What steps do I need to take to protect myself and my LO?  Any advice for simply getting through this hard time?  

Re: advice needed - new single mom

  • I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't help too much with protecting yourself and divorce but a lot of the other lovely ladies can.

    Just remember to ask for help when you need it and hopefully you have a lot of friends and family that you can rely on. And remember it may be hard now but it can only get easier. That's what I always tell myself.

    Good luck! 

  • I suggest you post this on the Blended Families board, they can give you great help on what would/wouldn't look good to the courts regarding you moving away, safeguarding your bank account, setting up visitation....etc. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. (Hugs) to you & your lo.
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  • I'm so sorry.

    Have you talked to an attorney about the implications (if any) of leaving the home?  Some states have abandonment laws, so I would look into that before you leave.

    Also, is your H aware you are leaving?  Was it a mutual decision or do you think he will be angry?  Make sure you close any joint credit cards or bank accounts to protect yourself.  I didn't do this and my H used a credit card (that was in my name but he was an authorized user on) to charge $1800 at a bar the night before his brother's wedding.  Yeah.  So make sure you don't let that happen. 

    I'm glad you have the support of your parents.  I could not have done this without them.  Good luck to you.

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  • I'm so sorry about this.

    My advice is to keep your friends and family close. You are going through a rough time right now and you are going to need them for support now more than ever. Also, talk to a lawyer asap. If you have joint checking, pull your money from it and your name off of it. Set up your own account, I've seen and heard of too many people that have came out of a situation broke because their STBXH pulled every penny they owned from the account. Good luck and we are all here for you.

  • All the ladies gave you great advice. Before you leave you should talk to a lawyer. In fact, do that as soon as possible, like today. They will be able to tell you everything you need to do to make sure you are protected.

     Then, once all your ducks are in a row, take some time to cry, and grieve the loss of your marriage. Hang on to your baby and lock yourself in a room for a couple hours if you need to. Take a hot bath, read a book, drink some wine. Make sure you are taking care of yourself the best you can.

  • I too am sorry that you are going through this.  It sounds like things were not good during your pregnancy.  I also went through this and left when I was eight months pg.  We are all here for you.  I recommend getting as much support as possible from family and friends and seeing a counselor if possible.  It is difficult to be a single parent but it is better than have LO grow up in an unhappy environment.  GL and keep us posted!  This is a great board with supportive people.
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  • I know it helped me to write down all the crap -- like the things you know about the affairs. Then on days when I'd start to think about how we did this fun thing together and that fun thing together an wish he was still around, I'd read the crap journal and it would remind me why I was going to be better off without a cheating h.
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