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Problems with my mother! I need everyone's opinion on this one!
I'm going back to work after my 4 week maternity leave is up and my mom had initally said she would watch the baby during the day until me or my husband can pick the baby up.
Well here's what I would like your opinion on. My mom wants to charge me like $300 a month to watch the baby while I work part-time hours during the week!
Do you think that is right? Why should I have to pay my RETIRED mom who sits at home all day to watch her own grandbaby??? I think I would quit my job before I pay her that much money. Daycare is not an option for me. I'll only be working a few hours a day!
*** Maybe I should have made myself clear, she is the one who offered, and it is only for 4 hours a day, 1 day per week!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Problems with my mother! I need everyone's opinion on this one!
I think your mother is being very generous. If you cannot afford to pay her, and cannot afford daycare, you need to rethink your family budget and determine if you can afford to work.
Your mother raised her children already. This is her retirement. She has a right to either be paid, or say no.
Okay, first your mom should've made it clear what the ground rules were when she first made the offer. I would tell you mom that you had misunderstood and didn't know you would have to pay so need to talk with your DH, look at your finances and see what local PT daycares are charging. And do exactly that. While not nice to spring it on you, realize that she is making a sacrifice of her free time too and it is not out of the realm of reason to expect some compensation for that. It's her choice to babysit, not a given right to you. Check around and see if $300/mo is out of line for PT infant care and if so, tell your mom and negotiate a lower amount. Finally, if you can't afford to pay her that much and can't afford PT daycare, talk to your mom about a lower amount or none, even for a period of time, because you can't afford it. But like I said, it's her free time to give or take as she chooses so don't go into with any expectations, just a hope. While you might not think she does a lot, taking care of a baby is a lot of work, even a grandbaby, and she might prefer to do something less taxing on a regular basis.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
Wow. Ungrateful much?
Why does she owe you FREE babysitting?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think your mom is being very generous to offer to help you out. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding about the pay/non pay issue but I still think she is within her rights to ask for some compensation. She is giving up her free time, which she has earned as a retired person, to take care of a young baby and that can be a lot of work, especially as your child gets older and more mobile. Perhaps you should look into some other childcare options if paying your mother is not acceptable to you, or quit your job as you mentioned.
Yes, you should pay someone to watch your child. Whatever she does on her own, retired time is her choice and she is making a sacrifice to give that up so that you can earn money.
As someone who pays over $300 a week, I give the side-eye to you even throwing a fit about his.
Yes it's not her job to watch your kid for free. I paid my mother to watch my kids from end of maternity to end of December 2009 - it's the right thing to do.
I agree with the above post.
Why, exactly, do you think she owes you her free time now that she's retired?
$300/month is a steal. You should be grateful.
Seriousluy, if this is not MUD then you are an ungrateful idiot. Why should anyone watch your kid for free? Your mother has her own life.
And daycare isn't an option because........you were too stupid to plan for your child's care while you work?
My Mom lives in Europe and hasn't even MET MY DAUGHTER YET. You should be very happy that your Mother is even entertaining the idea of watching your baby while you work. It's not the norm for retired Grandmas to want to babysit all day for free.
My opinion: $300 a month for part time daycare is very cheap. And it's your own Mom. Pay her the money that she is asking for, or find other arrangements.
$300/mo is a STEAL!!!!!!!
and what the fluck entitlement much?
she's giving her TIME and EFFORT to care for an INFANT.are you even providing her diapers?
get your head out of your arse and pay your mother for her GENEROUS offer to care for your child for PRACTICALLY FREE!
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Since you asked for everyone's opinion, I'm guessing/hoping this is fake.
Do the math. $300/month, let's round down to 4 weeks, and assume by part time you mean 20 hours a week. That would be $3.75/hour you are paying her to come out of retirement to watch YOUR child. She's done raising kids, she's under no obligation. That's cheap, take it or leave it and move on.
I am paying for day care right now but my mom has told us that she would LOVE to watch our DS for FREE while we work. It is something that she has always wanted to do. I think things should have been more clear with your mother before the baby came along but there is nothing that you can do about it now. Check daycare prices and then negotiate with your Mom if you can't afford that $300/month.
I do not think everyone should have responded the way they did to your question. It isn't like your mother will not still be able to do things that she wants... just give her a car seat, pay for the diapers, formula, etc.
She should be paying YOU for the honor of watching your child! Do not stand for the disrespect she is showing your precious DNA, manifested in the person of your glorious offspring, and show her who is boss! I'd get it in writing too... just in case she stops showing enough deference to your baby at any time or (gasp) tries to take a day off to take any time for herself after a lifetime of hard work.
The nerve of some people is astonishing. Read into that what you will.
Did you miss the entitlement that is oozing from her post?
Yeah, I so can still do everything I want with my extra accessory of a child.
Come back and let me know if you still find it so easy to accomplish everything once your child is mobile.
Why anyone thinks their parents should just love providing daycare for their grandkid on a regular basis for free is beyond me. Heck, even if you plan on paying your parent, they shouldn't be required or expected to provide care for your kid. If they want to, great, but they are entitled to make their own life choices without taking into account the life choices of their children.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Win.
Come back and let me know if you still find it so easy to accomplish everything once your child is mobile.
He is very mobile. Thank you!
A walking 6 month old? Wow!!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Well, not *just* like walking ones, as you will see....
Oh, sweetie, that's just not true. My walking, talking 2 year-old can get into a whole lot more now than she could when she was crawling, and when she's unhappy or wants to do something I don't want her to do, it's a lot harder to stop her at 30 lbs. than it was when I could pick her up at 15 lbs.
Every age has it's challenges, but there's no doubt than errands, lunches out, gorcery shopping, etc. get harder once you pass that 1 year mark. As she gets closer to kindergarten age, I imagine things will get easier again. But to say someone can still do everything they want while toting around a child? Just not true.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Here's my opinion: I'm with you I wouldn't expect my mom to charge at all (at least not that much). MIL watches DS for us, we both work full time and she has never asked us for money. She loves watching her grandson and will not take payment for watching him. She's a SAHM so it's not like I'm taking her out of a job. My mom would watch him for free as well if she was a SAHM. I guess everyone's different though. To MIL, watching DS occupies her time when she may otherwise be bored, it gives her a sense of purpose- an outlet for nurturing her now practically grown kids.
this post makes me lol
sounds like some mis-communication but your mom has the right to ask for pay. just to give you an idea, parttime childcare (at Carson's age) is 600 per month. if you are working parttime and covering the cost of childcare with your pay, then (if it were me) might toss around the idea of becoming a sahm.
Do you want tao work for free? Just because she is the grandmother and loves her grandchild, does not mean that it is not work. Also it restricts how she can use her time each day bacause she has obligations to you.
Consider yourself lucky - 300 a month is a steal.
Your mother can also say - NO. I don't do childcare - I raised my family, you raise yours. I do gramatime --at my own discression.
This x100
I'm with KateAggie on this one. Only I'll go one further.
You cannot "do as you would normally do" with a baby. Not at any age. Mobile or not.
Pay your mom for childcare, or find someone else to pay for childcare. Or quit your job and stay home. Your mom is a bargain, though. For real.
ditto this
In a perfect world, it would be great if we all had parents who were retired and willing to help us out with our kids for free. But, the reality of it is that some of us don't and some of us have parents who want to help their kids, but 1) may need some help themselves or 2) need to balance the amount of time they spend on their kids/grandkids and themselves. There is no right or wrong thing for a grandparent to do in this situation. If you don't like what she is offering, then pay for daycare for your DC or SAH. But, she doesn't have to watch your child for your and she does not have to do it for free. Personally, I think what she offered is more than fair and I'd jump at the opportunity if it was presented to me.
You should have to pay your mother because babies are a lot of work. Especially as they grow up. (It was a lot easier before they are mobile; and no, crawling doesn't really count. DS climbs up dressers, climbs onto the kitchen counters/dining room table, climbs out of his crib, crawls off in the store, and has temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way. And he is heavy.)
In any case, if your mother wants to be paid then it is not an unreasonable request. You are still getting child care for a really low price with someone you trust. She did all of your child care when you were a baby for free. She probably helped pay for your college and your wedding. She gives you gifts and probably gave gifts for the baby. She worked to earn her retirement. She probably doesn't get a whole lot of money since she retired and she can't work or volunteer anywhere if she is watching your child.
Pay her and let her watch your child, quit your job and SAH, or find other (more expensive) arrangements.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13