pity party — The Bump
Secondary IF

pity party

3 of 4 of my closest friends just announced their pregnancies.  I have never been so happy and sad at the same time.  They all had infertility the first time around and managed to get pg the first cycle this time around.  We have been trying for 11 months with no luck.  Part of me wants to avoid hanging out because it will be a lot of pregnancy talk with side glances at me.  I don't want to be a Debby Downer in the group but I don't want to lose my friends either.  Also my son hangs plays with their kids and I don't want to avoid socialization opportunities for him.  What would you do?  Would you go to playdates and just deal with it or would you avoid it for a while until you get a better handle on your emotions?  
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Re: pity party

  • Can you be open with them? If they went through IF the first time, surely they would know where you are coming from.

    What a tough situation. If they are good friends, they will be sensitive to your feelings, and try to not make it worse. 

    You need to do what is best for you. 

  • yeah.  they are really nice and thoughtful, but I know that they will want to talk about their pregnancies.  It's so exciting for all of them and who could blame them.  I guess I am just insecure.  I feel like the odd one out.  Also I have always been very open about my infertility issues and they have always been supportive.  Lately with all of the new pregnancies I just don't want to talk about it.  I start to cry every time and I don't want to cry in front of other people.  I don't cry in public.  This sucks.  I just want to be pregnant.  I know I am new to this board but I need someone to talk to.  Thanks. 
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  • I can imagine it would be really rough if you all hang out together and you are the odd woman out.  If that is the case, maybe continue to spend time with them to maintain the friendship and get in play time for the kids, but do it on an individual basis with each friend.  If you are one on one with a pg person you can still have lots of other shared interest to talk about besides her pregnancy. (Rather than the other 3 talking about pregnancy together around you.)  Does that make sense?
    Married 9-4-04

    ***PM me for my IF history***

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  • The same thing happened to me last year. DH and I started TTC in 8/08 and 3 of my friends got pregnant that fall. I thought it was going to be terrible to hang out, but it wasn't that awful. Now all their babies are 7-9 months old and I'm still TTC. Each time we hung out it got a little easier. One of the girls is actually my sister in law so that was pretty hard to see her all the time, but.....
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