Single Parents

The Choices Single Mothers Must Make

Whether it is going back to work sooner, not being able to stay at home with your LO, having LO spend the night with relatives sometimes, or sleep training, there are certain things that single mothers have to do that may not be our first choice but those are the choices we HAVE to make to survive.

I just posted on 3-6 about sleep training, Ferber is what I have chosen which is not cry it out contrary to popular belief. Anyway, some were supportive but others were judgemental a**hats. Well, I wake up at 5 am to get LO to daycare and drive the hour to work. I get home at 7, give her a bath and feed  and then she's ready for sleep by 8. That doesn't leave me any time to eat, shower myself, finish up work or prepare for the next day but she refuses still to sleep anywhere but on me. Well, sleep training HAS to happen...there is nobody else in my house to hold her or help me, the buck stops with me. And I'm the only living we have.

I appreciate you ladies more and more every day, and don't even know anymore why I bother going to boards where people are so judgemental and unsympathetic to the hard choices we must sometimes make!!

Thanks for being awesome and supportive girlies! 

Re: The Choices Single Mothers Must Make

  • You do whatever you feel you have to. Unless people are in your shoes, they have no idea how hard it is. There are many things we have to sacrifice being single mothers.

    I am so sorry that you don't have any help. I can honestly say i would be in soooo much trouble if it were not for my mother. She is the best!!

    We will always be here for support. Hang in there!

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  • imagepeeps61308:

    You do whatever you feel you have to. Unless people are in your shoes, they have no idea how hard it is.


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  • I have to admit that I was one of those very judgmental moms before I became a single mom. I think the only good thing to come out of this is that I no longer judge people before getting the full story.

    As long as your DD is not in danger and you're doing everything you possibly can then you have nothing to feel bad about. I know it's hard not to let other's opinions get you down, but at the end of the day we're only accountable to our selves and our children.

  • imagelilcyndiluwho:

    I was 100%, firmly, anti cosleeping until I became a single parent.  Not judgemental about for other people, but no way would it happen in my house.  HA!  When you don't have someone to share the night time duties with you and letting DC sleep in your bed means you both get a good night sleep, things change.  Fast!   I'm not crazy about the fact that he's in my bed everynight from start to finish, but we're both rested and that's more important in my book for the time being.

    One thing single parenthood has taught me is never say never. We all do what we have to do because that's just the way it is.

    I felt the same way about cosleeping. When DH and I were together I think I used cosleeping as a way to keep him out of the bedEmbarrassed. Now that he is gone, I just like having her there, plus it is easier tyo pat her butt and get her back to sleep without really waking up. Whatever works!!

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  • I think that when I became a parent and saw what worked and what didn't work in regards to my DDs is when all my parenting philosophys went out the door.  But then again I was robbed of the newborn/infant stage with DD#1 in the hospital as much as she was.  You do whats best for you and your child.  Everyone has an opinion, but in no way do they have to be an a$$hat about expessing it.
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  • Just the other day I was saying how I wanted to take my son to the aquarium bc I was tired of us being cooped up in the house on weekends doing nothing. I mentioned to my friend that I was going to go out and buy one of those little backpack leashes for DS to use for the outing. She BEGGED me not to use one bc it was so tacky, blah blah blah. It was then that I had to remind her that it was just going to be me ALONE w/DS. There would be no husband/father there to take DS by the hand and show him the exhibits while I stand in the background w/the stroller. I was going to be responsible for me, DS, the stroller, and the diaper bag so unless she wanted to tag along and help, she needed to keep the judgemental attitude to herself. I hate that people are so quick to judge others (esp mothers). What I decide to do in MY house with MY child is MY business. Unless you want to come along and go half on the rent, then KIM (keep it moving!)
  • I agree with this.  CIO has definitely gotten a lot of flack on the boards but the thing is, often times LO is waking up out of habit.  Of course we wouldn't neglect our child in any way, but when you are waking up 5 or more times a night and have to get up to go to work in the morning it gets a little ridiculous!  I have found myself posting less and less on 3 to 6 because I feel like I have less in common with them.  It's nothing against them, really, but it does seem like they have trivial problems compared to the crap we are all going through!  I am not knocking them either, because you can't know what you don't know.  But I just choose to post more here.  Love all you ladies!
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  • Everyone has different methods of how to raise children, but there is no wrong or right (unless of course it is causing real harm to the child)... opinions are just that...opinions.  In the end, you have to do what is right for you.
  • You definitely have to do what works for you and your LO.  No one else has the right to judge you as they are not in your situation.  I look at all of the responsibilities of a single mom and sometimes there are just some things  that need to happen and its on us to make them happen- therefore you do what YOU need to do.  Don't let others get you down- they have no idea what its like to be alone with a baby all the time!


    Kirsten DD 4-7-06
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