Success after IF

Why does Cal do EXACTLY what we tell him not to?

I know this is normal behavior for his age, but I don't know the reasons behind it, developmentally.  It seems as soon as we tell him he shouldn't do something the 1st time, he then proceeds to purposely do it over and over and over.  Why is this?
Childhood cancer (DH) + chemo + radiation = 0 sperm.
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!

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Re: Why does Cal do EXACTLY what we tell him not to?

  • He's testing his limits, to see what he can get away with. Like you said, it is totally normal and will probably get worse before it gets better. Brady still does things that we have been telling him every single day for the past 6 months not to do. Except now he gives you that, "I know I am not supposed to be doing this" smile and it is hard not to laugh. :o)
  • I know! Bennett is always trying to do the most dangerous thing possible. I'm always saying that to him! He was so good about going down the stairs backwards, but now that he's walking, he tries to walk down them forward. He has no fear!!
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  • He is testing your limits and his limits and also trying to get a reaction out of you.  How you react shapes how he will react to certain situations in the future.  Be consistent with boundaries and redirect him to another activity.
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  • Does he look right at you when he's doing it?  Cause that's what Ella does.  She is testing us to see what exactly she can get away with.
    Ella- 8/22/08, Jules and Tuck- 12/15/10
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  • Lily does the same thing, constantlly going for our dogs food even though we tell her no.  She looks right at us, smiles, and goes for it!
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  • He showing you that he is in charge of his actions and his person - he's doing the very earliest stages of asserting his independence from you.  It only gets more fun the older they get Stick out tongue
  • He does look right at us, and sometimes smiles.  I agree, it can be hard not to laugh!  The most intentional ones are like today.  He has his own little drumset and he was walking around with one of the sticks in his mouth.  I told him not to put the stick in his mouth.  So, what did he do?  Kept putting it in his mouth over and over, looking at me every time.  Finally we moved on to another activity b/c I didn't have the patience for that anymore.
    Childhood cancer (DH) + chemo + radiation = 0 sperm.
    LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
    LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
    Life is beautiful!

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  • I don't have parental experience yet, but from my experience in Early Childhood, children at his age have a short attention span. So, if you say, "Don't put the stick in your mouth, Stop putting the stick in your mouth, We don't put sticks in our mouths, etc" all they hear is what you say at the end - Put the stick in your mouth. So instead, try to redirect them to another activity (just like you did when you got frustrated) or or show him what to do with the stick. You'll have to do it a lot, but you'll see that showing him what he's supposed to do instead of what not to do will make a big difference.

    Also remember, he is still so young and still trying to learn all the rules.  For all of his life he has stuck things in his mouth. He's just now starting to learn that not everything goes into the mouth. At his age he has no control over impulses (sticking things in his mouth is an impulse). He also does not have the ability to think ahead and plan out that he's trying to test you. He's doing exactly what he's supposed to do at his age. Consistency and repetition is how he's going to learn what he's supposed to do.

    Please believe, I'm not trying to be one of those know it all who doesn't have kids yet. Just sharing what I've learned by spending 40 hours/week with one year olds for 6 years. There is tons of info out there on redirection and positive discipline for toddlers. May make your life a little easier. :)


    *Excessive scar tissue, blocked tubes*hypothyroidism*
    IVF #1 BFN 10/07
    IVF #2 w/ICSI & AH*C/P 5/09
    Beta #1-33 Beta #2-50 Beta #3-10
    FET 9/9/09*Transferred 2 Blasts*BFP!
    Beta #1- 2991, Beta #2 - 6757 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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