Upstate NY Babies

Feeling guilty...

ok so I'm bottle feeding- I was bottle fed so was my husband...but I'm feeling super guilty...I tried to Bf in the hospital but just couldnt hold the baby and my boob with my hands- and every feeding I was crying...I even tried to pump but nothing...then when we got home and my milk came in- I tried to offer breast to L and he was not having it...

*sigh* so he had this HUGE fit today (which I know is normal) and I was in my baby book by dr. sears and now I feel like he had this fit b/c he's not BF...


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Re: Feeling guilty...

  • You are a great mommy, and you should not feel guilty!  Lorenzo is going to thrive no matter what, and that's because he's surrounded by love :)  Don't beat yourself up.  Stay positive!
  • don't feel the least bit guilty! there is such preasure to breastfeed, and it doesn't always work out. You are a great mommy! And believe me, even if you were BF, he would still have a fit. I remember the first day DH went back to work, Evan and I had the worst day, and all he did was cry and scream!
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  • As much as I love Dr. Sears, he can be a huge a-hole.  He is very, very judgy and can make you feel really guilty about things.  I felt awful about not co-sleeping full time after I read the chapters about sleep.  I love this quote from a parenting blog I read:

    "If anyone tells you there's something you have to do one way or your kid will be screwed up, run fast the other way. If you like reading books, read a bunch of them; something you read might help you out. But be really wary of anyone telling you what you're doing is absolutely wrong, or who prescribes some way of life that just doesn't seem to make sense for the way your child and family are. (I really really can't stand the people who tell you you have to do it their way or your kids will be ruined! forever! *cough*EzzoSearsHoggWeissbluth*cough* If you read them, take them with a grain of salt."

    So, yeah, grain of salt.  You're doing a great job!


  • There is nothing to feel guilty about! OK, so I felt guilty, too, at first when I had trouble bf-ing and finally gave up on it completely. There is nothing wrong with giving your child formula. You are providing him love and comfort and nutrients - that's what's important. Do what you need to to keep you all sane!

    ETA: My guy went from 4 1/2 lbs at birth to the 27 lb. hulk he is today. I do not regret one second of my decision to ff.

  • Don't feel guilty.. I'm sorry to those who may disagree but I despise Dr. Sears..Its a bunch of biased non-sense. Breastfeed, cosleep, babywear and feed on demand, oh and don't forget to delay vaccines. Like there is no other way in the world.

    Melissa & Jeff 5-27-06
    m/c 1/2/08 and 3/12/08
    Eve Amelia- Born 2/24/09. 6lb 9.9oz
    Natalie Ruth - Born 6/13/11 7lb 6.6oz
    baby growth
  • You have nothing to feel guilty about though I can relate to the feelings!!  It doesn't work out for everyone. Breastfeeding was not easy for me the first time and it's still difficult the second time around.  I told myself though before Dylan was born that I would not allow myself to feel guilty again if I don't breastfeed him as long as I did Justin.  You just do what you can. There is nothing wrong with giving formula.  
    Lilypie Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Do not feel guilty. I choose to ff from day one. It was a decision that worked best for our family. I do not regret it or feel guilty about it. She is a healthy, growing, thriving, happy baby. I am happy knowing that she is eating and getting what she needs from formula. This is the main reason I have not read any baby books. I do not bf, cosleep or baby wear and I have one of the happiest babies. I must be doing something right.

    Make the decisions that work best for you and that you and you baby will be happy with, not with what a book says you should do.

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  • I feel that BFing is harder than anything I have ever done. I almost had a nervous breakdown over it with Evan. And I still carry some guilt over it not lasting that long....esp since things with Leah have gone better (although we're still not out of the woods) A mentally healthy mommy is by far the most important thing for your little babe.

    Man, I could write a book about this - please know you are not alone!!!

  • I just replied to your post below, then saw this one.  I don't have time to read everyone's responses right now.  But if you are not BFing and co-sleeping, THROW OUT DR. SEARS!  SERIOUSLY THROW HIM OUT!  Not that he is bad, I cosleep and BF, but he offers like no alternatives.  He is a his way and the only way!

    Also, if you really want to give BFing one last try, you can call a LC and ask them to help you.  As long as your milk hasn't dried up.  There is a method for introducing an slightly older newborn to nursing.  If you want, you are by no means a failure if you don't want to try.  And if you do want to try, have her show you to nurse side laying!  This is why nursing got better for me when we got home, I learned to side lay because I was in so much pain trying to hold DS and nurse!

    What ever you do, you are doing what is best for you!!!

  • I never read any of the Dr sears books, but I did experience this exact feeling.

    I absolutely felt the EXACT same way not long ago.  I always told myself that I would try and see if I could do it, if I couldn't then i wouldn't be upset.  Well, I tried - it hurt, I couldn't get in good positions, she was not latching, I had like, 4 people grabbing my boobs in the hospital, I hated it.  I wasn't happy and neither was she.

    Regardless of all of this, I still felt guilty like I was not being a good mommy to my LO.  That feeling passed when I saw she was eating well, she was a happy baby, and I knew how much she was actually eating (something you obviously do not know BFing) 

    Know you are not alone in this feeling, it will pass when you know that your little guy is being well taken care of and he is eating well.  Not to mention, I credit FF for her STTN from day one Smile

  • Don't feel guilty!  He's going to be fine.  I was formula fed and so were most of my friends.  He didn't have the fit because he's not breastfed.  Don't let the books dictate all of your parenting, it'll exhaust you.  Follow your brain and heart, you'll know what's best.  It's that whole mother's instinct thing.



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