discipline question

snickerdoodle27

My toddler is extremely difficult in the mornings. This morning was downright brutal in trying to get him dressed. Kicking/screaming/yelling/crying, the whole bit. Dh and I both told him that if he didn't cooperate he'd lose TV tonigh night (he loves to watch Max & Ruby). But, my concern is that 10 hours later,  he won't remember what happened in the morning, so the fact that he can't watch TV will have no effect on him, other than to make him upset again. Am I right?

summerbrideDC

yeah, I agree. there's got to be something more immediate as a consequence.   Is there something he likes to listen to in the car?  If Ethan can't keep his sh*t together in the mornings, he knows he doesn't get to listen to the Beatles on the way to school. It's a much more immediate consequence.

ppants

I'd focus on the positive.  Get a reward chart and he gets a sticker  everytime he doesn't freak out in the morning.  Can he pick out his own clothes?  Maybe he just feels a lack of control over anything.  Or make it a game...try helping him get dressed incorrectly.  Underwear on foot or head, shirt on legs then have him help you.  My kids crack up and get over stuff pretty quickly if I act silly. 

DaiLyght

mrs_sexy:

I'd focus on the positive.  Get a reward chart and he gets a sticker  everytime he doesn't freak out in the morning.  Can he pick out his own clothes?  Maybe he just feels a lack of control over anything.  Or make it a game...try helping him get dressed incorrectly.  Underwear on foot or head, shirt on legs then have him help you.  My kids crack up and get over stuff pretty quickly if I act silly. 

dito this. Lots of choices to give him a sense of having some control. Pick out two shirts and let him choose, he picks which foot gets a sock first, etc. It sounds silly to you, but to them it's huge. And I agree, the consequences need to be more immediate.

Good luck. Three isn't easy. I would rather have the terrible two's all over again, to be honest.

4Speedy

I just went to a seminar this past weekend given by Jim Fay and Dr. Charles Fay of the "Love & Logic" books.  They brought this up specifically.  Dr. Fay has a PhD and did his dissertation specifically on delayed consequences and behavior modification--trying to disprove what BF Skinner came up with in the 50's about consequences needing to be immediate in order to modify bad bevavior.  He says it's perfectly acceptible to delay the corrective action and that often it is even beneficial.  If you wonder if your child is capable of having bhfavior modified by delayed consequences, tell them in the morning that after dinner you will take them out for ice cream.  Bet you anything, toward the end of dinner, your child will remind you of your promise.  If your child is capable of that, then they are absolutely capable of realizing well ofter the fact why there is some sort of disciplinary action taking place.