Some people work because they have to

haleymay18

and some people work because they enjoy it.

I have to, good thing I enjoy it.

What about you?

shouldbworkin

Have to, for money and my sanity.    Although, when I was laid off last year we did determine that we could survive with me making much, much less, but it would have meant cutting out things that are really important to us, like preschool and classes for our kids. 

jlw2505

Combo - work because I need to and I enjoy it.  Love my kids but I am not a SAHM.  Granted, if that was all I knew, I am sure I would be great at it and love it and have a great routine going but since my only SAHM experience was during leave, I could not do it.  I would love to be a PT SAHM and work part time.  3 days of work would be great but no such luck at this point in my life.  Honestly, I am happier since I work and have things in my life outside being a mom and that makes me a better mom.  My kids love school and thrive so all is good.  My mom worked full time my whole life until she retired and my sibs and I all turned out great.

MrsT1209

We could get by if I didn't. 

BUT...  DD had the worst colic and reflux and by the time she was 6 months, I was racing out of the house to go back to work for my own sanity. 

Thankfully, I really do enjoy and love my job so it's win/win for me.

madhatter2003

both, although once my DH graduates and gets a job I won't *need* to work full time, but would like to work part time. Only time will tell.

I used the word 'time' wayyy too much LOL

seaturtle19

i would say both- sometimes i feel bad that i am not a SAHM but it is not really my thing.  we would be struggling with $$ too.  If we were totally loaded and i could afford to stay home and go out and do fun money costing things....that would be different!!! i enjoy a challenge!

AlisaS

What amount of money does one's husband have to make to make a woman's job a want and not a need?

I don't want or need to be defined in my career or my life based on what income my husband makes.

These definitions are completely arbitrary and value-laden. If you say you NEED to work, you seem to get some extra level of sympathy (poor mommy, she misses her babies but HAS to work) vs. saying you CHOOSE to work (bad mommy neglecting her children). I am not saying it happens on this board always but IRL, this is the stigma.

I think as women, we need to be mindful of the language we use, given the continuing discrimination and stigma.

 

 

oct11bride03

Haven't gone back yet, but I am choosing to go back to work in a few weeks. Financially I don't have to work but I know I'm not cut out to be a SAHM.

madhatter2003

Well, right now we need to work as PhD students don't earn enough to support 2 kids and a wife.

However, I will choose to work even when he is done.  Because I like what I do...simple as that. Ideally I will have the CHOICE though to drop to part time, since that is what I want....time to work, but also more time with my kids to do things I can't do now from lack of time with them.

Halo79RN

 

 I believe she is referring to families who may have one parent who wants to stay home, but the family needs two incomes. maybe mother or father do not enjoy his or her position at all... but do so b/c they must have 2 incomes.

as far as being defined by his income.... my husband's income and my income go in one budget, our budget.  we have our own accounts, but our total paycheck is accounted for in our budget.  it was the same for the 11 mos I SAH after dd was born and it was the same for the 5 years dh was in graduate school.

My family does need 2 incomes, although not two full time incomes... but I also enjoy my job.   before moving here, I worked just b/c I wanted to work.  part time.that amount earned was not necessary to pay bills.   we moved , it's expensive here. I must work some to pay some bills.  but I work part time.  I enjoy my job.  I would be working parttime even if my husbands paycheck paid all the necessities.

Mini_Mariah

At first, I wanted to work.  DH's salary more than covered us.  But we moved to a much bigger house, bought a second car, etc. so now I feel that I have to work.  We could make ends meet but it would not be as comfortable.  I'd like to go part-time, but I don't think full time SAHM is for me. 

t.bird

i work because i WANT to. there is no way i could stay home 24/7- i'm not cut out for it. plus, i like bringing in money & not having to ask my husband for it.

i give major props to SAHMs.

carrie4g

I truly believe that WM and SAHM are both considered working moms. The jobs are just different, the pay is different, the work load is different but everyone is still working. I've been working since I was 16!   I don't absolutely wake up every day saying, "Wow, I can't wait to go to work" but I do wake up everyday and just go to work.  I like earning money and if we had tons of money or I won the lottery, I'd still work (maybe not in a cubicle but you get it). It just a part of life.

jaime5121

I wish I didn't have to work, but I do.  I don't enjoy my job, I can't even say I like it.  I do it because it pays the bills.  In a perfect world, I would love to be a SAHM, but that just isn't the case.  I just keep trying to find something I like that will pay the bills.

AutumnBride929

I work because I enjoy it.

Teresa

Wow, it's so refreshing to see so many mom's admit they're not SAHM materiel.  I frequent a few other boards and most of them are SAHM's and that's the golden standard.  I'm glad I found this board!!

That being said, I know we could probably make it if I didn't work, but I choose to.  I was laid off last year and while it should have been me that was stressed, we discussed me staying home and it was too much stress on my DH to be the sole bread winner in a unstable economy and he was not easy to live with.  So I found an even better job that I really do like to show up for (my old job sucked!) and things are peachy now.  Also, while I love my kids, I am just not wired to be home all day, every day with them.  Part time would be better, but that's not an option right now.

But there's always that lottery question hanging out there and if that happened, NO, I wouldn't work. 

haleymay18

AlisaS:

What amount of money does one's husband have to make to make a woman's job a want and not a need?

I don't want or need to be defined in my career or my life based on what income my husband makes.

These definitions are completely arbitrary and value-laden. If you say you NEED to work, you seem to get some extra level of sympathy (poor mommy, she misses her babies but HAS to work) vs. saying you CHOOSE to work (bad mommy neglecting her children). I am not saying it happens on this board always but IRL, this is the stigma.

I think as women, we need to be mindful of the language we use, given the continuing discrimination and stigma.

 

I think you make some interesting points but I wasn't really expecting a full critique of my rhetoric.

Thanks for schooling me on social norms and how deviant my post was (This post was so pre-great fire mindset, right?) I'll be sure to not reference woman as NEEDING to work but if you asked my dh why he works he would reply "UM, because I NEED to". Don't worry, I am sure to hug him and give hiim lots of sympathy just like I expect for HAVING to be at work.

 

newlywed26

I work, because we like to be able to save a ton and live comfortably.  We can pretty much do whatever we would like whenever and not have to worry about money at all.  If only one of us worked, we'd be more on a limited budget.  Also, more importantly, we have a great support system.  My mil watches him, and a babysitter gets him 2x/week, and it's a real joke what she charges us.  I almost feel like it would be a waste for me not to work.

mauceddie

AlisaS:

What amount of money does one's husband have to make to make a woman's job a want and not a need?

I don't want or need to be defined in my career or my life based on what income my husband makes.

Eh, we are all moms. so, of course the discussion is around US. not our DH's. And frankly, if I were making a a few million a year, DH wouldn't be working. But we are the moms so we'll be talking about ourselves and our decisions and feelings.

However, I will say that I am absolutely defined by my DH. And he is defined by me. We CHOSE each other as life partners and co-parents so of course his accomplishements reflect on me and vice versa.

JulieRNbride

We had a very long discussion before kids of what we wanted and how we would acheive those goals....and having a parent be a SAHP was not one of those ambitions. If I were to be brutally honest, DH would probably prefer that I was a SAHM; it would actually make his life a whole lot easier.

On the flip side, most SAHM's I know (broad generalization) have DH's that do little to no housework, little to no interaction with the daily routines/child rearing, and have a lot of outside activities that keep them away from the house, whether it be working more hours or hobbies, etc. I actually fear that; I know if I were a SAHM, my DH would have a lot more "free time" for himself, and I would get little to none. It's not fair, and it's not right, but I need my own space and sanity, and my coworkers are all working moms who are toughing it out with me....we can talk about everything together!

I also worked hard for my degree, and love what I do, and I think it makes DH a better parent to have to fend for himself on the weekends when I am gone. He has come a long way with parenting our two kids, and they have a great relationship.

BizEB

I work because I absolutely love it.  And I like fun money.  And I have a super flexible schedule. 

I can't imagine not working- I love it that much. 

I'm also totally not a SAH type-- there's never been a day that I 've regretted my decision to work and I have never thought of staying home.

BlairWaldorf

Because I have to.  Because my husband does not make enough money to pay our bills alone, therefore I MUST work.  & if that makes me a victim because I'd love to be a SAHM but I'm "forced" away from my child, then so be it.

Before I had Harrison, I couldn't imagine NOT working.  I love my job.  I still love my job & enjoy what I do & where I work.  & I'm thankful for my job.

But I love my kid more.

kjennnn

I'm in the same boat as Blair. We just wouldnt be able to do it on DH;s salary. It would make more financial sense for him to be a SAHD since I carry the benefits, and make more $. But things would still be super tight and I don't think I;m SAHM material. My ideal would bde to work part time instead of SAHM, but my job won't allow p/t only.

mysticporter

Both.  I dislike my current job, but enjoy having a career.  As far as it goes, either DH or I would have to work (that's just a reality since we haven't won the lottery).  I'm the one who's filling that need.

TarzansWife

Need two incomes, I love certain aspects of my job, other aspects I hate. Either way I miss LO during the day and I wish I could be a SAHM.

cmbrown

i have to.  really wish i enjoyed it.

MSE82005

While I am still officially on leave, I thought I'd weigh in on this.  In our case, DH is self-employed (and a realtor--so business is slow right now), so I carry the insurance.  For the last several years, we've saved a lot of my take home pay, so we have a pretty decent nest egg to rely on--but we need the insurance.  I also know I want to work--at least some.  I worked hard for my advanced degree, and I'm good at what I do.  I've actually had days where I felt I wasn't needed because my co-workers are adamant about not calling me while I'm out (at least not for work related stuff).  I had to go in this week to handle something that really needed me to handle--and it felt good.  When I got home, I had a great time with my son.  I think it was good for me.  So in my case--both--I need to work for the insurance, and for my sanity.

notmommyoftheyear

I have to because we need two incomes.  However, I like my job. Really like my job.  It would be excruciating to be away from my child for nine hours a day if I hated what I did.

I do wish I could work from home and/or work part time.  I think that would be the best of both worlds. 

nickicl

I need to for my sanity and chosen lifestyle.  I also want to because I like my job and I like to do adult things like solve business problems, manage projects and talk to other adults and I believe there are many other benefits.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/29789960.aspx

wanderlustmom

I do think this is something that needs to be discussed, we figured out how to plan our lives for me to work PT after first child and then SAH after second child.  After a year though, SAH was just not for me, I really missed my career.  Now I am back 20 hours a week and I'm loving it.  It wasn't a need because we could cover all costs and savings on DH's income but it was a want for me and I am much happier as a working mom.  Much happier!

beckytr

I consider myself a working mom because I go to law school full time.  I took the fall semester off and just went back two weeks ago.  I figure I shouldn't drop out b/c I am 2/3 done :-P  I was scared/sad to go back but I like it too.

bella213

I work because I want to work.  It just so happens that my family also depends on my income.  Even if we didn't need my income, I'd still work, just maybe not so many crazy hours!