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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Jacques715
member
Working Moms, Question for You.
Jacques715
member
I return to work next Wed. Tahlia is a terrible sleeper. She usually goes to bed b/w 7-7:30. We dreamfeed her around 10 and she goes back down until 1. Come 1 however, she is up constantly. She gets up at 1, 2:30, 3:30, 5, and 6 for the morning. I have been the one getting up with her majority of the time since DH goes to work. Now that I am going back we are struggling with what to do. DH and I have been fighting constantly. We are both so exhausted and I can't imagine adding work into the mix right now. That said, not working is not an option. So, how tired were you when you started work? Is the transition extremely difficult? DH and I are seriosuly contemplating sleep training, beginning tonight. We feel as if it is our only option. Like I said, we have been at eachothers throats these past few weeks and during the middle of the night, neither of us is happy to get up with Tahlia. I am just worried that going back to work and Tahlia's new schedule will be enough stress on her w/o starting sleep training but we do not know what else to do.
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Re: Working Moms, Question for You.
That sounds miserable!
I am not much help in the sleep department... DS mostly STTN (he'll wake for a pacifier once or twice, but that's it).
Is it an option for you to go back part time at first? That's what I did, and it really helped with making the transition. I don't have a typical 8-5 job though (I teach at a university), so I don't know if that would work in your situation.
I am tired. Just from the constant go-go-go & squeezing everything into 24 hours. & Harrison is an excellent sleeper, so I cannot imagine doing it with a bad sleeper.
So honestly, you would get ZERO judgment from me if you did sleep training. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to survive, regardless of what the experts in a book say. & it's not like Tahlia is 6 weeks old, you know?
One thing that worked well for me & Nate - we had a cutoff. I took everything before 5am. He took everything after. So at least we were getting some solid sleep. What if you went to bed at 8pm & he took everything until 10pm, then you took everything from 1am to 4am, then he took everything after 4am? (depending on when you have to leave the house)
alex is a wonderful steelper- thank God. but when she does get up- it's all on me. and if it's mroe than usual, i just deal with the zombie state all day. eh.
since she gets up so much, sleep training might be a good way to go. i can't imagine functioning with almost no sleep everyday.
look at the birds | bless this food
Part time is not an option, unfortuantely. I am a kindergarten teacher. :sighs:
Yes it's tiring and yes it's hard to go back to work when you're dealing with sleepless nights. We still have nights like that. We split nights so that we each get a few hours of definite, uninterrupted sleep. DH does til 2:00 and I do 2:00 until we get up. And it usually happens that one of us has a rough night while the other sleeps all night but it all evens out eventually. Of course no one is going to be happy to get up several times in the middle of the night. It sucks, you might want to try sleep training if it's that bad.
What are you fighting about now and at each other's throats about if you are the one getting up all the time? Just who is going to do it when you go back? You might find that once you go back and she gets into a stricter routine, she'll start sleeping better. Have you tried cutting out the dreamfeeding? It sounds like that is just waking her up for the rest of the night.
Yes, I imagine learning to pack everything into the 24 hour period is the most difficult.
Yea, REick and I wish we would have started the sleep training this past weekend so we would have 2 solid weeks before I return to work. But then we chickened out. Like you said, it is not like Tahlia is 6 weeks old. She will be 4 months on Saturday. I think I am more concerned with SO much change, daycare, sleep training, etc. I just want to make a decision I will be able to stick to.
Yes, Rick and I have mapped out a wake/sleep/feed schedule for ourselves, in the event we do not decide to sleep train. I did not mention in my previous post however our other major issue. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment w/ a loft. Tahlia's nursery is set up in the loft. She has not been sleeping there however because the loft is above the LR and kitchen which means we pretty much lose use of that space once Tahlia goes to sleep. So, she is currently still sleeping in a co- sleeper in our BR. That makes creating a wake/sleep schedule almost pointless since we are both woken by her crying and she is soothed back to sleep in our room.
I guess we just need to make a decision and stick it out. If we decide to sleep train, we will be putting her in her crib in the loft. We will just have to accept that come 7pm we will be bound to our bedroom. I think this is partly what makes finalizing the decision to sleep train more difficult.
how is her napping?
do you have a bedtime routine?
you can always consider taking turns - you do one night, he does one night. at least that way you are getting sleep every-other-night instead of never.
See my response to Blair's opst. Our living/sleeping situation is the main reason for our fights. Even though I am currently doind a majority of the caretaking in the middle of the night, Rick is still woken and sometimes has difficulty getting back to sleep. This is especially true when Tahlia does not go right back down.
Yes, we have tried eliminating the dreamfeed. When we did she woke at 12 (hungry) then still woke again all those other times. At least if we dreamfees her at 10-10:30, we get uninterrupted sleep until 1-1:30.
Oh it sucks. DD went through a 3mth growth spurt, which led into the 4mth wakeful which is just now starting to improve a little. I have been running on empty since I came back to work. I am exhausted, losing weight, and DH and I are arguing a lot too.
Have you tried to see what happens if you don't dreamfeed her at 10pm? that might help break the cycle if she wakes up at the same times every night. Things started improving for us when we let DD stay up late on Christmas Eve - til 10:30pm and she slept til 6:30am! It's been very up and down since then but at least then we started getting the odd night here and there that were better.
DD would go to bed around 9pm, wake up around midnight - take 2hrs to settle her, then wake at 3am, 3:30am...oh it is just painful, it really is.
Our house is small so even though I get up with DD, DH wakes up too and can't get back to sleep.
When I first went back to work DS woke up mutiple times and we would switch nights sleeping in the nursery, so that way we each got good sleep every other night... not the best but we got through it.
DS is down to up 1-2 times a night and usually I get up... I just hear him first. We also get up earlier and do things before work because DS likes getting up at 5:30, so our week days start at 5:30.
Her napping is unpredicatable, wonderful somedays and horrific the next. Yes, we have a solid bedtime routine which is why I think she sleeps so well from 7-1. It come 1am that things really fall apart.
Tell him that nothing is wrong, he is sleeping like a baby! They have more frequent periods of light sleep so they are more inclined to wake up. It's a safety mechanism to make sure they get what they need.
OP, I have nothing really to offer because sleep training skeeves me out, but I'm blessed with a fairly good sleeper who usually only wakes up once a night and has STTN the past couple of days, and I have 18 months mat leave. I don't know how I'd be able to cope in your situation because I need my sleep! Good luck with whatever you decide.
I am tired, but I was tired before I came back to work too...
Where is your DD going when you go to work? I am guessing that she will probably be much more active during the day, nap a little less be alert a little more and more night time sleep will come.
My DD has been getting up 2 times lately. She will go to sleep around 7 wake around 11 then again about 4. We actually switch nights. DH does one, then I do one... just nice to know that when you are tired the next night you can get good sleep.
Have you tried eliminating the dream feed? It could be throwing her off more than helping.
Best of luck!
~Working Mom~Breastfeeding Mom~Cloth Diapering Mom~BLW Mom~
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When I went back to work, Cam was 3 months old
He usually went to sleep between 9 and 10pm, slept until anywhere from 1-4, ate, then went back to sleep until anywhere from 5-8.
Work was easier than I expected at first, but about 1.5 months in, the lack of sleep started to catch up with me. During that time I began preparing for the the someday possibility of sleep training, so I gradually de-swaddled him, and made sure we had a good routine down, and tried to put him down drowsy but awake whenever possible. Then, a couple of weeks ago he started waking more often for no reason at all.
So, last Tuesday night we started using SleepEasy Solution for sleep training. It has worked beautifully for bedtime. We're still working on naps, but at night he now goes down to sleep about 8pm, wakes once to eat around 2-3, goes right back to sleep until around 7-8:30. It has been wonderful.
You can get the DVD from Netflix, if you're interested in watching it. The two women are annoying and patronizing, but once you get past that (we laughed at them through the entire video), their advice helps, and it doesn't require reading a 300-400 page book.
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I feel for you. If you feel comfortable with sleep training, and think that's the right option for you, then do your research and get some sleep. I know it's controversial, but honestly, if the alternative is a set of unhappy, angry, unsympathetic parents, then do the sleep training!
My husband and I set a schedule to try to give us both nights where we can sleep and not be with the baby. I'm EBFing, so on his nights if J has to eat he brings him to me in bed, but takes care of the rest. So, I know I will get reasonable sleep Fri-Sun nights, and DH sleeps Mon-Thur nights. Lately we've kind of been loose about it b/c if J smells me he wants to eat, and I know he doesn't always need to feed if he wakes up in the middle of the night, so DH has been going to try to settle him at first and then if he's inconsolable I will come and nurse him.
I hope you find something that works for you guys. We went through the "wakeful" stretch the last few weeks and they were tough. It would be hard to do that every single night.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you.
I was so tired my first two weeks back to work that I would fall asleep while pumping. As a matter of fact, those first two weeks were great for my stash because I'd go pump like every 2 hours just so that I could take a 15 min nap.
The same way that you adapted to having a new baby in your home is the same way you'll adapt to throwing work in the mix.
The *key* is to get a schedule that works for YOU and DH. He doesn't get a free ride in this. What worked for us was me handling bedtime and any time before 3am. He did every time after 3am. When I left the room, I'd shut off the monitor so that he could sleep through it and he did the same for me.
You also have to lower your expectations. Just know that Tahlia is going to wake up. That's it. There's nothing you can do about it until she gets into a routine. So you make sure that you sleep when she sleeps. If she goes to bed at 7:30, you go to bed at 8/8:30.
My DD was up like crazy when I went back to work and she reversed cycle so she was eating every 2 hours. It was dreadful. Now she STTN and did it on her own.