Need nanny advice (also posted on Working Moms)

MrsGarrett929

This is a little long- sorry in advance!

I started back to work on 1/4 and instead of putting DS in daycare, I am paying my neighbor to be the nanny. She comes to my house to watch him and my office is upstairs next to the nursery & bonus room where they 'play' during the day.  Here's my situation- being here all day, I can see & hear what they are doing.  Almost every single day, she is on the phone with her husband hourly, invites her 2 teenage boys over to visit, entertains DS by letting him watch Disney music videos on YouTube, etc.  I'm paying her $11/hr and do not feel like it's worth it at this point.  I don't know how to talk to her about being on the phone so much and having her kids come over.  She's my mother's age so even thinking about having a tough conversation makes me uncomfortable.  I'm not really saving any money by having her here vs. having LO in daycare- I'm doing it because I'm not ready for daycare (although I know he'd be fine).  What would you do if you were in my situation?  I'm tempted to take the passive route and just tell her that we've decided to put him in daycare.  On the other hand, I'd really like to be able to talk to her about my concerns but don't want to hurt her feelings/make her mad.  I almost feel like I work for her and not the other way around!  Please help (and I'm sorry that I rambled...).

SharonWantsABaby

Does she talk to her husband for a long time when she calls, or is it just to check in? Likewise, do the teenage sons stay a long time and really distract her from your DS?

If not, I would probably let those things go.

Maybe you could just talk to her about the videos. Just tell her something like, "I read an article that babies his age shouldn't be watching too much TV." You won't hurt her feelings. 

MrsGarrett929

She usually talks to her husband for 5 min or so each time they talk.  As for the sons coming over, it really depends.  Sometimes they'll stay for a few minutes but last week, they were here for over an hour (and one son even brought his fiance).  She's very good with DS so I know I should choose my battles wisely. 

Soap1

I wouldn't get after her on the phone thing... she is probably calling her husband to check in and get a couple minutes of "grown-up chat".  I know that when I'm home with DS all day alone, I call someone (DH, my mom, a friend) several times a day just for a minute or two of reprieve!

As far as her sons coming over, that would annoy me.  I know it is uncomfortable, but you're going to have to just straight up talk to her about it.  You're just going to have to say, "Hey, would you mind not inviting your sons over?  I know it isn't interfering with the way you care for DS, but it is distracting to me while I'm working."

Same thing goes for TV.

cmrand4

I would definitely fire her and say tell her why--but nicely. Just say that you just love your child so much  and it's so hard to leave LO to work. You are "hoping that  whoever worked with your child would be engaged with them during the day in songs, cuddling, simple games. and the like.'  Good luck, finding the just right care for your child is tricky.  IMO  it's the right people not necessarily the fact that it's daycare or in home care that make quality care. (My BF worked in a daycare in college and it changed my opinion of daycares-when I visited her at work I could tell that there were serious about making it a good experience for the babies and genuinely loved working with the little babies--you have to be choosy, but there are good ones out there). I'm not trying to talk you into daycare but it might be better than the disengaged old lady you have. 

margeincharge2

The most important thing I've learned with my nanny and nanny search is that communication is key. Every nanny I interviewed said their one pet peeve is when the parents don't say something when they do something that bothers them. I'm sure they run into that all the time.

That being said, I also agree with picking your battles. If you go with a daycare, there will be different complaints you'll have. I suggest you think about it and figure out what issues bother you most and talk to her about it.

FWIW, I know my nanny takes calls during the day. I don't mind as long as she's not neglecting DS. I'm sure she usually does it during nap time. Plus, DS can now amuse himself when playing.

blushingbrideoct07

I was a nanny to a mother who worked from home. ?I rarely was on the phone...not even to text. (My chocie... i just thought it was rude.)

I was also not allowed to sit the kids in front of the tv. ?They were allowed 1 hr of tv a day and that was the last hour of my shift. ?She set these guidelines from the very beginning. ?

In the end, its a job and if she wants to keep it she needs to make sure that her employer is happy. ?The only way for her to do this is for you to tell her what you expect from her each day. ?Its all about the approach. ?First ask her how she thinks its going. ?See what she says. ?Then tell her about your expectations. ?