major sitter advice needed!!!!

Brougham7-15-06

Starting back in  August, DS started going to a new sitter. But it is only on Tuesdays/Wednesdays/Thursdays...if I happen to be working those days.  Some weeks he will go 1-2 days a week....other times he won't go for weeks at a time. This erratic schedule will never change, as that is the nature of my schedule, and I would rather him either be home with us or with my Mom on Mon/Fri.  He did great when he started going there. and it is a great environment with many children.

 Starting in November he started screaming bloody murder when DH would drop him off in the AM, and would eventually calm after DH left, but totally not acting like himself.  Didn't want to be bothered by the other children (which is not like him) etc.  We attributed the behavior in the morning to him being tired and cranky because he wasn't sleeping well.

He went again yesterday morning, and I was hoping things would be different and it would be ok.  Well DH calls me and tells me that as soon as he pulled into the driveway and Jacob saw her house, he started screaming.  He continued to do this in the house and would not calm down...and unfortunately DH had to leave.  DS didn't eat much of his breakfast at all (which definately is NOT like him), and eventually went down for a nap at 8:30. 

I called the sitter about 9:30 and talked with her a bit and you could just tell she was frustrated and didn't know what to do.  She has never had a child scream like that before, and he doesn't act like this when anyone else watches him.  He does not have separation issues (at this point) nor stranger anxiety.  I thought that most kids who had separation issues would be upset no matter when the parent left and with anyone...but he doesn't do this with anyone else.  He is a very friendly child, and this behavior has me confused.  She said he was a totally different child after he woke up from his nap, but when a bunch of children came home from school he got upset again.

I don't know what to do. My first instinct yesterday when I talked to DH was that something had to happen at some point for him to start screaming when he sees the house.  The sitter assured me that nothing has happened, and I truly believe her....but what would cause him to behave this way?  I just feel like I can't keep sending him there in good conscious knowing he gets so upset when we take him there. I tried talking with our old sitter, but she can not comitt to it.

I would like to try to take him somewhere else for even one of the days next week to see if he behaves the same way...if he doesn't then we have our answer....but I don't know who I can send him to.

Suggestions? Advice? What would you do? I am really upset over this, and I don't want to traumatize him by taking him there because something is clearly upsetting him.   I am supposed to take him 2 times next week, so I need to figure something out.  Please help!!!!!

 

Hopeful2008

That's a tough one. I cried every single day as a child when I started kindergarten. Literally every single day that year. The teacher convinced my mom to continue bringing me...but I'm kind of a freak and if DS is upset and cries, I normally come to the rescue. In the night when he cries, I have to go in there. As for what is best for him, who knows...you could take him somewhere else and he may do the same thing. If I were you and he really gets that upset every time, I might look into other options. Knowing me, I wouldn't be able to get any work done with that on my mind. Sorry, good luck!

TheNerdyKatie

I am sorry you are going threw this! Poor little guy

Something has to be happening for him to act like that. Is he getting bullied by other kids? Do you think you could do a mothers day out with him since he isn't going all week?

iowagirl73

DS1 goes to an inhome day care 3 afternoons a week and started a month earlier then your child  and he has started wimpering as soon as I park the car but he calms down.  I've had the same thoughts (did something happen) but he is always fine when I come to get him plus I know that his crying only lasts for a couple of minutes.  Maybe your child is getting sensory overload or something or is just being extra sensitive lately? 

bieanca

I'm sorry this is going on. You have to trust your instinct. Is there a daycare facility that does drop ins? You could try a facility for a time or two. That might not be accurate judge though because it would be a new place and he might scream there too. Can you or DH go with him on a day that you are not gonna leave him and hang out at the sitter's place? He might just need some reassurance with you guys before you leave him again.

kawaiichan

I am more of a lurker and RARELY post, but I just had to reply to you.

This is my daughter, to a T. She goes to our sitter Monday to Thursday every week. DH does both drop off and pick up. She cries every.single.morning. If you say our sitters name while pulling in the drive, she starts to cry. Some mornings aren't as bad as others.

She also cries every.single.afternoon when he picks her up. In both cases she calms down instantly if he picks her up or he gets out of her sight. But, everytime the doorbell rings (neighbors, kids coming home from school), DD has a temporary freak out.

Last week was horrible. She had been home with us for 2 weeks for the holidays and she was beside herself at the sitter. Didn't eat much and lots of periods of crying. This week has been a drastic improvement but the pick up and drop off crying is still going on. She has been with this sitter since October.

Like you, when it's at it's worst I can't help but wonder if there is a deeper meaning to this. But after much analyzation and many tears on my part, I have concluded that this is just how my DD is. I hope she'll grow out of it but until then, we are trying to cope with it. Luckily my sitter is great and doesn't mind the freak outs when they do happen.

While I do think you need to trust your gut and if you feel like there is something amiss going on there, then you should pursue that, I would say that since your DC is not attending on a regular basis, he just is feeling insecure there. If your schedule is not going to change, then no matter where you place him (center, sitter, etc), this same thing will keep happening. You'll just have to learn a way to cope with it and try to not let it bother you too much.

PM me if you want to talk. I hear all these stories about how happy kiddies are at their daycares and it kills me. I wish it could be like that for us too.

kawaiichan

I just saw that I am local to you too