Extra activities / obligations outside of work

ENev

I work in PR/Marketing, and it's important to me for my future in my career to attend networking events, do things like volunteer to build my resume, etc.

Now that I'm a working mom, though, I don't want to do anything else because my evenings and weekends with my boy are so precious and go way too fast!

As a professional, how do you deal with this conundrum? 

Even on a social life level .... I don't want to make plans with people because it cuts into my time with my boy! 

Pesky

Honestly, I simply forego the activities.  The networking aspect is really important for getting another job but even though I'm semi-looking, I simply have chosen not to make that sacrifice of time at this point.  I realize it might be at some cost but am willing to bear that at this time.  I figure I can pick up the networking again in a year or so and honestly it's not going to have that much of a negative impact on my career.

jlw2505

I had a really hard time with doing anything social when my girls were really little.  My kids are 3 1/2 years and 22 months now and I'm starting to find it easier to go out and do things for me.  I try and time things so that I'm not totally missing time with them but its not always possible.  For example, if I have friends I want to see that also have kids, we try and meet at someone's house and we bring the kids and they play while we get to see each other.  We also meet for lunch so its during the kids naptime or later in the evening so I'm still home for dinner and at least part of the getting ready for bed part.  It works for us.  There are times though when we have the kids go to the ILs for an afternoon so we can do some social stuff.  I figure it all balances out and as they get older and stop napping or are awake longer at night, it will balance out even more.

embpsu-3

i havent even been back to work yet and am being faced with thesae already.  i think i will pick and choose which ones i go to.  i dont want to do anything though!

tosababy

I'm not sure if you can find events that start later in the evening, but that's an option.

That's also what I do with friends (and really did when tosatoddler was smaller and went to bed earlier).  If he's in bed by 7 (or even 8), you can meet up after that.  Also, a lot of my friends were good about coming to me, either after bed time or before bed time to see baby, then they'd hang out while I was putting him to bed. 

mysticporter

I have a kind of similar situation, in that I have 'voluntary' travel for work.  I don't technically have to go to all or any of the opportunities, but it will be noticed and disproved of if I don't go to any. Up until I got nixed for travel for pg related medical issues, I used to compromise...I decided how much I was willing to be away, and then prioritized the opportunities from there.

We don't have much of a social life of late, but that's mostly because we moved about a year ago and are having a hard time fitting in to our new town. 

shouldbworkin

I limit it to 2 nights a month and I try to either get home first to see my kids or get home early.  If you can swing it, I would use those networking activities as comp time and leave early/come in late another day (very helpful for Dr. appts).  When my kids were infants they often came with me if I went out with friends to dinner or something.  As long as I could still enjoy myself, they came along.  Once I couldn't, I left them at home with DH and had no problem witih it b/c by then, I usually needed a break.  And, I've always been open to leaving my kids at home with a GP on a Sat night after 7 pm.  I felt like I wasn't really missing much, espeically since I was with them all day. And, as long as they're with DH or a GP at home, I think it's ok for them to spend some time away from me.  I'm just sensitive to them spending too much time somewhere else since they are in daycare a lot.  My biggest problem with going out on a sat night was having the energy to do it!  LOL!  But, really, you have to find a good balance.  it's not healthy to put 100% of yourself into your DC.  You and your marriage need some attention, too. 

ENev

The doing-things-after-7 p.m. idea may work eventually - but right now with getting up at night to feed him, I am pooped and ready for bed by 9:30!!

We are going out to dinner this Saturday night for my birthday. My mom is coming to watch him for a few hours. 

erbear

It's a hard balance.

I get annoyed when I have to go to work things (open houses, etc.) on Saturdays, and I'm finding that, this year, I'm skipping things that I used to always attend (concerts, plays, games) to spend time with LO.

I refuse to feel guilty about it! She's not going to be young forever and she'll be able to come to these things with me soon enough, so in the mean time, my own kid wins out over my school kids. Nothing wrong with that!

Dani_0601

I thought I was the only one who altered my schedule so crazily for my child. I am constantly having to turn down offer's with friends or family & sometimes I feel like they look down on me for it. Like, "well, you can't let your kid run your life." But YES I CAN! Isn't that what having a baby is all about? Sometimes I feel bad that work events are sometimes scheduled around my baby's schedule & availability but I tell myself-that's the way it is now. And when I see my son or smell him, it's all worth it!

kyfirewife

I don't have to deal with this professionally, but I've definitely cut back on the volunteering that I do. I still want to be involved in the community, but like you said, my time with DD is just to precious. I'm away from her enough during the work-week.

BoxTer

I don't have any work-related obligations, but I am in Junior League and it's my first year so I have a lot of meetings. However, they are all at night when DD is close to bedtime, and the general meeting that happens once a month has two sessions and I just go to the one during my lunch hour because it's close by. It's definitely easier now since she's in bed by 7:15 p.m. DH and I try to do a date night several times a month and we just get the sitter to come right around 7 p.m. - makes for easy money for them and we're not really missing any time with her. Same goes for when I meet up with my girlfriends - it mostly happens later in the evening after she's asleep. I think it will be more challenging to get away when she's older and up later and involved in her own activities. I'll probably cut back on a lot of my obligations then because I don't want to miss a soccer game, play, or anything she does.

YellowBride

This is definitely tough and for a long time, I didn't do anything while my DH plays softball or whatever a lot. Then I realized that wasn't fair to me. So I've been making some plans of my own but like the other said, I try to either bring the baby at least or do things later when DD1 is going to bed anyway. I maybe have plans 2-3 times a month, I try to do lunch dates or weekend playdates/family hangouts if I can too.

shouldbworkin

ENev:

The doing-things-after-7 p.m. idea may work eventually - but right now with getting up at night to feed him, I am pooped and ready for bed by 9:30!!

We are going out to dinner this Saturday night for my birthday. My mom is coming to watch him for a few hours. 

Don't forget that this is a short phase.  It will get better in the months to come.  The 1st 3 mos back to work for me were rough both times and I didn't do much except work and take care of kids.  But, things will even out.

tosababy

Regarding going out to activities, hopefully you'll be less sleep deprived soon.

If it's just a friend coming over to catch up a little, they could come for a couple of hours and head out in time for you to get to bed. 

wheelenl

I also work in PR/marketing. I just quit going to them. I used to be really involved civically, esp in the young professionals scene. I had just finished a year-long program for young leaders sponsored by our chamber when I had DS; I've not been to ONE alumni program.

Facebook keeps me pretty well networked, and the job I have now, while only involving one audience, it does have a very large audience so I'm still making tons of connections. 

This is not meant as any sort of braggadocio but I had been more than two years out of that "scene" when I got an offer for another job out of the blue from a former coworker based on what they knew about me when I was "in" that scene. I know you're probably talking not just about networking to GET a job but also FOR the job you have now, but just saying sometimes it still works out.