MIL vs. Daycare

cicija1

I'm in a huge dilemma and need help! My aunt comes over ever day to watch DD and she has been doing this since I went back to work almost a year ago. She is going out of the country in April and we need to find another solution. I will go on maternity leave in August so we need to figure out something for DD from April to August. MIL is not working and lives 10 min. away from us but I do not feel comfortable for her to watch DD. I don't wanna go into too many details but she KNOWS EVERYTHING and doesn't think I should ever tell her how to take care of a child. She doesn't follow any of our rules and she almost never watches DD. DH thinks we should use her and the thought of that brings me to tears!! I don't know what to do and how to tell him I wanna put her in daycare rather have his mom watch her.

Temp552270562505132

if you cannot trust someone to take care of your child the way you want her taken care of- sorry- MIL doesn't get to watch your DD.

if DH isn't willing to stand up for you in regards to your MIL, well, you have a DH problem, not a MIL problem.

FALLingForChris

I would start asking around right now if I were you.  Once you get into that situation with your MIL, it's just never the same, IMO.

For DH, you could come at it from the perspective of her being around other children.  It could be really good for her.  I know it's a very touchy subject because your DH thinks you should do it.

Good luck with this. I know it can be really hard.  Just start looking ASAP.

carolinag

if it upsets you this much then i say no way. you need the peace of mind knowing your child is safe and sound, and being raised the way you want her to be raised - which means following your rules. if you're uncomfortable then you need to find another solution. i say start looking at daycares now. also try to be calm when you talk to your dh about this. it's his mom, so you don't want to offend him. maybe present it as a great time for your dd to get some socialization and time w/other kids, so that she'll be prepared for the new baby. 

Snowy_Owl

There is no dilemma about if MIl should watch DD - it's obviously not something you want AT ALL.

The real dilemma here is how to deal with DH.

This is a DH problem.

vernie

We had a very similar situation. I feel about the same about MIL watching DD, but she really wanted to and felt hurt. We compromised by having her watch DD one day a week and daycare the rest. It is a good balance for us. It saves on daycare cost, DD gets the structure at daycare and a closer relationship with grandma. I figured she couldn't do much damage one day a week.

Mrs. Rohde

I would take to DH about it asap and just explain to him very simply that you are not comfortable have MIL watch DD because she doesn't take your feelings/wants about raising YOUR child into consideration. I had the same problem with DH with our DD and I just sat him down and told him outright-I got a nanny and though it cost us a lot to have a caregiver-it was SO worth my peace of mind knowing that MIL was not stepping in. I know it's tough but the longer you wait the harder it'll be-MIL probably expects it already so do some good research, find a solid daycare you love and present it all to DH. Good Luck!!!