Total Meltdown Last Night (When have you known a post of mine NOT to be long?)

NastyAnnie

So, as some of you may remember, Bun has been absolutely against sexy time since BFP in early August. As pretty much the horniest girl on the block when I'm NOT pregnant, this has led to a lot of "me time" and a lot of resentment. I get that he isn't not having sex with me because of me, but because of some weird hang up of his own. Unfortunately, that doesn't really have any effect on the massive hormonal downswing that happens pretty much every time I try to get a little lovin' out of him... which I always do, even though I know what will happen. Stupid, right?

Anyway, Bun is not a super affectionate guy anyway, and this week I've felt super vulnerable. I've mentioned several times since NYE that I need more from him.. more affection, more attention, more time... and he's had it to give. He hasn't been working that much, we've been broke so we're staying home a lot, and I've given him plenty of space for things that he needs/wants to do. But he hasn't really upped the ante. Anyway, last night I finally basically force him to come get in bed with me (which pisses him off) and instead of fun, affectionate attention time (which is really all I want at this juncture) I have a total meltdown because he doesn't act like he wants to spend time with me.

Part of it was hormones, part of it was that I genuinely feel so ugly around him lately, and part of it was just so much frustration at having to tell him again and again what I need, and getting NOWHERE. I cried and cried, and I know it upset him, and he was walking on eggshells this morning before he went to work, but I just couldn't make myself stop. I even told him I was sorry I was even pregnant.. which is something I honestly haven't felt hardcore since 1st tri. It sucked so much.

ourlove4ever

I am sorry, I hope your day gets better.

bb80

i'm sorry

is Bun scared of hurting the baby?

NastyAnnie

bb80:

i'm sorry

is Bun scared of hurting the baby?

No, it's more of a "your body is our baby's home, not a sexual playground" type thing I think. He knows better than to think he might hurt Jack... it's more a mental block of his own that he sees me as JUST an oven right now, and not his super hawt girlfriend.

Of course, my recent accumulation of stretch marks probably isn't helping that issue. Lol

HoleyStory

Hugs!!!

I know it's hard for any woman(never mind a pregnant one) to feel unloved especially in the bedroom area. Damn hormones!!!

sleepingbeauty825

NastyAnnie:

Part of it was hormones, part of it was that I genuinely feel so ugly around him lately, and part of it was just so much frustration at having to tell him again and again what I need, and getting NOWHERE.

I know exactly how you feel. I feel huge and disgusting and I've told Brian over and over and over again that I NEED him to at least act like he's attracted to me, instead of treating me like his best friend. It gets me nowhere, and I'm stuck feeling gross, insecure and unattractive. I don't know how to help you, but you're certainly not alone!

NastyAnnie

ourlove4ever:

I am sorry, I hope your day gets better.

Thanks, I think it will. I am just super sick of feeling like a crazy lady. You know?

americanada

awwww...i have a sad face right now for you.  ((((hugs))))).  if he will absolutely not change his mind, are there other things you could do together, physically?  is it just intercourse he's having a hangup with or all sexual contact?  how would you feel about him just being there during 'you time'? i'm sorry you're so upset.  we don't have very much time left to go, but i hope you can find something to make you both happy in the interim.  doesn't he have needs? i wonder if this is that time right before when some guys get a little too much in their own head with all the new responsibilities to come. hang in there, you'll get to be "nasty'annie again real soon!

Quinnsaras

Sorry to hear you had such a crummy night! I hope today is better for you! Hang in there!

bb80

awww boooooo Bun

p.s. you're still super hot

Mrslisvenn

HUGS to you!! 

shimmerairbrush

So sorry...i know that this sucks. DH & I have had sexy time ONCE since bfp and I basically had to force him. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it really does get me down. I know it has nothing to do with our realtionship...we never really did it like rabbits anyway!! He's just creeped out by the whole pregnancy thing. WUSS. The whole internet chick debacle I went through with him a couple months ago didn't help matters. I am just holding out hope that 6 weeks pp things will start to get back to normal...GL to you...and enjoy your "me" time! I do! LOL!

NastyAnnie

SB: I have always loved that Bun and I were BFFs, but this whole "JUST BFFs" thing is KILLING ME! I hate it! I want to be hot again!

Americanada: You are so sweet. *Hugs* I think the problem is that most of his affection/attention prior to me getting pregnant WAS intercourse... he is just not a really affectionate guy. So, us transitioning into a place where he is giving me affection but we aren't doin' it has been really tough. And, as far as "his needs" go.. I'm sure he has "me time" in the shower or whatever... but Bun has the lowest sex drive of any human male I've ever met. Seriously. I have never seen or heard of him masturbating, and I know for a fact that for almost a decade prior to us getting together, he hadn't had sex with anyone, at all. I am just so glad that in 16 weeks or less we will be able to do it again and I will hopefully not feel like such a freakin' blob.

americanada

well, honestly honey, i cannot understand how he could resist that rack of yours

NastyAnnie

Thanks girls. I am super glad I have you guys to vent to, because the only friend IRL that I have who has ever been pregnant, her baby's dad was SUPER turned on by her pregnant status. She was like, "What, Bun isn't??" *headdesk*

Hugs for all of you who are so super understanding and sweet.

And bb, you aren't so bad yourself.

NastyAnnie

americanada:

well, honestly honey, i cannot understand how he could resist that rack of yours

Lmao! Ain't it just my luck, I am blessed with T&A out the wazzoo, and the guy I fall in love with is a LEG MAN!

I'm 5'2"! The gods laugh at me.

anabell0920

I have told you what I think. Jump him in the middle of the night. Or smack him! That's what I would do if dh was being like that.

NastyAnnie

anabell0920:

I have told you what I think. Jump him in the middle of the night. Or smack him! That's what I would do if dh was being like that.

Lmao, Ana, I told Bun the other night he was going to wake up with me on top of him "finishing up". He was like, "Gee, I didn't realize rape was such a turn on for you. I guess as long as you don't make too much noise it wouldn't be too bad." *headdesk*

anabell0920

NastyAnnie:

anabell0920:

I have told you what I think. Jump him in the middle of the night. Or smack him! That's what I would do if dh was being like that.

Lmao, Ana, I told Bun the other night he was going to wake up with me on top of him "finishing up". He was like, "Gee, I didn't realize rape was such a turn on for you. I guess as long as you don't make too much noise it wouldn't be too bad." *headdesk*

Sounds like you can jump on him THEN slap him then!!! 

BFab11

NastyAnnie:

bb80:

i'm sorry

is Bun scared of hurting the baby?

No, it's more of a "your body is our baby's home, not a sexual playground" type thing I think. He knows better than to think he might hurt Jack... it's more a mental block of his own that he sees me as JUST an oven right now, and not his super hawt girlfriend.

Of course, my recent accumulation of stretch marks probably isn't helping that issue. Lol

Are you going to BF? Because this might continue into "your body is for feeding the baby, not for sexy time" after LO gets here.

Honestly, I'd go see a therapist about it, a professional who can help the two of you work through your issues, and hopefully help him appreciate your babymaking abilities while finding you sexy at the same time.  

Do you think Bun would be willing to go with you?  It's obviously really affecting you, and it might really help.  GL! 

mrs_sisco

NastyAnnie:

anabell0920:

I have told you what I think. Jump him in the middle of the night. Or smack him! That's what I would do if dh was being like that.

Lmao, Ana, I told Bun the other night he was going to wake up with me on top of him "finishing up". He was like, "Gee, I didn't realize rape was such a turn on for you. I guess as long as you don't make too much noise it wouldn't be too bad." *headdesk*

hahahaha....he has issues...

soko987

Anne, I don't know what to say to make you feel better...so here's a Star Wars LOL cat:

NastyAnnie

BFab11:

Are you going to BF? Because this might continue into "your body is for feeding the baby, not for sexy time" after LO gets here.

Honestly, I'd go see a therapist about it, a professional who can help the two of you work through your issues, and hopefully help him appreciate your babymaking abilities while finding you sexy at the same time.  

Do you think Bun would be willing to go with you?  It's obviously really affecting you, and it might really help.  GL! 

Because of medication I have to take for GAD and MDD, I will be unable to breastfeed. Unfortunately, I do think it would have been an issue, because he was hesitant to the idea of my breastfeeding anyway. He said it was because he wanted to take part in the nourishment ritual, but I suspect there was a part of him that didn't want my boobs to be bottles.

I attend therapy for other reasons, and have discussed this issue with my therapist. She said that it's pretty natural for men, especially men who did not plan to have children (the Hitchhiker was our happy result of equipment failure, for those who don't know), to be confused and insecure about sex with a pregnant woman. It's not that he isn't attracted to me, he just isn't seeing me in the same way he did before, and that takes time and a lot of energy to overcome.

Otherwise... no, Bun would not attend therapy, unless I told him it was therapy or I was leaving. I wouldn't make those sorts of threats idly, and this isn't something I would leave him over, so I will be going to therapy alone, as always.

NastyAnnie

mrs_sisco:

NastyAnnie:

anabell0920:

I have told you what I think. Jump him in the middle of the night. Or smack him! That's what I would do if dh was being like that.

Lmao, Ana, I told Bun the other night he was going to wake up with me on top of him "finishing up". He was like, "Gee, I didn't realize rape was such a turn on for you. I guess as long as you don't make too much noise it wouldn't be too bad." *headdesk*

hahahaha....he has issues...

Lol, Just FYI, that was 100% a joke. Bun is crass, but he's not heartless.

BFab11

Hmmm... maybe get some lingerie or something?  If you can have "baby maker" and "sexy lady" separate, it might help things.  You probably have already tried that, but maybe ask him if there's something you can do to keep those two things separate...

Hopefully, if anything, you two go back to normal after LO gets here. 

NastyAnnie

BFab11:

Hmmm... maybe get some lingerie or something?  If you can have "baby maker" and "sexy lady" separate, it might help things.  You probably have already tried that, but maybe ask him if there's something you can do to keep those two things separate...

Hopefully, if anything, you two go back to normal after LO gets here. 

I'm thinking this may be my best hope. But thanks for your support B! Btw, how've you been doing? I remember you from 2nd tri, but I hadn't seen you post much lately. Are you generally a daytime poster?

lesalia217

Awww  ((((HUGS)))) for you Annie!!!!   Silly silly bun.  I have no advice, just hugs and a shoulder for the emotional breakdowns   

NastyAnnie

lesalia217:

Awww  ((((HUGS)))) for you Annie!!!!   Silly silly bun.  I have no advice, just hugs and a shoulder for the emotional breakdowns   

*Hugs* Thanks sweetie! That's all I really needed anyway.

LuvMyBostons

Welcome to MH and my old perpetual fight/life. Honestly I would break down because he was just so not affectionate and still isn't a super affectionate guy, but he has changed. I don't know if it was on his own accord or because we honestly fought about that 99% of the time. And my only advice is to just continue being your awesome self (wish I had had your self esteem!!) and devote all your time when LO is here and hopefully he'll see the light. It took MH a few good years and both of us growing up to see a change in his behavior. Good luck!! P.S. I honestly thought MH had the lowest sex drive too, he's just not your typical raging hormone!

Hip2Bsquare

I am sorry to hear about this Annie but believe me I don't think too many women out there that are happy with their looks at this point in their pregnancy. Even if I thought I was cute, I can't move like I want and I still feel out my element and it's very frustrating and exhausting. I really hope the rest of our times go fast because I think I might have a break down too soon LOL. I still truly believe everything will change with you and BUN after the LO is born....not too much longer now! GL

BFab11

NastyAnnie:

BFab11:

Hmmm... maybe get some lingerie or something?  If you can have "baby maker" and "sexy lady" separate, it might help things.  You probably have already tried that, but maybe ask him if there's something you can do to keep those two things separate...

Hopefully, if anything, you two go back to normal after LO gets here. 

I'm thinking this may be my best hope. But thanks for your support B! Btw, how've you been doing? I remember you from 2nd tri, but I hadn't seen you post much lately. Are you generally a daytime poster?

Well I'm off bed rest and back to school, so I haven't been on as much lately.  I'll get on for a while in the day, then for a little bit at night before I go to bed.  

I'm doing well, I was on bed rest because of a subchorionic bleed that is now almost gone (down to a tiny little sliver), so I'm able to do more and more activity.  

I lurk on 3rd tri quite often, because 2nd tri is slow a LOT for some reason, lol. 

luckyu522001

I honestly never felt sexier since I've been pregnant. I've never been a womanly woman. Not like I didn't try, I just felt like a tomboy. Since I've been pregnant I've really grown into my body. I guess it's the girliest thing I can do, right?! LOL Though, I have to agree, I do NOT always feel sexy. I have those "OMG! How could anyone want to be with a giant fatty like me? I'm so...gross!". But then I remember JUST how amazing I am. Yeah, it's kind of conceded but it makes me feel better.

On the rape comment, you should have told him how hot it made you when you punch him in the d*ck! What an ass! LOL

sapgirl76

Dan Savage addressed this a few years ago in his Savage Love column.  I'm not sure I agree with his advice, but it's a different perspective on things.  Here's the original letter:

 Savage Love - Columns - Savage Love - Dan Savage - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper

and the readers lash out:

 Savage Love - Columns - Savage Love - Dan Savage - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper

 I'm sorry Bun's being a butt head.