Second showers

robinsokj

There is no set rule about this.  If people offer to throw someone a second shower, why should all you out there who are so against it care?  Let people have their fun.

EastCoastBride

I go both ways on this topic, and a lot of times it depends on the motivation.

If someone wants to throw a small sprinkle and keeps it to truly the closest family and friends of the mom - eh, whatever.  most of them are probably excited and would love to take part.

But when I see big showers being thrown, I start to veer down the path of 'tacky'.  It shouldn't be put on your friends and family to keep supplying you w/ every last baby thing you could possibly want for every baby you have. 

On the note of "all babies should be celebrated", yes, I agree.  But the celebration doesn't have to be a gift giving event.  A baby can be celebrated w/ a "meet the baby party" once the baby is actually here, and where the focus isn't on gifts! 

Plus, the reality is - people are going to buy you gifts anyhow.  Rare is the new baby visit that I go on that I don't take a small gift w/ me. 

Which is really what it boils down to for me- showers are about GIFTS.  I dont' care how people spin it, but that is the name. "Shower the mom to be w/ gifts".  Maybe some of this is semantics, but if it's really supposed to be about the BABY, then don't have a shower.   I think a point should be reached where you stop asking family and friends to buy you stuff!

I just feel a certain degree of caution should be taken when deciding to have a 2nd shower, and when deciding who to invite. 

robinsokj

I get your point, but think its tacky if the mother is the one throwing it or asks someone to throw it.  But, if someone else offers and is in charge I think the mother should be allowed to enjoy herself.

EastCoastBride

robinsokj:

I get your point, but think its tacky if the mother is the one throwing it or asks someone to throw it.  But, if someone else offers and is in charge I think the mother should be allowed to enjoy herself.

If someone offered to throw a 2nd shower for me, I would expect (as they did for my 1st shower) that they would ask me for a guest list.  And as such, I would make it VERY VERY VERY small. 

 

ocho2002

If someone offered to throw me a second shower, I would politely decline.

robinsokj

ocho2002:

If someone offered to throw me a second shower, I would politely decline.

Thats your choice...but that doesnt mean that everyone else has to as well

ocho2002

I didn't say they did.

robinsokj

ocho2002:

I didn't say they did.

Some people get so high and mighty about this subject, its difficult to remember who they are.  Didnt mean to lump you into that category

scubaspot

Until the bump I had never heard of multiple showers being tacky and I still don't see what the big deal is.

If the person is giving birth once a year then I get how it could be tacky but other wise let people have their fun.

I personally will not have a second shower but that is only because I hate having people fuss over me and ask me about my vagina and bowel movements. The less opportunities they have to ask inappropriate questions the happier I am. I also politely refused a wedding shower. These are my preferences but by no means do I expect everyone to be like me.

Some "rules" I understand, like sending out Thank you notes, but some rules sound like they were created by snobby women with too much time on their hands who just wanted more reasons to feel superior to other people.

robinsokj

scubaspot:

Until the bump I had never heard of multiple showers being tacky and I still don't see what the big deal is.

If the person is giving birth once a year then I get how it could be tacky but other wise let people have their fun.

I personally will not have a second shower but that is only because I hate having people fuss over me and ask me about my vagina and bowel movements. The less opportunities they have to ask inappropriate questions the happier I am. I also politely refused a wedding shower. These are my preferences but by no means do I expect everyone to be like me.

Some "rules" I understand, like sending out Thank you notes, but some rules sound like they were created by snobby women with too much time on their hands who just wanted more reasons to feel superior to other people.

My thoughts exactly

 

RoxyLynn

Yes, it's an etiquette rule.  You clearly hate it and choose not to follow it, but that doesn't mean it's not a rule.

lisa5201

I think it totally depends on your social set, and the formality of the affair. 

 I threw a sprinkle for my best girlfriend for her second baby. We had about 15 people (close relatives and close  friends), pot-luck buffet lunch, and wine at her MIL's by the pool. It was a casual and fun girl's afternoon. We played games and had a great time. 

Everyone who was invited came, and the guest list was strictly close friends and family members. The people that were there were people that would have given a gift, party or not, so it was just nice to have everyone together. 

Second showers can be done tastefully, In my opinion at least

 

jenfurleigh

robinsokj:

scubaspot:

Until the bump I had never heard of multiple showers being tacky and I still don't see what the big deal is.

If the person is giving birth once a year then I get how it could be tacky but other wise let people have their fun.

I personally will not have a second shower but that is only because I hate having people fuss over me and ask me about my vagina and bowel movements. The less opportunities they have to ask inappropriate questions the happier I am. I also politely refused a wedding shower. These are my preferences but by no means do I expect everyone to be like me.

Some "rules" I understand, like sending out Thank you notes, but some rules sound like they were created by snobby women with too much time on their hands who just wanted more reasons to feel superior to other people.

My thoughts exactly

 

You mean like people who have may or may not have kids and are not currently pregnant and still hang out on the baby shower board just to tell people they should not have more than one shower?? 

SusanluvCharles

jenfurleigh:

robinsokj:

scubaspot:

Until the bump I had never heard of multiple showers being tacky and I still don't see what the big deal is.

If the person is giving birth once a year then I get how it could be tacky but other wise let people have their fun.

I personally will not have a second shower but that is only because I hate having people fuss over me and ask me about my vagina and bowel movements. The less opportunities they have to ask inappropriate questions the happier I am. I also politely refused a wedding shower. These are my preferences but by no means do I expect everyone to be like me.

Some "rules" I understand, like sending out Thank you notes, but some rules sound like they were created by snobby women with too much time on their hands who just wanted more reasons to feel superior to other people.

My thoughts exactly

 

You mean like people who have may or may not have kids and are not currently pregnant and still hang out on the baby shower board just to tell people they should not have more than one shower?? 

LOL!

hopefulmom

I would politely decline.  I don't care if other's have second showers...just don't invite me.  I ALWAYS get a gift for the baby AFTER it is born so I won't go to a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. child.

I had 3 showers for my first baby, none with my 2nd, and then 17 years later my friend gave me a "surprise" shower for my 3rd.  I was soooooo embarrassed.  I had moved so almost everyone there were not invited to my first shower...but my mom, sister and SIL's came (and they were at my first).  I'm sure they were thinking..."what the heck!?"  It is just NOT done in our family and no one ever heard of a "surprise" shower.  I don't even know how she got addresses of my relatives except my oldest DD (who was 18 at the time and didn't know any better I suppose).  I thought I was going to a Tupperware party!

mrstarawalsh

I had never heard of this rule until coming to the bump. I've known several women who have had full blown baby showers for their second child and see 0 problem with it as long as they're not the ones planning it. My mom even had showers for her 5th and 6th children (surprises planned by friends of hers)! I feel that every pregnancy should be celebrated as it's a beautiful thing. So many of the games lavish attention and excitement on the new baby and the pregnant mother. All the showers I've been to gifts have ALWAYS taken a backseat to the company and celebrating the arrival of the new baby.

 

Personally I don't like to be the center of attention and felt very uncomfortable at the showers for my first child (even though they were fun!). I'm planning a "Welcome Baby BBQ" for this baby even though several women I know have asked to throw me a shower.

mrsgrenat

I 100% agree. I hate reading these snobby replies about what the "rules" are. Ugh. Get over yourselves already. I LOVE going to showers and if someone wants to throw me a shower for my baby girl I'm all for it too. I don't get the looking down their noses at second showers notion. Where do you people live?!

CiaoGirl

Someone is throwing me a second shower.  I have to say I've been sick to my stomach upset about it since it came up.  I felt like I made my choice clear and that no one has wanted to listen to me when I've point blank refused.  I feel uncomfortable being the center of attention and it isn't like I'm having a boy after a girl - I'm having another girl and only 2.5 years since my first shower - all the same people invited!    I want to feel excited but I feel super stressed.  I've always felt 2nd showers were tacky unless the circumstances were unique (long periods between babies, multiples after singleton, etc.).  If people want to give a gift, I'm not shy telling people what I need or don't need.  But a party feels like too much - a small girls get together or a welcome home baby bbq sounds good though.

mrsgrenat

Maybe you should tell them thanks but no thanks and let them know why. Or let them know a small girls gettogether is all you want. I love ATTENDING showers but I'm like you, I hate the all eyes on me while opening gifts. I threw my sister's shower for her third child (she never had one for the first two) and used a game to ease the attention off of her. I did a Jack & Jill shower so she could have hubby with her (he was okay with it otherwise I wouldn't have) and we did a bingo game during gift opening. You give out blank bingo cards and the guests fill them in when they first arrive with the gifts they think she'll get. We did doorprizes for the winners (we had a few different games going on) and it went really well.

3boys=done

Like most people, I had a baby shower (actually 3) for my first son. For my second son, my neighbor threw one for me, but admittedly it did make me feel a little weird but only because my grandmother gave ME such a hard time about it. I personally had never really thought about it in a negative or positive sense. Now, I'm pregnant with my third son and my SIL insist on throwing me a shower. She's SUPER excited, as she was not yet involved with the our family for my first 2 sons pregnancies. I'm on the bandwagon with those who say "every pregnancy/baby should be celebrated"...cause really, why not?  I have never arranged or even hinted at wanting a shower but most people want to, I believe. It wouldn't phase me one bit to attend a shower for someone with multiple children...things get worn out, stained, outdated, etc. Is it the "fault" of the baby to be the second or third in line? I think not. In addition, I would think those additional kids would wonder why they weren't "special" enough to have a party thrown in their honor.

PLUS, for those of you who are so opposed to attending a subsequent baby's shower, yet you say you would most certainly give the baby a present, what is your trip?! That doesn't even make sense!!!

Anyhoo, that's just my take on it.

 

iraabel

RoxyLynn:

Yes, it's an etiquette rule.  You clearly hate it and choose not to follow it, but that doesn't mean it's not a rule.

 A rule written by whom?   And when was this rule written?  Just curious.