Night nurses. Thoughts?

samanthony

So, my BIL and sister were over yesterday,my sister is currently pregnant with their first child. My BIL brought up night nurses and how all his friends say that it's needed... My sister was pretty strong about not wanting one. What are your thoughts? I am pretty against it... Unless you have a ridiculously fussy baby that never sleeps ,I think it's a bit much. My sister will be a SAHM by the way..

kevschickee2

IMO its for lazy parents.  You have a baby and part of that is less sleep.  Plus she is going to be a sahm so its not like she has to get up and work the next day

pincushions

Dumb unless you really need it.

If my infant had colic I would consider a night nurse or if this was my second child and I wasn't nursing maybe.

patty78

If i would have had the extra money sure why not.  Those first few months were so horrible sleep wise and I am a SAHM too.   I will say though that I really need my sleep and don't deal well without it. 

Kapalua

my initial reaction would be that it's lame.  But, I haven't slept for 5 months so right now it sounds like heaven on earth.  I guess if you're not nursing and you have the $$ to spend-then whatever you want to do is fine with me!

Andrewsgal

I might be the odd man out, but I say if you can afford it go for it!

To me there is very little difference between a night nurse for an infant and MDO-Preschool for kids of moms who SAH. A break is a break, and often makes me a better mom.

 

 

DandR

Personally I would not want one, I like to have control and know what's going on...but like everything, some people may want it and can afford it, go for it.

There were nights where if I didn't get sleep I was going to turn crazy, but DH stepped up to the plate for those nights.  I think if I didn't have a supportive DH, or had a DH who traveled a lot or something, I may have considered it...just for a night here or there...but still I don't think I could have slept well with a stranger in my house caring for my baby.

 

 

minnasmommy

patty78:

If i would have had the extra money sure why not.  Those first few months were so horrible sleep wise and I am a SAHM too.   I will say though that I really need my sleep and don't deal well without it. 

This! 

Rebekah1021

Pointless for me unless there is a medical reason to have someone there.

ETA: I did have lazy as my first response, but realized after reading the responses that it isn't really about laziness. I guess for me, there is no one better than me I would want to take care of DD and it's more of a control thing. Now that I think about it, I hardly let DH do anything when DD was a baby.

Andrewsgal

Oh and not to bring up the old SAH vs WM debate but Kevs that comment was just kind of silly to me. I SAH and get a break only if I am very lucky. At least at work I got an hour of planning and a 30 mintue lunch a day somedays that is a lot more alone time than i get at home.

penguingrrl

I think it could be very useful if you have the money and are formula feeding.  If you're nursing I think it would be a waste since you have to wake up anyway.  I wouldn't want it because I'd feel weird about having a stranger in my house during such an intimate family time, but I could see how it could be useful, especially if she's unsure about all aspects of caring for a baby.  That said, nobody should be in the house if Mommy doesn't want them there!

DevonPow

We had one and I REALLY resent those PPs who call it lazy. Why? We could afford it,  DH works insane hours, got one day off after I had DS, andn was away on business trips. Our night nurse came over the course of a month (not every night) would come at 9:30 PM, take all night wakings, did the baby laundry and cleaned the kitchen for us. At 6:30 AM she would bring DS to me and leave, We got her through a fabulous agency, and she worked as a pediatric nurse - was very qualified.

I thought it was fabulous. I needed the sleep and I got it. We could afford it, why not.

Rose.9.6.03

We actually hired a night nurse for the times that DH was travelling on business when the girls were little.  It was freaking heaven - I started wishing DH would go away on business more often. 

 Seriously, though, I don't think it's something that's *needed.*  But I don't begrudge those that choose to have them to make their lives a little easier, particularly if it's infrequently. 

 

DandR

Andrewsgal:

Oh and not to bring up the old SAH vs WM debate but Kevs that comment was just kind of silly to me. I SAH and get a break only if I am very lucky. At least at work I got an hour of planning and a 30 mintue lunch a day somedays that is a lot more alone time than i get at home.

100% agree with this...

And I don't get why people "hate" on people who can afford luxeries like a night nurse....i mean, no one flames a person for having a house keeper...but doesn't that make them "lazy housekeepers"...they shouldn't have bought a house if they weren't ready to clean it.

DevonPow

Oh, and when we have #2 you bet your butt we are doing it again.

RCH151

I would think it would be a waste if you are nursing.

 I guess they would make life a lot easier if you are a formula feeder though so why not.

Rose.9.6.03

DandR:

Andrewsgal:

Oh and not to bring up the old SAH vs WM debate but Kevs that comment was just kind of silly to me. I SAH and get a break only if I am very lucky. At least at work I got an hour of planning and a 30 mintue lunch a day somedays that is a lot more alone time than i get at home.

100% agree with this...

And I don't get why people "hate" on people who can afford luxeries like a night nurse....i mean, no one flames a person for having a house keeper...but doesn't that make them "lazy housekeepers"...they shouldn't have bought a house if they weren't ready to clean it.

 

I've actually seen flames for people who hire cleaning services.   We have a cleaning service and we used a night nurse, so we are extra lazy. 

wellfleet04

Why is it lazy?  If you can afford it and are formula feeding, I say go for it!  Motherhood does not mean you have to be a martyr.  I personally wouldn't/couldn't use one because I BF and hate pumping, so I had to get up anyway, but if I FF?  You can bet I would consider it!  Then again, I am a lazy SAHM who sends my toddler to school 2 mornings a week, has a cleaning person, AND a dog walker.  :-P

kevschickee2

Andrewsgal:

Oh and not to bring up the old SAH vs WM debate but Kevs that comment was just kind of silly to me. I SAH and get a break only if I am very lucky. At least at work I got an hour of planning and a 30 mintue lunch a day somedays that is a lot more alone time than i get at home.

I was a sahm also for a long time and I still think it is being lazy.  Sorry but I do. 

penguingrrl

Oh and I would think SAH vs WOH is irrelevant in this case since most people I've heard of who used night nurses only did so in the first week or so, when most WOHMs have not yet returned to their job. 

juniper19

Even if you BF it can be useful because some babies are difficult to put back to sleep.

But I don't think it is lazy at all.  It is only in modern society that a father and mother are expected to care for a baby (often without having ever held one) all by themselves.  We evolved for communal living, often sharing living spaces with multiple generations with a lot of people pitching in and with first-time parents having helped raised siblings, cousins, etc before having their own children.  So the reality is that it isn't natural to have that burden rest exclusively on the shoulders of just 2 people who may have never had meaningful contact with children in their adult lives.

kevschickee2

PMQ:

kevschickee2:

Andrewsgal:

Oh and not to bring up the old SAH vs WM debate but Kevs that comment was just kind of silly to me. I SAH and get a break only if I am very lucky. At least at work I got an hour of planning and a 30 mintue lunch a day somedays that is a lot more alone time than i get at home.

I was a sahm also for a long time and I still think it is being lazy.  Sorry but I do. 

So you never used a babysitter, MDO or preschool? Your kids were with you 24/7? Did your DH travel at all? Did he help out at night?

Is it possible that you think it's lazy for your particular situation but it may not be for others? Or are you really just makng a blanket statement that night nurses are only for lazy people, period?

When they were babies DH and I would go out once a month for a couple of hours and my mother or my mother in law would watch them.  They don't go to MDO or preschool but I do work now and they go to daycare.  I can see if there are med issues with either the mom or baby then you would need one but if you are able to get up then yes I think it is being lazy.

shouldbworkin

I don't think it's necessary at all and I had a c-sec 2x.  DH and I worked things out so that each of us got a good chunk of sleep.  I'd really only consider one if I was having twins or more. 

EliseB0323

I don't think it's "needed," but it sure would have been nice for the first couple of months. Even SAHMs need to sleep.

DevonPow

juniper19:

Even if you BF it can be useful because some babies are difficult to put back to sleep.

But I don't think it is lazy at all.  It is only in modern society that a father and mother are expected to care for a baby (often without having ever held one) all by themselves.  We evolved for communal living, often sharing living spaces with multiple generations with a lot of people pitching in and with first-time parents having helped raised siblings, cousins, etc before having their own children.  So the reality is that it isn't natural to have that burden rest exclusively on the shoulders of just 2 people who may have never had meaningful contact with children in their adult lives.

My OB is always giving me, and his other patients, this talk. The way we raise kids these days with only 2 adults in the household is completely different than even a few generations ago. I was going to type it all out but I was too irritated (and you said it more eloquently than I would have, anyway)

MrsStubbs

I would not trust my baby with anyone else at night other than my mother or sisters. Wouldn't they be just as tired being up all night?

isabella22

I don't think I could ever have one, but all the power to people want one.  I loved bonding with DD during the night.  She was an awful sleeper for the entire first year (3 months of which I SAH and the rest I was working).  Often times I was a zombie at work or just sat and snuggled with her at home, but I wouldn't trade the middle of the night rocking for anything, including a free night nurse.

Those nights end and you can't get them back   They grow up way to fast...

pincushions

I don't think it is lazy either.

I just think for a newborn probably not something I would be comfortable with especially since I had my mother to take of some slack during the day.

I guess for my being a first time mom I was in la la land. Now if someone wanted offer up a night nurse when my kids hit 3 months and they were really difficult and I got no sleep... I would have jumped on it.

Andrewsgal

kevschickee2:

IMO its for lazy parents.  You have a baby and part of that is less sleep.  Plus she is going to be a sahm so its not like she has to get up and work the next day

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is lazy? Is it lazy when the dad gets up? I am curious do you think it is lazy that my DS will start MDO one day a week starting Friday. I really just don't understand the whole lazy comment.

wellfleet04

The lazy argument is totally lame.  Is it always "lazy" to outsource things you could do yourself?  Cleaning?  Cooking (getting take out is LAZY, lazy, I tell you!  You are a SAHM, you should be cooking every meal!)?  Taking the trash to the dump instead of getting curbside pick up?  OF COURSE NOT. Seriously, if you can afford it, and your want it, why NOT?!  And I totally agree that in this scenario SAHM vs. WOHM makes NO difference because it's usually in the first few months/weeks and both would be home.

The OP's sister seemed to not want one, and if that is her preference that should be her choice, not her DH's, especially if she is BFing and the one getting up anyway. 

kevschickee2

Andrewsgal:

kevschickee2:

IMO its for lazy parents.  You have a baby and part of that is less sleep.  Plus she is going to be a sahm so its not like she has to get up and work the next day

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is lazy? Is it lazy when the dad gets up? I am curious do you think it is lazy that my DS will start MDO one day a week starting Friday. I really just don't understand the whole lazy comment.

The dad getting up with the baby is totally different then paying a night nurse to get up with your baby.  The dad is a parent too.  Sending your child to MDO is different also I see that as socialization for the child IMO you can't compare the 2.  I know I am not the only one in this post that said it was lazy.  People will never be able to change my opinion and I will never be able to change theirs.  

Andrewsgal

kevschickee2:

Andrewsgal:

kevschickee2:

IMO its for lazy parents.  You have a baby and part of that is less sleep.  Plus she is going to be a sahm so its not like she has to get up and work the next day

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is lazy? Is it lazy when the dad gets up? I am curious do you think it is lazy that my DS will start MDO one day a week starting Friday. I really just don't understand the whole lazy comment.

The dad getting up with the baby is totally different then paying a night nurse to get up with your baby.  The dad is a parent too.  Sending your child to MDO is different also I see that as socialization for the child IMO you can't compare the 2.  I know I am not the only one in this post that said it was lazy.  People will never be able to change my opinion and I will never be able to change theirs.  

I know you are not the only one to say it is lazy so if someone else wants to clarify then I am open to it. I just don't get how it is lazy. My DS is getting very little socialization from MDO but I still don't consider it lazy parenting. So how is paying someone else to care for your child at night lazy? You still do all the day to day and main care of the child.

wellfleet04

Kevs, we all pay people to do things we don't want to do.  You pay people to make bread you buy in the store instead of making it yourself.  It doesn't make you lazy, it just means you decide how to allocate your resources and which things you want to pay for vs. doing it yourself.  There's no law that says motherhood MUST entail sleepless nights and total martyrdom.  It's not like moms who use night nurses are trying to outsource being parents.   They are just trying to get some freaking sleep.

kevschickee2

We will have to agree to disagree wellfleet. 

DevonPow

eh, some people think having a cleaning person is lazy. Some think having a nanny or using MDO is lazy. I know some people who think that if you are overweight you are lazy. All that it means is that people are judgemental of others.

gracendantho26

At one time I may have thought it was lazy but I've gotten more flexible (for lack of a better word) about that kind of stuff in my older age. As long as you are present for your child the majority of the time and you are loving and caring with your baby I say have at it. Maybe I would have been less of a beeyotch years back if I had a little more sleep. LOL But then again there are so many things looking back that I would do differently even if they seemed lazy to other people. I really admire moms who delegate well and don't insist on doing (and getting the credit for) everything themselves.

Zenya

It's kind of odd to me.  But I just want my babies with me all the time in the early days.  I can't imagine trusting anyone else with them at night.  I freaking hated when they took her at the hospital every now and then.  Just give me my baby and leave me alone.

Andrewsgal

PMQ:

kevschickee2:

Andrewsgal:

kevschickee2:

IMO its for lazy parents.  You have a baby and part of that is less sleep.  Plus she is going to be a sahm so its not like she has to get up and work the next day

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is lazy? Is it lazy when the dad gets up? I am curious do you think it is lazy that my DS will start MDO one day a week starting Friday. I really just don't understand the whole lazy comment.

The dad getting up with the baby is totally different then paying a night nurse to get up with your baby.  The dad is a parent too.  Sending your child to MDO is different also I see that as socialization for the child IMO you can't compare the 2.  I know I am not the only one in this post that said it was lazy.  People will never be able to change my opinion and I will never be able to change theirs.  

I don't think anyone is trying to change your opinion, just trying to understand it. Although, to say no one could ever change your opinion...would it be fair to say you aren't an open-minded person? LOL

I understand your reasoning behind it not being lazy for the Dad to get up. 

There are other ways to socialize children other than MDO...so why wouldn't MDO be seen as the "lazy" way to socialize your kid, and maybe an organized playgroup the non-lazy way?

And I have to ask again...you still think it's lazy for anyone other than those with health issues to have a night nurse? Even those with multiple babies, people who have no local friends or family or those that have spouses who travel OOT a lot?

I can't stand when people state an opinion then can't back it up. I don't want to change your mind or really even care, I just want to know WHY it is lazy?

kevschickee2

I think it is lazy because if you are home why should you hire someone to take care of the child when you are right down the hall.  That is why I think it is being lazy. 

bumpuser331626

Unless they are both going back to work within two weeks, I don't think it's necessary.  I had a premature baby who needed 2-hr feedings plus breathing treatments...not to mention she had uncontrolled acid reflux for the first several months.  I survived.

kevschickee2

She asked why I thought it was lazy.  So I answered.  Yes if you are right down the hall suck it up and take care of the baby.  We all do it and we survive.