3 mo old & toddler - I need help!
ArcticFox
member
*sigh* I am so overwhelmed.. I'm not sure what to do.
It is bitter cold winter here. I had my second baby in october and we never get out, because of the weather (we can't just go out in the backyard and play), we are avoiding other kid's germs (for the baby's sake), and because it has been tough for me to get both kids out.
I feel like my toddler gets no quality time any more. I am frazzled during the day, trying to juggle the baby, pump, and clean.
Then my husband gets home and he watches DD but doesn't play with her (he is working on his computer, and he starts his MBA program next week).
Should I just start my toddler in daycare or preschool or something? She just hangs on me all day and watches TV. Even if I turn off the TV, she just stands there doing nothing basically. It's like she has suddenly stopped playing on her own, and I don't know what to do. She won't go and color, play with stickers, dolls, pretend play, etc.. she won't even play with her brand new play kitchen!
Any help.. I am so sad and very desperate.. I feel like a horrible mom and it's really tough not having support (like my husband not being able to give her time). Do I wait this out or just enroll her in something?
(An XP from 3-6mo babies)
Re: 3 mo old & toddler - I need help!
Looks like our kids are similar in ages.
I don't pump or (to be honest) clean very much. And my DD goes to Mother's Day Out 2x a week from 9-2.... and there's really no way I'd give that up as long as we can pay for it. She loves it, she has fun, makes friends, plays, learns new things and it wears her out and burns off her excess energy. They even have a tap and ballet class once a week which she LOVES. So I don't see this as a last resort or a negative option at all (except perhaps financially).
She's pretty high energy so not doing something is not an option. I've been taking DS to playgroups since he was 2 weeks old. On days she's not in school we do a morning outing - grocery store, the zoo (even in winter, though our winter is nothing compared to yours), mall playground, bounce house, heck we go to IKEA just to let her play in the children's toy section. I just keep the baby close in either a sling or the car seat and don't let others touch him and try to wash my hands a lot. He's getting immunities from BM as well so I figure that't the best I can do.
Can you play with her at all to help her get back in the groove? Modeling what I want DD to do usually kickstarts her pretend play. I know that baby makes it difficult, but we'll do things like play "picnic" on a blanket on the floor. DS and I sit there and DD brings us playfood to eat and I'll ask her to make us new food in her kitchen. So she's entertained, DS can be held and even nursed and we're all relatively happy. (And I'll be the first to admit that this is only possible because DS is a very mellow baby and if his temperment was anything like DD's as a baby this would never work)
I make room in my lap while I nurse so that DD can cuddle with us if she wants to and ask for her help with DS as much as possible (fetching stuff for me, put pacifier in his mouth, getting a washcloth wet for changing diaper, ask her to sing or pat him when he's fussy even though I'm holding him/trying to calm him too).
And I still have days where DD watches too much TV and I feel overwhelmed.
You just described how I felt a few months ago. You are not a bad mommy at all. This is just a rough period right now with the new baby and all. I felt so bad for my 2YO and thought about putting her in school (even made a few calls to some), but I decided to stick it out. I just wasn't ready to let her go and she constantly tells me she wants to stay with me and her lil sis. It does get better as the baby gets older. You can get her involved in helping with the baby and small tasks around the house. My toddler loves to help mommy cook and wash dishes. I let her rinse the veggies and put them in the pot. After I wash dishes, I let her 're-rinse' them. Sure, there's water everywhere but she loves playing mommy. I'd also color with her and introduced her to crafts. Even 10 min. of your time here and there helps. If you're not ready to put her in school, don't. Things will change in three month's time. Best wishes. Oh yeah, I also took her to gymboree with baby in tote.
our kids are about the same age also!
My son is in mom's morning out 4x a week from 9-1pm. He loves, loves it there! This gives me a chance to enjoy my LO.
On mondays when he's not in school, I find ways to make time to play bc i feel the same way you do. Here are some ways to find time for the 2 of you:
1. Floor picnics, have her bring you and your LO food
2. When your LO is sleeping, bake cookies together or do puzzle time, coloring.
3. I put both kids to bed by 7:30 this way i'm able to do my cleaning that i didnt get a chance to do.
4. I also have a chore chart for my son..it actually helps with my chores
He takes the clothes to the laundry room, feeds the dogs, cleans his toys up..etc. This makes him feel like he's helping mommy and is nice quality time as well.
5. When LO is sleeping, we sometimes take baths together..and have playtime in the tub as well.
6. When i'm nursing I nurse in my big boy's room that way I can watch him play and interact with him while i nurse.
You can't spend each waking moment with them but these are ways to get 20min here and there in so they feel special too.
Leave the cleaning to later... it was hard to do in the beginning but its more important to spend time w/ them-they grow so fast.
Have you thought about having someone come do the deap cleaning twice a month or even once a month.
I also made a cleaning schedule so I know what to do each day and its not always crazy trying to do it all in one day.