SAHMs of 2 or more kids

ArcticFox

*sigh* I am so overwhelmed.. I'm not sure what to do.

It is bitter cold winter here.  I had my second baby in october and we never get out, because of the weather (we can't just go out in the backyard and play), we are avoiding other kid's germs (for the baby's sake), and because it has been tough for me to get both kids out.

I feel like my toddler gets no quality time any more.  I am frazzled during the day, trying to juggle the baby, pump, and clean.

Then my husband gets home and he watches DD but doesn't play with her (he is working on his computer, and he starts his MBA program next week).

Should I just start my toddler in daycare or preschool or something?  She just hangs on me all day and watches TV.  Even if I turn off the TV, she just stands there doing nothing basically.  It's like she has suddenly stopped playing on her own, and I don't know what to do.  She won't go and color, play with stickers, dolls, pretend play, etc.. she won't even play with her brand new play kitchen!

Any help.. I am so sad and very desperate.. I feel like a horrible mom and it's really tough not having support (like my husband not being able to give her time).  Do I wait this out or just enroll her in something?

KandM05

sorry your feeling so down. I would definetly look into some kind of part time preschool or class. Many preschools are for 2-3 days a week for half a day. It would allow your daughter to make friends, get out of the house, and learn and play and interact! all the while giving you a break and letting you focus on the little one.  If not preschool, look into other places like Gymboree, My Gym, etc. Or even local kid classes, like balet, gymnastics, art, etc.  She could always join a sport like soccer or swimming........so many options! And i'm sure she will really appreciate it and you'll be giving her a boost of self esteem and socialization too

DarcyLongfellow

I don't have two kids, or a toddler, but just from reading what you wrote, it sounds like your older daughter may just be having trouble adjusting to having to share you.

Two suggestions, just right off the top of my head.  First, she probably needs a little bit of assistance to get started playing independently.  Instead of just saying, "why don't you go play with your play kitchen?" could you start out playing with her, then tell her to keep playing when you have to get up?  Two month olds are pretty time consuming, but can you maybe nurse the baby while reading to your older daughter, or even while sitting on the floor playing with her?

Also, maybe try to get some one on one time with your daughter, even if it's only once a week while your husband watches the baby.

You're not a bad mom!  It's very easy to feel overwhelmed.  You'll get the hang of it soon, I'm sure!

wwsurf81

I think preschool is a great idea if you have the money to spend on it.  You could probably even just put her in just a couple of days a week, not full time.  It would give you quality time with #2, which he or she probably doesn't get much of and it will get your toddler out of the house and into a little bit of education and socializing fun.  I wouldn't feel guilty at all in enrolling her into something.  It would teach her a little bit of independence too.  Plus, I bet if she gets out of the house, when she gets home, she'll be eager to play and she'll stay busier at home. 

ladyjester

I agree that putting her in some kind of social program is probably a good idea.  It would make things easier on you and give her a chance to play with kids her own age.

MelissaMc22

My kids are very similar to yours, and alot of time I feel like you do. DS 2 is such a fussy needy baby, I have definiteky had to give him alot more attention than I hoped. I feel so gulty about both of them, and pulled in 2 directions.

A couple things have helped me though-

I am in a moms group and it has been a lifesaver. We get out at least 1-2 times a week with them. I worried about germs and the weather too, but at some point you just gotta go for it- you will go crazy if you don't!

Another thing that is helped me is having a plan for each day. Even if it is as simple as going to the grocery, the postoffice, doing a a holiday craft whatever... I just have something planned.

I spend as much time with DS 1 as I can, and he sometimes has trouble "playing" too. he is big into wrestling right now and sometimes all he wants to do is climb on me. Makes me absolutely crazy, especially while trying to nurse!

 Just take each day as it comes, try to make each day special for DD making a big deal out of whatever you are into.

Good luck!! I feelyour pain!