This is so hurtful...

mek10976

So here is a little background.  About 1-2 months ago I posted about Christmas with my brother/SIL and their dogs.  We had asked them to keep their dogs in another room b/c one of them has bitten my SIL and their cat and done some serious damage.  My bro and SIL got all unravelled and felt like we were being unreasonable.  My SIL even wrote my mother an email tell her how selfish I was for bringing this up when they are adjusting to becoming new parents.  I saw the email, but it was never sent to me, so I never said anything to SIL about it.  We were able to work out a situation with the dogs we were comfortable with and had a nice Christmas. 

Fast forward to today...I was on Facebook and could see that SIL and her friend (who is a NICU nurse) had conversations on their "walls".  Obviously, I could see what was written and here is what it said (keep in mind, when she is referring to "nephew", she is talking about my son. also excuse the strange english, but she is british):

boy that nephew of mine just ain't right....he is dead canny and what a pleasant bairn but heis either delayed or lazy because his parents do everything for him...kid doesn't even hold his own bottle and still gets burped....

I am so hurt by this and completely in tears.  What's makes it worse is that we do have EI coming tomorrow to evaluate Simon for gross motor/speech delays.  Who says stuff like this about their own family in such a public manner?  I'm comepletely beside myself and am not sure where to go from here.  My SIL is the last person to ever apologize for anything and admit she was wrong.

Autumn_bride2b

Oh my. That is disgusting of her. I'm so sorry. ***hugs***

kkh2002

Can you talk to your brother about it?  Or is he just as bad?

Personally, I'd post on her wall letting her know that it's NOT private...and I'd probably throw in a few obscenities before de-friending her.  I've culled family members for much less than that.

FWIW, she sounds like an idiot all around so try not to let it get to you :-(

 

Mrs.tlcS

that's really terrible.  I'm so sorry.

arthist24

That is disgusting of her and completely unacceptable!  She sounds like a jerk.  I would probably say something to your brother about it. 

SBMBride406

What a B!tch! First of all, lots of 1 year olds don't hold their own bottle (mine didn't and he is not delayed nor lazy). And, um, why wouldn't you do everything for him? He's a baby!! Its not like he's 5! I'm surprised you held back...I would have called her and cursed her out by now (not like that is the appropriate response, but I think it would make me feel better). I'm so sorry you have to deal with this miserable witch.

BTW, can you interpret "dead canny"? I looked it up...I guess she's saying he's quiet?

TriciaJoy

Holy shiit. Yeah, that's hurtful, horrendous, judgy, out of line and just plain wrong!

Personally, I'd call her out, but I'm admittedly a bit confrontational.

Jennyjenz

This is unreal and I feel terrible for you.  Some family she is.

I can imagine it is difficult but keep your head up, keep doing what you know is right for Simon and remember, karma is a b*tch! 

preemieparent

I'm so sorry! Your SIL is terrible.  And rude.

Personally I would write on someone else's wall about what an idiot your SIL is and really detail out how much of a you-know-what she is.  That way she can get the same feeling you did. And hopefully other people can read it too. 

SWMcFarland

Lily has never even had an opportunity to hold her own bottle--I feel like if she is big enough to hold her own bottle, she can have a sippy cup instead and lose the bottle altogether.  But some people feel differently, and I respect that too.  How does your SIL know you aren't thinking just like me?

I am so sorry she did this.  She sounds like a real dolt.  Your baby is beautiful and she could never understand what you've been through.  I take pleasure in doing as much for Lily as I can, including feeding her.  She's never had to experience feeling helpless, being able to do nothing for her LO.

Unfortunately, there is nothing that you are going to be able to say that is going to make her less of an idiot.  It may make you feel better in the short term, but stooping to her level isn't the answer.  In your heart, you know she has serious issues if she can be so blase about the whole situation you have been through.

But, I sure would love to rip her a new one.  I've got no ties!!!  :-)

 

mek10976

SBMBride406:

What a B!tch! First of all, lots of 1 year olds don't hold their own bottle (mine didn't and he is not delayed nor lazy). And, um, why wouldn't you do everything for him? He's a baby!! Its not like he's 5! I'm surprised you held back...I would have called her and cursed her out by now (not like that is the appropriate response, but I think it would make me feel better). I'm so sorry you have to deal with this miserable witch.

BTW, can you interpret "dead canny"? I looked it up...I guess she's saying he's quiet?

I had to look it up too, but "dead canny" means nice, kind hearted, genuine. 

MrsJRT

That is extremely hurtful. I can't believe that she said that!  I am so sorry.  Simon is just fine, especially being a preemie.  Robinson never held his own bottle either, but holds his sippy cup just fine now.  DO NOT think for a minute that she has any inclination of what you've been through, b/c she just proved that she does not.  I am so sorry that you are having to experience this utter hurtful behavior. 

If it was me, I would confront her and give her a piece of my mind-  but I also stick  my foot in my mouth a lot!  What about talking to your brother??

lstaylor73

If it were me I would print screen shots of this and put it in an envelope in a deep dark place in my closet and cut her off completely.  And if people were to ask I would just say that she's not very nice and that you don't want to associate with her at all anymore and leave it at that.  Anything else would be a waste of time if she's the last person to apologize for such blatant, rude, mean, direct and unfair behavior.  Shame on her, the bitchh.

lstaylor73

Oh and I'm a confrontational person by nature so I do advocate calling her on her behavior, but she needs to come to you first or to be put in a position where she is publicly held accountable, or it is not worth the stress and anxiety she will cause you in the future.

clyoungsey

totally.uncalled.for...I wouldn't do this to a stranger, yet alone family.  My FTer didn't hold his baa at a year either.  Nothing to do with delay, just her rude and mean observations and opinions.

mhop

That is so ugly!  And how does she not know that what you put on someone's wall is public?!  I hate her and I don't even know her.  I'm so sorry you had to read that.  I have no advice b/c I'd just cry and then I don't know what I'd do..,

mek10976

Ok, so here is the update thus far...I talked to my parents (mom is a counselor and my dad is just plain wise) and they are LIVID, especially because she has also written stuff on FB when she is angry at them and never accepts their apology when they realize they have upset her.  So they suggested I draft and email calling her out and telling her that she is being completely unappropriate.  Then read the email tomorrow when I have cooled off a little, edit if necessary, then hit send.  I'm not a very confrontational person and as much as I would love to call her out on FB, I don't want to stoop to her level.  I am not anticipating that she will have one ounce of empathy and apologize.  My brother will just back her up.  So I said in the email that we need distance from our familial relationship and if they still come to DC in spring, they will need to find another place to stay. I don't want to completely shut the door on any kind of relationship, mostly because I hope that Simon and my niece can grow up knowing each other.

*KatieH*

I 2nd what Laura suggested print out what she said.   I am also curious about the NICU nurses response.   I am so sorry that your sil is such a snatch I have a lot of pent up anger and would love to unleash it on her if you would like.  Just let me know.   

 And M, you know Simon is perfect she is just jealous! 

RCH151

call her out on it - shame on her especially because she's a NICU nurse.  Last I checked, holding their own bottle isn't a milestone.

cjb62803

Wow, that is terrible. I can't believe someone did that. Simon is such a blessing and she has no idea what she is talking about. I agree, holding a bottle is not a milestone and who care if his parents do everything for him, babies are only babies ONCE!  Most moms and dads want to enjoy their babies and if it means holding their bottles, then so be it!!! I'm not a confrontational person either, but this situation warrants something. Good luck with the email.

TriciaJoy

I think that's a pretty good plan from your parents. Let us know how it goes.
In the mean time, I'll be over here spending some time with a voodoo doll

AFwife1106

Throat punch her next time you see her.  I would be livid.  

Clotho!

that's awful. She sounds like such an idiot. i agree with what your parents said. Confront her on it but don't stoop to her level. sounds like you've got a good action plan. Simon is perfect the way he is. Ds#1 never held his own bottle either. So don't worry about it. Like pp said holding a bottle is not a milestone and if you're like me you enjoy doing things w/ Simon including holding his bottle during feedings. By the way you Simon is such a cutie and I of course love the name.

as a side note dh and I thought we were picking out good names that were not too common but also not too out there and here there is a Simon and a Robbie on this board

RubyRed7

Personally... she would be dead to me....

But I would least send an email saying... "Wow, what a hurtful and insensitive thing to say about any child, let alone mine. I expect that you will never do such a thing again if you plan to play any role in his life in the future..."

JessAndi

Your SIL sucks at life.

gymrat

I'm sorry she sucks. ((HUGS)) I agree with sending the e-mail. Good luck!

lemen99

Ugh that is just awful. (HUGS)

Million$$Baby

What a ***. I would totally call her out on it. If she has something to say, she can say it to you, not some friend on a Facebook wall. I'm sorry.

jcsntms06

I'm so sorry you had to read that crap. I can't believe your SIL would say something like that, or anyone say something. Sending you tons of hugs.

Ali05

wow!!! I would be in tears too. I'm avoid confrontation until you mess with my family. I would totally call her out on it. Good luck with the email. I would be fine having nothing to do with her until she matures (if that ever happens). 

I would comment on FB but I know that wouldn't resolve anything.