am i ridiculous that i've never left henry overnight? — The Bump
North Carolina Babies

am i ridiculous that i've never left henry overnight?

honest opinions please, i'm just wondering.

my ILs are dropping major hints that it's about time we leave henry overnight with them. i'm fine having him over there in general. when i'm not on break, he spends one day a week there. i'm just not interested in leaving him overnight for no reason. he sleeps in til 9-9:30, so it's not like i'll get to sleep more if he's not there, and he goes to bed at 7. there's PLENTY of time between 7pm and 9am for DH and i to have alone time (if he's even home, LOL).

when did you leave your child overnight for the first time? i WILL say that if we go on vacation this year, it will be sans henry and i have NO issue with that.

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Re: am i ridiculous that i've never left henry overnight?

  • Well if it is ridiculous, I'm right there with ya. We've never left Ben with anyone else overnight and I don't have plans anytime soon. On another note, I want my child to sleep from 7pm to 9am! I'm super super jealous.
  • I guess the question is have you ever had any reason to leave him overnight yet?  Is it that you're just not ready, or you just haven't had a reason? 

    We have left Eli overnight at the grandparents many times.  Both my mom and my IL's.  But we just do alot of out of town stuff that he can't come along, or we chose to do adults only.  But I guess if you've never had a reason to leave him, then I don't see the point in doing it just for giggles if you don't feel the need to. 

    Personally, I don't have any issues with letting Eli spend the night with his grandparents.  They love it and he seems to have a good time, and it doesn't bother him at all.  But I know it doesn't work like that for everyone, so I don't think it's crazy that you don't do it. 

    Now, my opinion might differ if you haven't been doing things because you have him and refuse to leave him overnight.  Like not going to an out of town adults only wedding because you couldn't take him or something like that.  And I'm talking about toddlers, not babies.  Or if you weren't considering taking that vacation without him.  But it doesn't seem like that's what you're saying.

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  • imagemrsmikey:

    I guess the question is have you ever had any reason to leave him overnight yet?  Is it that you're just not ready, or you just haven't had a reason? 

    We have left Eli overnight at the grandparents many times.  Both my mom and my IL's.  But we just do alot of out of town stuff that he can't come along, or we chose to do adults only.  But I guess if you've never had a reason to leave him, then I don't see the point in doing it just for giggles if you don't feel the need to. 

    Personally, I don't have any issues with letting Eli spend the night with his grandparents.  They love it and he seems to have a good time, and it doesn't bother him at all.  But I know it doesn't work like that for everyone, so I don't think it's crazy that you don't do it. 

    Now, my opinion might differ if you haven't been doing things because you have him and refuse to leave him overnight.  Like not going to an out of town adults only wedding because you couldn't take him or something like that.  And I'm talking about toddlers, not babies.  Or if you weren't considering taking that vacation without him.  But it doesn't seem like that's what you're saying.

    see that's the thing. we take him everywhere. like we're going to richmond to spend new years with some friends of ours, and the ILs are trying to get us to leave him here. a) DH almost never gets to see henry, so any time we have that he's not working, i like him to be with us, and b) our friends are dying to see henry since they haven't seen him since his first birthday.

    we don't refuse to leave him overnight, if something came up, sure. all our friends are already married, and the only OOT weddings we're going to are family, so henry's invited.

    he's such an easy kid, i really don't NEED a break from him, and since DH is always always always working, i feel like he needs that time to bond with his son. argh. i just can't win!

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  • Well then, I don't really see the problem.  But there is something about grandparents wanting to keep their grandchildren that is really weird.  MIL bugged us about it for forever before we were ready.  So maybe if there's no reason you're holding back, you could just throw her a bone on occassion.  If she's anything like my MIL, after the first few times she'll back of and it won't really be an issue anymore. 
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  • No, I don't think it's ridiculous, it sounds like just a matter of circumstances.

    We let my MIL keep Cam when she was pretty young just so we could get a decent night's sleep.  When she was just over a year, we went to Asheville for the weekend for Friday night and Saturday and left her with my parents.  She also stayed with them when I had Caylee. 

    Sounds like what you are doing just works for y'all so I wouldn't stress about it! 


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  • And WOW he sleeps 7 til 9.  Those sleep books must have really worked on him!  I'm going to have to re-read here soon for Caylee....momma is tired!!!! 

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  • We haven't left Liam yet overnight, although we are ready to and want to, we just haven't had occasion to yet.  I would have MIL stay here with him, since he doesn't sleep well in a PNP (he's really too tall for it already).  We wanted to go away for the weekend in Jan, but our finances are just not cooperating *sigh*.

    DH and I have each left him with each other while one of us went away, just not both of us at the same time.

    And ditto the pps, I can't tell you how jealous I am Henry sleeps 7-9 LOL!  I'd kill for sleep!  DH wants to go away on a ski weekend, and I just want to go somewhere to sleep haha.

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  • We have never left Natalie overnight with anyone else.  Both DH and I have gone away for work but the other one has been home with her.  Our relatives all live in the Midwest but even so, I don't see any reason for her to stay overnight with them without us if we were in the same area.  DH and I haven't taken a trip just the two of us yet.  That will probably be the first time we leave the girls overnight with someone else.
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  • I don't think it's weird since you haven't really had a reason to do it yet. Maddie has spent the night many times with my parents, but she does NOT sleep like Henry (really, I don't think any other baby sleeps like Henry, lol!), so it's much needed break for me.

    I think your reasons for taking him with you for NYE make total sense. Just to make the IL's happy, maybe go ahead and schedule a night that he can spend the night. My mom LOVES when Maddie spends the night, and I'm sure it would make them so happy. And since you're comfortable with him being there, maybe you could just let them keep him overnight a couple of times a year to keep them happy (and shut them up, lol).

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  • I don't think its strange but I would let them keep him overnight because they want to and they are his grandparents (said the lady who went on a week vacation with dh when alex was 10 months old). I guess we are lucky - not only do I enjoy the break (Alex sleeps good too so its not a tired issue either) but I get to go out to not so kid friendly places and enjoy adult time. What if you take them up on it on a night when dh won't be home so you can have a girls night out (or in). Or set a date with Dh every couple of months so that ils can have overnight time to. I just try to look at it like they love him and want to spoil him as much as I do.
  • You are not ridiculous, it is a personal decision.  For us, we see my in-laws  all the time, they live in town and Will just loves them!!  He stayed with them overnight for the first time Halloween night (he was 10 months) so we could go out.  It went great and he is staying with them again tomorrow night, so we can go out for NYE - it is nice not having to get up early with a baby when you are hungover Big Smile
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  • I don't think you are crazy at all. My DD will never ever ever stay overnight at my ILs. I don't care that they are her grandparents, they can see her during the day, but I don't think I would even let her be over there during the day by herself either. I don't trust them that much and they do not live in the best neighborhood. I may consider letting them stay overnight at our house and watch her, but that would be a last resort.

    Now my parents have watched Ashley overnight a few times at their home. The first time was when she was around a year old and went to the beach for the weekend. The second time they watched her when she was 14 months old and we went to Spain for a week. 

    I also had to travel for work when Ashley was as young as four months and my DH watched her.

    Like you, Ashley is a super easy kid and has STTN (10 hours plus) since she was three months old, so honestly, it was not a big deal to have her with us all the time, she wasn't interfering with our sleep :)

  • Holly hasn't stayed overnight with either sets of grandparents yet. I know they're both dying to, but we haven't had the need yet. I'm trying to erase that train of thought and realize they just want to keep her, whether we need them to or not. My mom has been really nagging me about it, and whining about "how all other grandmothers get to keep their grandkids," as if I'm on some meanie mission to keep Holly from her..which honestly makes me want to let her to keep her even less, but my relationship with my mom is a whole other post. Smile

    For me, I just am not chomping at the bit for a night without her yet (ask me again in a few months. hehe) She's a great sleeper, so we don't really need "the rest." And I can't think of many places we could go right now that I wouldn't want her to come with us. But I know it would be good for DH and I to have some alone time. 

    My MIL gave us a week at their timeshare (they suggested we use it in Vegas) for Christmas, with them offering to keep her. I'm probably not ready to be that far from her (nor is Vegas on the top of my list right now), so we're going to see if we can cash it in as hotel points (It's a Hilton timeshare club) for 2-3 weekends away, somewhere more local (Asheville, Williamsburg, Charleston, etc)

    And, we're going to try to let them start keeping her maybe once a month even if we're not out of town (alternating with each set of parents) just so we can have a date night.

    Honestly a lot of it is my worry that they do things "wrong." They're both pretty scatterbrained, and I can be neurotically anxious about Holly's wellbeing sometimes, it turns out. Tongue Tied I'm trying to remind myself that while they might not do things just like me, they'd never in a million years let anything happen to her... So, yeah, obviously I've been trying to talk myself into this idea lately. I know it's probably time, and that the grandparents would have a ball with it...

    So there's the long answer to your question. But no, I don't think you're crazy. Maybe, like I'm trying to do, let them keep him just because, not only when you need a babysitter. GL!



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  • imagetoadslove:
    I don't think its strange but I would let them keep him overnight because they want to and they are his grandparents (said the lady who went on a week vacation with dh when alex was 10 months old). I guess we are lucky - not only do I enjoy the break (Alex sleeps good too so its not a tired issue either) but I get to go out to not so kid friendly places and enjoy adult time. What if you take them up on it on a night when dh won't be home so you can have a girls night out (or in). Or set a date with Dh every couple of months so that ils can have overnight time to. I just try to look at it like they love him and want to spoil him as much as I do.

    Ditto this. My parents LOVE keeping DD. The really do enjoy having her over there. IL's haven't kept her yet, but that's b/c they don't have a secluded place that they can have her sleep yet (bedrooms occupied)-once SIL moves out, she can stay overnight. 

    DD also sleeps well (9-9 or later) so it's not the sleep deprivation issue. I did need my parents to keep her for a reason originally. Then I realized that I really enjoyed alone time with DH-lol. So from time to time-she stays with my parents and we do a "date night". It's really refreshing for us to have time with just us. And I work full time-so I understand your DH wanting to spend time when everyone's together-but once every couple months isn't that big a deal for me-though I want to spend as much time as possible together.

    If you're thinking about taking a trip in the future...it may be a good idea to go ahead and let him stay the night-then it's not so extreme later when he's never stayed there before. 

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  • I dont think its ridiculous esp. if u haven't had a reason to do it. My ILs for DH's birthday gave us dinner in downtown raleigh and a nite at a hotel down there  cuz we had a friend wedding at 11am the next morning. My MIL asked me if i would be okay leaving him with them overnite before she booked it all or told DH and it was hard at first cuz he was like 8.5 months but i think it hellped that i was out and not at home a mile from him. And then in October my parents kept him so we could ahve a date nite and spend the following morning cleaning the house the weekend before his bday party. My parents are keeping him one nite over martin luther king weekend cuz I will be at a ladies scrapbooking beach weekend and DH has to work that monday. So i mean its been for a set reason but at the same time my DH also gets more time with DS then i know you said yours does. do what u want to do and dont let MIL or anyone make u feel bad for it. but i'd say just give her a nite randomly even if  DH isnt going to be home even just for a nite to yourself then u wont even take away from dh's time with him.
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