Cincinnati Babies

Problem with aging grandparent - LONG

Does anyone have an experience with this, or work in the health/mental health field?

 Long story short, my grandmother has never quite been "all there" but she has been showing early dementia signs for quite some time now and as I understand it was diagnosed. My grandparents recently moved to a new city for a bigger apartment and different docs. My grandmother was refusing to see the doctors here in Cincinnati anymore. (this is a reoccurring theme for her - but that is a whole 'nother story).

 The move seems to have really thrown her for a loop. They have been in the new place for like 11 days now. In the beginning she was sleeping alot and just seemed generally confused. She swears she is having conversations with her dead siblings and that my brother was just in the room (even though he has been stationed in Iraq for 6 months). Now she has gotten mean and beligerent.

Day before yesterday she got up at 5 am packed her clothes and insisted that she was leaving because the new apartment was "not her house". My grandfather was trying to get her back in to the house when she fell, hit her head and was knocked unconcious. He called the ambulance and she was taken to the hospital.

They did a bunch of tests and didn't find anything wrong with her per say. My grandfather told them how altered she was. She was catatonic for a bit in the hospital but when it came down to it she answered the docs questions right, refused to go to a nursing home and was sent home. When they got home, she packed again and walked out the door.

My grandfather ended up driving around with her cussing at him until he finally convinced her to go and rest. She wanted to go to Chicago or DC. They haven't lived in Chicago in like 40 years and have never lived in DC.

She refuses to go back to the hospital or a nursing home and there is not "making" her unless we either sedate her or get some very large men to drag her out of the car. She hasn't been taking any of her medication which is making the situation a million times worse. She is a diabetic with thyroid problems.

At this point I am not sure if we would have to go to court to get her declared legally incompetent or what. To make matters worse my grandfather refuses to believe that it is dementia. He thinks she has had some kind of stroke or something and that she will snap back. The only small thing in his defense I can say is that I have seen my grandmother go on crazy loopy binges before and she somehow snapped back (like I said, she has never been all there). Years ago she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but once she got the diagnosis she never went back to that doc because he was a quack who was against her. Anyway, I think he just can't face the fact that she is really losing her mind and he is covering for her.

My mom is going up there (chillicothe) to bascially babysit my grandmother today so that my granddad can get some things done and try to find out what kind of options there are if she keeps acting this way and to get her some long term help.

 Has anyone been through anything vaguely similar? I am grasping at straws here because I don't even know where to start. I called my MIL who has dealt with several of her relatives who had alzheimers and her suggestion was to try to get her admitted to a hospital for at least 3 days and then medicare will pay to send her to a nursing home for 90 days to get a full work up done. Great idea. Problem is that my grandmother refuses to go. How do you make a grown women, albeit one not dealing with a full deck, go get help?

Re: Problem with aging grandparent - LONG

  • I sell a drug for Alzheimer's dementia and DH's grandmother has middle-late moderate Alzheimer's, so I'm pretty knowledgeable when it comes to dementia.  From her symptoms, some align with Alzheimer's dementia but not all.  I would google frontal lobe dementia.  I don't know a lot about it, but I call on a group of doctors who specialize in diagnosing dementia and I had asked them about a friend's father once with similar symptoms.  They mentioned frontal lobe dementia.  I don't know where your grandma lives now, but finding out if and what kind of dementia is really important to stabilizing her.  The doctors I call on (2 doctors and a psychologist) do a 3-4 hour consult with the family and patient and make a diagnosis.  Beyond that, they do geriatric work so they are extremely knowledgeable with older patients.  I'm sure they may be someone similar in other cities, and if you'd like I could ask them!   Let me know if you need the names of the doctors here, or if you'd like me to ask them about finding a doctor in another city.
  • If you could ask them about a doctor in or around chillicothe/columbus etc, that would be great. You can text, email or buzz me. Thanks!

    Now if we can convince her to GO to the doctor. :) I agree that getting a full workup and diagnosis is important. We are just fighting to get that to happen.

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  • My aunt-in-law (so I'm fairly removed from all of it) was just diagnosed with alzheimer's.  She's 66 so it's really sad.  It took them a long time to get her to go to the doctor with her daughter, which is what needed to happen for privacy issues for her doctor to act on what we were observing (forgetting the spices in the pumpkin pie at thanksgiving, calling Brandon "Bryan", etc..., always asking the same questions, getting lost around places she's lived her whole life, I could go on with dozens of more examples, etc...)  Her doc referred them to a geriatric doc, and she had a 3-4 hour consult where a diagnosis was given at the end.  She was prescribed a drug to slow down the alzheimers and her driver's license was revoked pending test (which pray that it will be revoked permanently for everyone else's safety).  She went bolistic over the driving thing.  Anyway, I digress.

    I guess my point is that there are lots of older folks out there who have gone through this sort of thing and maybe there are resources available about it.  Try the local Council on Aging and see what they have available?  Old age and dementia is a scary and very sad thing to me- I think it's one of the harder things to deal with.  T&P that you find some help! 

  • Thanks. Someone on the nest board suggested senior protective services. a google search on thier town and sps came up with a ton of resources. I have a bunch of calls in and actually just got off the phone with the resource person at thier local counsel on aging who reccomended an in home program to help. I have passed all the info on to my mom who is up there today. she is going to give it to my grandfather when he gets home.

     Thanks for the prayers. we need it. :/

  • My grandfather had a stroke 3 years ago and is totally out of it (can't even work the TV remote), and my grandmother is physically very compromised.  We finally convinced them they needed help, but it took FOREVER.  Things have gotten bad enough though that my dad now has medical and financial powers of attorney for both of them.  Can your grandfather get a medical power of attorney for her, or can you or someone in your family convince them to give them that?  I think you may even be able to go to court to get it. I know how hard this is, my grandfather called the other day thinking he was living in a hotel (he's in assisted living) and tried to get home, and was looking for his mother who is long dead.  My grandmother now can barely talk, is completely immoble and can't eat on her own, and is falling into dimentia.  I hope you find some answers, it took us years to get to where we can make decisions for them because they were so stubborn.  GL!
  • I just replied on our stepmom board.
  • I would also call your local Council on Aging. 
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