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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
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Auchick

noah-bearnoah-bear member
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months
How have you been feeling? All the air gone?
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Re: Auchick

  • UnknownUnknown
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  • noah-bearnoah-bear member

    I'm ok. Been thinking a lot.

    When we found out that the baby had passed, I was actually very fine. I had accepted the fact that I had a strong gut feeling this pregnancy wouldn't continue. Everything told me it wouldn't. I was constantly measuring behind, cramping and bleeding brown.

    It didn't start to hit me until little things happened. I was cleaning and came across all my new maternity clothes I got for the summer (returning later this week), talking to DH about his summer training and catching myself reminding  him to be home by the due date, and then it all hit home two nights ago when it happened. I knew there'd be bleeding and clots, but I never expected what happened. Over 20 clots, gushing blood and I nearly passed out. The one clot that didn't make it into the toilet (even though I ran) was the one that killed me. I saw the grey and small sac. Then I thought to myself "That was supposed to be my baby. I have to flush my baby down the toilet" and then I lost it.

    I can't stop thinking since then. I don't know if I can handle (mentally or physically)  being pregnant again.

    Sorry to ramble, this was the only place I could let it out on. Everyone else (IRL) just says "better sooner than later in the pregnancy", "there must have been something wrong with the baby, it's better this way", or the kicker for me "God has something in store for you". 

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  • noah-bearnoah-bear member

    Thanks, I appreciate it. It's nice to have a place to go and just vent. DH doesn't understand how much this place helps me.

    I know I'll get back to wanting another baby. It'll take time, but our original plans were to start trying when Noah turns 2(ish). I think, for now, we'll keep it at that. The only thing that might jolt me into changing my mind is if we find out we'll have even more problems. Endometriosis runs in my family, along with the PCOS that I have now.

    My grandmother miscarried 3 and my mom miscarried 2, both due to the Endo and PCOS.  

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  • noah-bearnoah-bear member

    Thanks. Me too! And same to you! What I'm assuming my MW will tell me is that the hemorrhage (from who knows what) caused the m/c.

    If we end up having to do fertility treatments, it would be 4ish years down the road. I would go insane if I had to wait that long! 

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