post on parenting is upsetting - returning adopted child

BostonGayGal

Not that anyone is saying anything mean or anything, but whoa loaded topic for me.  It is so easy to judge the parents.  But I suspect they were lied to, or that the clinicians were not qualified to make the calls about the child's mental health that they did.  Maybe they should have gotten independent doctors. Horrible situation for all involved.

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https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/ShowThread.aspx?PostID=28201038#28201038

Parents want to return adopted childWow. I don't even know what to say. WDYT? 
 https://www.myfoxtampabay.com/dpps/news/dpgo-parents-want-to-return-adopted-child-lwf-20091222_5224968Parents Want to Return Adopted ChildUpdated: Tuesday, 22 Dec 2009, 9:53 PM EST
Published : Tuesday, 22 Dec 2009, 9:49 PM ESTBy LILY FU(MYFOX NATIONAL) - Parents of an adopted boy in Oklahoma are hoping to change the laws to allow for a return policy for their child.Tony and Melissa Westcott told the Tulsa World that they love their 11-year-old son, whose name has not been disclosed. But after he was diagnosed with several severe mental health issues, they said it's beyond their ability to help him. They said they actually fear for their lives after they found several knives under his mattress and a trash can in his room that had been set on fire."We were told he was a normal boy who would have the normal adjustment issues any child in foster care would have," Melissa Wescott said. "We have been his biggest advocates and strongest fighters. But we are scared of him, and that hurts us."At the time they adopted the boy, documents disclosed by the Department of Human Services indicated that the boy "has no difficulty with attachments and he knows right from wrong .... He does not demonstrate any significant behavioral problems which would be considered abnormal for a child his age."(The child) has not received counseling services and these services have not been indicated as a need for him at this time. (The child) is developmentally appropriate."Soon after that, the problems began cropping up. Doctors diagnosed the boy with reactive detachment disorder, disruptive behavior disorder, major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome. The Westcotts decided to send him to a psychiatric hospital in Tulsa, and he's set to be released next month.But the Westcotts believe that the boy should be returned to the DHS so that he can get the help he needs. "It's not like we are trying to return an itchy sweater," said Melissa, who said she loved her son "unequivocally." But the DHS is wiping its hands clean."A parent is a parent," Karen Poteet, who runs the state's post-adoption program, told ABC News . "It doesn't matter where the child came from."The Wescotts have joined a group that is currently lobbying the state to allow custody of foster children to be returned to the state in special circumstances.The US Department of Health and Human Services estimates that in 2008 , there were 123,000 foster children waiting to be adopted.

 

roshybride

That's such a hard situation.  My aunt and uncle used to foster care for mentally and physically disabled children (and adults) whose familys were unable to deal with their special needs. It is easy to judge, but honestly, I don't know if I could deal with it. I'm having enough problems with my 2.5 year old and his terrible twos!

Mrs.EliK

Wow that is really difficult.  Poor kid, he has probably been tossed around a lot in his life.  I can't imagine the transition he is going through being adopted at 11.

However, I feel bad for the adopted parents if they adopted a child who they thought didn't have these issues and to now fear for their lives. 

It sounds like they were lied to and I wonder how much they were able to bond with the child prior to adoption.

It's a tough and sad situation.  I'm torn. 

BostonGayGal

The reality is that he probably will not be adopted.  He will (depending upon the outcome) be put into the permanent custody of the social service agency and live in a residential program or agency until his early 20's when he will either transition to independent living or to a mental hospital/group home.

Chances are he was robbed of the chance to have a decent life long before his parents adopted him.  

 

NavyClan

That is a horrible situation for all involved. I feel so bad for those parents-they must be so scared. But on the other hand, that boy has got to be going through so much, being mentally unstable like that and likely in and out of different homes his whole life. 

Melaneigh1

This really makes my heart ache.  I feel so terribly for all involved.  Was the boy just adopted at age 11?  I couldn't figure that out. 

Kris Luopa

Unfortunately we're dealing with something similar in our family right now.  My niece by marriage (16 in January) lives with her maternal grandparents (who are also her guardians).  Now that things have gotten hard, they are going to court this week to rescind their rights and send her into foster care.  Don't get me wrong, things ARE tough for them right now but returning a child?

weelass24

I know someone who has considered doing the same with one of their children.  Their youngest is a physical threat (at 7) to their severly hadicapped bio child.  They adopted from Russia and this is a HUGE problem with Russian adoptions.  The child is in in custody of the state, in a mental facility, and they are trying to get the child into the program on that ranch in Montana (I think that is where it is).

It is a terrible situation and heartbreaking for everyone.

buckin

Wow. That is terrible. I can't even imagine. I'm so torn on it but I can bet the ones actually involved are more torn.

blondnearby

IMO I think its not fair to the child.  What would happen if the parents had a biological severely handicaped child?  Would they give that child away too?  I am adopted and I was blessed with two special needs children.  Yes, days are difficult but they are still my children as would be the future children I hope to adopt if my current "life" situation ever changes.  While I do feel the state did mislead the family, I think the state should then be responsible for healthcare as well as other things necessary in regards to the wellbeing of the child.  But giving back the child?  I think thats a good way to encourage more psychologocal issues.  The child requires stability.  I also must state that if the child is already as mentally ill as he seems wouldnt he be spending the majority of his time institutionalized anyway?

Mrs_Liberto

Shame on DCS/DCFS/Child Services for not doing their due dilligence on this child's health history and putting everyone (the kid, the parents, etc) through this awful situation.

Kids with reactive attachment disorder are scary. It's like dealing with a loose canon or a mini sociopath at times.  That's not a "little mental health problem" that can be treated easily or quickly, but it is one that should have been diagnosed quite a while ago--typically it's one of the most severe mental health disorders a minor can be diagnosed with.

I'm not saying that  I condone what the parents want to do (especially legislation that makes it easier to return "difficult" kids to child services) but it's not like they are dealing with a kid who has "just" depression.

If they're afraid for their lives (and if the kid really has RAD, no doubt they are or have been in the past) then they're probably at the end of their rope and don't know what else to do.

My heart hurts for the whole family.