Stuck in the middle and sad

jensneb

We have been staying with my parents a few months while we're purchasing a home.  We will be moving into our new home in January but every since Olivia was born DH and my mom have been butting heads.  He is very protective over her and seems to hover when anyone else holds her. I am the exact opposite so its very obvious when he does it.  He will speak up if her head is not supported, etc.  I admit, he over does it.  He does the same thing to his mom too.  It's like he doesn't realize they raised 3 kids of their own just fine.

I've let it go b/c he's a new dad and if he's uncomfortable with something he should speak it.  But he's going overboard and now my mom doesn't even talk to him or interact with the baby around him.

I brought this up to him last night and he says he's not going to sit quiet if he feels his baby's safety is in danger (its usually not).

So my mom unleashes on me tonight (nobody else is home) about how DH doesn't respect them and he needs to stop hovering so much and I need to set him straight.  I have talked thoroughly about it with him. 

Well I lost it and started crying when she was talking to me tonight. I'm so tired on being in the middle and trying to defend everyone to each other.  I cry about it almost every night.  I hate it. 

We move out in January, but that's not the problem. I fear it'll still go on daily since my mom and sister will be our primary caregivers when I go back to work.

Any advice?

BostonGayGal

Oh ...... that must be hard.  I am so sorry you have to go though this.

Mrs_Liberto

This is not meant to be attacking you.

If your MOTHER has a problem with your HUSBAND, then SHE needs to address it with HIM. Tell her to be a grown up and fight her own battles. In no way should it be your job to relay messages between warring factions.

And, your DH needs to take a chill pill and put on a happy face for a few more weeks.

jensneb

Mrs_Liberto:

This is not meant to be attacking you.

If your MOTHER has a problem with your HUSBAND, then SHE needs to address it with HIM. Tell her to be a grown up and fight her own battles. In no way should it be your job to relay messages between warring factions.

And, your DH needs to take a chill pill and put on a happy face for a few more weeks.

This is exactly what I told her tonight.  She says she keeps her mouth shut for me and I told her I'd rather her just talk to him and keep me out of it.

akaluttenberger

Mrs_Liberto:

This is not meant to be attacking you.

If your MOTHER has a problem with your HUSBAND, then SHE needs to address it with HIM. Tell her to be a grown up and fight her own battles. In no way should it be your job to relay messages between warring factions.

And, your DH needs to take a chill pill and put on a happy face for a few more weeks.

This truly.  My only answer to my mother anymore about DH is- "talk to him about it." 

McLolly

I think you've received some excellent advice here, and I have none any better than this. But I'm sorry you're going through this- middle= crummy. 

sugarfingers

I totally understand!!! This kind of stuff happens all the time with my mom and my sister's family.  Telling my mom to talk to my BIL would not work.  She wouldn't do it and the problem would remain and everyone would be unhappy. 

I would just talk to you DH again and tell him to please relax a little since you're staying in their house.  (Tell him to do it for you because it's causing so much stress for you.)  HOPEFULLY once you all get a little space it won't be as bad and hopefully when your mom and SIL are taking care of Olivia your husband won't be around watching.  GL!!