On some of the other boards

skittles_123

I am not for sure how I should be handling this, and I need your thoughts. I hang out sometimes on the toddlers 12-24 mo (because of my dd). On occasion there are posters that are concerned about their kids development and if it is appropriate. Sometimes the replies are dead on correct, and the poster is just being overly paranoid. But, other times, I see some red flags that I too saw with my ds at the toddler age. I did the same thing when ds was a toddler, I posted and all the replies I got were, "oh kids all develop at their own pace, you shouldn't compare."

I do feel somewhat resentful of that, I wish someone had been more straight and up front with me. I am not going to blame that group totally, I will always hold myself somewhat accountable for not trusting my own mommy intuition, you know? But, when I see those posts and a red flag pops up to me, I tell them. I don't say, "hey your dc has autism," but I do give them my story and ask more questions to them to help them identify if this is really a big issue or not. I want to give answers that I wish I was given at that age and I don't want to see kids fall through the cracks. Am I doing the right thing? What are your thoughts?

hopanka

If you truly see red flags, I would gently explain to her what you think and point her in the appropriate direction of evals and such...but only as a PM.

Replying publicly to her post could be sort of insensitive IMO and it could make the mom get defensive/embarassed/attacked...who knows.

meggiekins

I hope it's ok if I reply to this. I do not have a child with special needs, but I have been (and still am) concerned with delays in my DD's gross motor development. If someone has insight or advice, I appreciate the honest feedback. I do think it might be better in a PM, but I think it's great to hear other people's experiences. I know it's not quite the same thing as what you're talking about, but I thought I'd give my perspective anyway.

breezy0629

I am on a local board. If someone posts a CONCERN about development and that is the whole point of their post... I always read w/ my experiential glasses on and reply encouraging them to further investigate their concerns (if it throws red flags up to me). I try to ONLY talk about EI and the fact that if they are that concerned now, they will probably not stop thinking about it until they invite a professional in to take a look anyway.AND the whole cost factor.... it'd be much 'cheaper' to investigate now rather than waiting until just after they turn 3. There's not a lot to lose by having an eval to put concerns to rest or work. Especially given the play atmosphere in the evals (assuming they are under 3). 

More times than not, I read and skip on by because a lot of mom's do overthink b/c it's all over the media to WORRY incessantly.

 I try to remember my benchmark...... Frequency, Duration, Intensity.... when I am reading a post... if it's really tiny miniature delays.... I feel underqualifed to respond. As with medical issues.... if I haven't dealt with it, I skip on by. 

HTH 

futrkingsley

I'm brand new to this arena.  I posted several times on my local board about DS and his complete lack of speech.  I was given platitudes by virtually all the other moms, as were several other moms of kids who weren't talking.

I finally put my big girl panties on and called EI anyway.  Sure enough, DS has an expressive language delay (he's almost 18 months and tested at the 10 month level for expressive language).  He qualified for services and will start weekly speech therapy in January. 

Other moms want everyone to be okay.  They want everyone to be normal.  They want everyone to grow and develop at their own pace because then they don't have to worry about their own kid.  But sometimes it doesn't happen without help. 

In the few weeks that since DS' evaluation, several moms on the national boards have asked questions similar to ones I asked about DS.  They got all the normal answers.  Except that I chimed in to say, yeah, you might want to call the pedi or EI to get a second opinion.  It does not hurt anyone to follow up on a concern about your child.  It doesn't damage them and it doesn't damage the people who do the evaluation.

EnglishMajor03

I think you did the right thing.  In fact, on the SAHM board, a woman posted about her 3 yo not eating all day and struggling for an hour to get him to eat anything at night.  Lots of responses were "he'll eat when he's hungry" but this is not always true, as many of us here know all too well. 

I listed out a bunch of questions she needed to ask herself about his eating habits now and when he was a baby.  At the very least I told her to mention it to her pedi.  I think it's helpful for people to share experiences in an honest manner, but obviously not to freak them out.

EnglishMajor03

-auntie-:

 

Long answerYeah, it's a tough to read those posts and tougher to make the call on what- if anything- you need to say. Especially when autism has become the boogie man under the bed and the other posters don't know jackshit about it. Especially when they rule out autism using traits that don't rule out autism- like speech, sense of humor, attatchment to parents or eye contact because they think autism = Rainman.

Especially given the structure of autism services in the U.S. where EI fades at 3 and the school district takes over. Those {{{cyber hugs}}} and "aw, gee hon, it'll be OK" are damaging if they allow a mom to wallow one extra minute in denial while her child goes underserved. Pisses me off. My questions about DS went unanswered and he didn't get a dx until he was nearly 7. There's a lot of support he didn't get because he aged out of it.

My advice is always for a mom to trust her gut. Seek the professional help. Not that that worked in our situation, but times were different then. My child is dx'd with a condition that wasn't even in the DSM when he was born. Small wonder his pedis and preschool teachers didn't see anything other than a bright, articulate little boy who really loves trains.

The first person who used the term "autism" and "DS" in the same sentense was his preschool swimming teacher- a 17 year old boy who worked summers at an Easter Seals Camp teaching autists to swim. He described DS as "sort of like the kids at camp but he's way smarter and can talk".

IRL, I have led moms to the professionals in the local medical and school communities that I know would recognize autism if they saw it and would help the family get the help they needed. I've done this 3 times and I have come away with 2 Aspergers and 1 PDD-nos. (In one case I gave the SLP a heads up because the boy was older and more subtle. He was 13 and had just been a bar mitzvah. His centerpieces were Harry Potter themed- twigs with owls roosting in them done by the coolest florist in town. He refused to follow the usual protocol of giving them away as gifts and insisted on bringing all 15 home with him. What a tool. The mom was sort of embarassed by his shortcomings and was not a good reporter, so I tipped the SLP off)

I've been on the other side too. Not long after DS was dx'd the librarian at our tiny village library was watching us interact. Finally she could stand it no more and blurted out "Have you ever heard of Aspergers Disorder?" I smiled and explained that DS had recently been dx'd. She shared that she'd been watching him weekly and didn't know how to approach me. LOL, when you live with it, you tend to see it everywhere.

A while back I posted about having concerns here about a certain kid on one of the boards. His proud mama's descriptions of his behavior and the strange grimace he has as a smile in every picture are very AS-ish. I'd bet the rent, but she's not asking so I'm not telling. As a parent of an older kid, this child's poor social smile screams at me. I have a wallful of portraits of my own son trying to compose his face into a smile that look almost identical. I always warn DS not to pose for pictures because he always comes out looking "speshull"- his word not mine. I'm all about the candids. My avatar is a picture taken when I asked him to imitate Tom Cruise in Top Gun. He's a pretty good mimick. He does a spot on impersonation of his psych that is the hit of the "trains & natural disasters" lunch table at the high school and the psych's own grown daughters.

Short answer.

As the lol cats say sensitivity, ur doin it rite akshully

Disclaimer, Auntie has had recent surgery for a septic foot/foreign body earlier this weak and is sort of loopy from the meds she's taking. Opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of a rational woman.

Hope you are feeling better soon!!