Girls at work have me constantly doubting my parenting

sunandsand

Seriously, I know the comments are unavoidable but how do you shrug off the constantly negative comments you get?

Just TODAY I got the following gems...

-I can't believe you aren't feeding him rice cereal yet. But I guess thats ok because your baby is so huge. wow, its like 2 insults

-Why do you put your kid to sleep so early? That means you can't ever go out anywhere. When my kids were babies they slept anywhere. How do you ever go out?Thats awesome for you but my kiddo is the crankiest kid alive if he's up past 730pm. So we dont go out unless we have a sitter. It sucks but right now its necessary

- You shouldnt rock/feed him to sleep (again with this??) You are setting yourself up for failure. I did that with my son and at 3 years old he still wanted to be rocked to sleep. I finally told him Enough and that night he cried until dawn How sad for your child.

And finally, my own personal favorite...

-Sounds like he's got you two trained! Yes, he's 3 months old, do you suggest we train him instead??

On the one hand I just smile and agree but I'm also a little ticked...mostly because I doubt myself and I hate feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

I guess this is more of a vent...

goodheartedmommy

Hate to break it to you, but there will always be someone there telling you you're doing things wrong. Try to remember you're doing what you think is best for your child, and you're the one raising him. It's hard to not doubt yourself, but hopefully you'll be able to be a bit more confident in your decisions as a mother as time goes on. I think that's definitely something that takes time for everyone. Just tell people that your parenting decisions are not up for discussion unless you ask for advice.

irisheyes2005

I can totally relate.  Just smile and nod.  Inside your mind tell them to pi** off!!  You do what works for you.  And...crying 'til dawn...I agree.  The poor thing!!

ridesbuttons

First of all, some people are jerks (and these sound like class A jerks).  It is like they need to knock others over to feel better about themselves.

Second of all, who really cares what they think.  Do they know you or your child?  Do they think all children are cut from the exact same mould ready to start cereal, sleeping by themselves or staying up to 'x' hour all at the same time?

Third of all, tell them to rub salt. 

JOEBunny

I think a lot of times people are just expressing interest, not trying to slam your parenting.  Telling what worked for them, even if it is "old school" is just their way of trying to bond or help out.  I think part of the learning curve on being a parent is finding out that there is no "right" way and what works for one child might cause the another fits. Even the friends that you agree with on everything else will do some things differently.

I think most people are really happy that we are happy with our kids and they are happy and growing and don't really care if they go to bed at 7 or 11.  

Oh, and my kids totally have me trained.  

lsufan

Wow.  That sounds really frustrating, but you should not doubt yourself based on comments like those.  Sounds like you know what you're doing.

sunandsand

Thanks ladies..sounds like I need to grow a pair!

becoming_untied

Sounds like you need to not talk specifics about anything parenting related for a while.  Those comments would annoy thecrap out of me!!!!  Sorry you are dealing with such twits - and some just common crap that gets annoying after awhile.

muchlove

I can relate to this. It's really annoying and you really do kind of have to grow a pair!  When I had DC 1 I guess I was kind of insecure about what I was doing-especially since DD was a little "high maintenance" and I always felt like her crabbiness was a clear sign I was doing something wrong. So I was uber-sensitive to people's comments and opinions of me.  And there are some people who just prey on these insecurities. I have an Aunt and a coworker who are stellar at this. Now with DC #2, I am still a little sensitive about certain things, but for the most part I cuold care less what anyone thinks of me or how I do things.

2 things made me feel better about unsolicited advice and judgy-ness:

1) I tried to remember that the reason I am sensitive to it is because I really am not sure if what I am doing is right *all* of the time.  For some reason this makes me feel better to just admit it.

2) I realized that when you make different parenting decisions than someone else, it make them feel like you are judging them ons some level. Breastfeeding is often an example of this. I think alot of people who give me flack about BFing think that I am judging the fact that they didn't BF at all or for very long, etc. And, to be fair, they are a little bit right, I usually am curious why people don't try to initiate or continue BFing.  However I would never be so rude to openly challenge someone who didn't choose to BF and would never want to make someone feel bad about my difference of opinion.

Anyway, you're just getting your Mommy-legs. When yo uare at work try not to seem like you are asking for much advice. Be a little bland and generic when you talk about what your baby is up to. And when they give advice anyway, say "Maybe your right. I'll have to think about if that is what I want to do".

GL