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2nd Trimester
for all the military wives :)
I posted this when I was over on 1st Trimester, but decided to post here now that I'm here 
)
What NOT to say to Military Wives
1. ?Aren?t you afraid that he?ll be killed??
This one ranks in at number one on the ?duh? list. Of course we?re
afraid. We?re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our
minds ?but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front.
Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they?re scared of
dying.
2. ?I don?t know how you manage. I don?t think I could do it.
This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little
annoying. Here?s why: it?s not like all of us military wives have been
dreaming since childhood of the day we?d get to be anxious single moms
who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We?re
not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just
got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and
found the strength to make sacrifices.
3. ?At least he?s not in Iraq.
Don't assume just because he's not in Iraq means that where he is is better. He's gone...not here. That's all that matters.
4. ?Do you think he?ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birt
hday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc??
Don?t you watch the news? No! They don?t get to come home for any of these things. Please don?t ask again.
5. ?What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he?s gone??
Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there?s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don?t get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.
6. ?How much longer does he have until he can get out??
This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren?t counting down the days until they ?can? get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.
7. ?This deployment shouldn?t be so bad, now that you?re used to it.
?
Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you?ve gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets ?easy? and the bullets and bombs don?t skip over our guys just because they?ve been there before. The worry never goes away.
8. ?My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you?re going through.
This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband?s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.
9. ?Wow you must miss him??
This one also gets another big ?duh?. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they?re now divorced.
10. ?Where is he exactly? Where is that??
I don?t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it?s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they?re on the news every night and in the papers every day ?and on maps everywhere.
11. ?Well, he signed up for it, so it?s his own fault whatever happens over there.
Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn?t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that ?You?re welcome.? He?s still fighting for your freedom.
12. ?Don?t you miss sex! I couldn?t do it!?
hmmm, no i don?t miss sex. i?m a robot. seriously?military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn?t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.
13. ?Well in my opinion?..?
Stop right there. I didn?t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I?m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we?re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.
last but not least?.
14. ?OH, that?s horrible?I?m so sorry!?
He?s doing his job and he?s tough. Don?t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.
If you want to say anything, say THANK YOU.
Don?t you watch the news? No! They don?t get to come home for any of these things. Please don?t ask again.
5. ?What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he?s gone??
Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there?s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don?t get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.
6. ?How much longer does he have until he can get out??
This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren?t counting down the days until they ?can? get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.
7. ?This deployment shouldn?t be so bad, now that you?re used to it.
?
Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you?ve gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets ?easy? and the bullets and bombs don?t skip over our guys just because they?ve been there before. The worry never goes away.
8. ?My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you?re going through.
This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband?s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.
9. ?Wow you must miss him??
This one also gets another big ?duh?. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they?re now divorced.
10. ?Where is he exactly? Where is that??
I don?t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it?s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they?re on the news every night and in the papers every day ?and on maps everywhere.
11. ?Well, he signed up for it, so it?s his own fault whatever happens over there.
Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn?t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that ?You?re welcome.? He?s still fighting for your freedom.
12. ?Don?t you miss sex! I couldn?t do it!?
hmmm, no i don?t miss sex. i?m a robot. seriously?military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn?t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.
13. ?Well in my opinion?..?
Stop right there. I didn?t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I?m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we?re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.
last but not least?.
14. ?OH, that?s horrible?I?m so sorry!?
He?s doing his job and he?s tough. Don?t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.
If you want to say anything, say THANK YOU.
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Re: for all the military wives :)
this is slighty aggressive/offensive. You are expecting everyone to be thankful your husband is in the military fighting for our country.
What about the people who don't believe in war? The contientious objectors? The peace churches? I understand this post was meant to be a way to stop people from offending military wives but people can have their opinion and I sure wouldn't be saying Thank you.
I am a Navy wife trust me it has nothing to do with the war but how MILITARY WIVES feel. You may think it's slightly aggressive/offensive but you honestly have no clue how offensive it is to get some of those questions when your husband is sacrificing their LIVES for others to not be thankful for what they are doing.
She was posting this for the military wives please don't use this as a chance to debate the war or how you feel about the military. Love them or hate them that is fine and your choice but I will love my husband and brother and other military service members for what they sacrifice along with their families because until you have been in any of their shoes you honestly have no clue.
Also I just wanted to remind you that if you do not want to stand behind your troops you are MORE then welcome to stand in front of them.
Wow. Just, wow.
This has nothing to do with how you, or anyone else, feels about war, the military, or anything of the like. It's meant to be a) a mild comic relief for military spouses, and b) a PSA to stop ignorant people from making such statements. You clearly fall into that category.
No one asked you to say thank you. I don't need your thanks to be proud of my husband, and he doesn't need your thanks to continue doing what he's doing. It's about not being ignorant or callous.
Thank you for posting this!
JoBieger05 - hello from Charleston AFB - we arent too far from eachother!
Thank you...
And thank you
I love my military family!
Wow! We aren't far from each other at all!
#2, #3 and #6 I think #2 is my number one though since no one has ever asked me #1... it really irks me when some one tells me #2... What do you mean you couldn't do it? If you love your husband and respect what he does what exactly can you NOT do?
thanks for posting this... it's nice to know there are a lot of other military wives on here
As sad as it is I actually saw a woman on here that said that she told her husband if he EVER joined she would leave him, that she would NOT sit around waiting for him or waiting to see if he died.
Exactly. I would go to the edge of the earth and back for my husband. I love him. And I love what he does. I tear up just thinking about it. And thinking about all the other soldiers, airmen, seamen, coasties...
There really are a lot of military wives on here and I love it
)
Wow...that is sad that she wouldn't support him for wanting to fight for his country. Being a military spouse isn't just about sitting around waiting for news that your husband is dead. It's about so much more. If she really and truly loved him she would have supported him...
I'm not married to anyone military but several of my BFFs are over there fighting. It honestly blows my mind at how those of you that deal with them beign gone have such a more level headed sense of normal than 99% of the world!
Thank you to all of your loved ones that fight! I couldn't do it, but I am so thankful for those that do!!
I love it that we've had a reply from a wife of nearly every branch
i should say that i couldn't do it in the sense of going to war, but i could most def stand up and support my husband if he chose to! i am so proud of each of the military men in my life! (still don't have any women in my life that are)
Thank you
) We have to be level headed. And we have to have a sense of normal. I love my life. And I wouldn't change it for anything. It's great 
)
I know! I think we're just missing a Marine's wife?
Oh I love this! It always makes me smile! And it is so true! #12 and # 13 get me the most.
I would get other military wives asking me how I could go that long without sex! Seriously! That's what toys are for
And # 13....I could care less about other peoples opinion of what my husband does. I don't go up to other people an give them my opinion of their husbands being bankers, or lawn mowers, or school bus drivers! Close your big fat mouth and keep it to yourself!
Hahahaha yup
How many of you ladies have a deployed DH for Christmas this year?
I do.
DH missed everything last year...Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, my birthday, Valentines, his birthday (well he didn't really miss that...but I did! haha) so yay for this year...
aubz2007: I am so sorry that your husband is deployed this year
if you ever need to talk/vent/anything just let me know 
Especially with LOs on the way. I am lucky enough to have my parents right down the road though. So I'm very blessed in that way. But, they're the only ones around.
Thank you
We arent very far away in due dates either!
You're welcome
is your husband going to be back in time for the birth? My DH and I were watching something on the military channel this morning and this father was just meeting his little girl for the first time (he'd been gone AWHILE) and she reached out to him and said "daddy" it was precious. I was crying and DH was looking at my like I was crazy. I can't help it lol.
I know! I can't wait to meet LO. Do you know what you're having yet?
HOOAH!
Ugh-- number 8 for me. When DH was in Iraq last year I had a "roommate" come live with me for her school year. Her boyfriend went on a business trip for three weeks during that time.
First of all, a boyfriend (in her case) is NOT the same thing as a DH. I'm used to living with mine day in day out, and she saw hers in the evenings and sometimes on the weekends for dates. My DH being gone affected almost every aspect of my life. As I'm sure you all can relate, we have to take care of everything at home whether it's been our job in the past or not and learn how to live alone without the family we've been used to.
She had the nerve to whine around to me about how much she missed BF and how I was "lucky because obviously I had gotten used to DH being gone." Apparently she concluded this based on the fact that I wasn't whining about it 24/7.
I think she meant it to help us bond, but at that moment, I could have throttled her. It also didn't help that our mutual friends would sympathize with her all the time in front of my face. They did that, of course, for me when DH first left, but it was like they all assumed I was over it after a month because I wasn't complaining-- ignorance.
I didn't want the attention. In fact, I wanted the opposite, but having the roommate there just made it all worse. I was so glad to get rid of her in the end-- she was inconsiderate in a lot of other ways, too.
Wow. Yeah, I would have wanted to throttle her too. Very much ignorance about them thinking you were over it. Let's see...deployments last 6-18 months typically. I cried non-stop for the first two days, but then I sucked it up and only had an occasional breakdown. It's not something that we "get over" after they've been gone awhile. They've never had to have that thought of "will my husband get shot at today?" "is he still alive?" "is he hurt?" "where is he?" when a person goes away on a business trip their SO knows where they are. How often do we know where our husbands are? I saw a post earlier that a wife hadn't talked to her husband in 53 days. I wrote DH a letter EVERYDAY last year while he was gone. And everyday I would run home and stand by the door waiting for the mail just praying that there was a letter for me. I still have every single letter that he wrote me. And read them pretty often even though I have him home with me. And that's something that only people who have been through this will every understand. I love my military family. I love knowing that you girls all understand.
LOL HOOAH!
LOL HOOAH!
"I know! I think we're just missing a Marine's wife?"
?
Marine wife here
And my bff is Navy.?
::MyBlog::
Yay! I believe we finally have all the branches. There was a coast guard post wasn't there? Or did I imagine it?
Very late to this but I'll post, too
I thoroughly enjoy this every time I come across it. Not because it's funny or kind of crass but because it's freaking TRUE. Every single thing on this list has been asked of or said to me. And now that I'm pregnant, I get the whole "What are you going to do after the baby is born?" Uhmm, I'm going to raise my child with my H when he's home, by myself when he's not and continue to support him no matter where he's at.
Some of the people who say these things are just plain ignorant but I think a lot of them just want to find some way to relate to you and just don't have any clue on what to say... I just let it all roll off my back now
I'm glad to see that there are so many other military moms out there.. We should start a group or check-in of sorts.
Coastie wife/soon-to-be-mama here. Semper Paratus