- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
3rd Trimester
Tell me I'm not the only one
I am so frustrated with DH. He doesn't understand why I don't want to call family to the hospital until after the baby is born. I have explained to him why I don't want people waiting in the waiting area. I want time after LO is born before everyone comes barging into the room. Not to mention I plan to try and nurse right away if possible.
I have also told him that after the baby is born, anyone that wants to come to the hospital to visit and meet the baby is more than welcome, but I want the first week we are home to be just us. No visitors. For just the first week. DH only gets a week off from work and I just want that time for us to bond as a family and start adjusting to having a baby in the house.
He just doesn't get it. I've tried explaining that I'll still be sore, bleeding and trying to learn how to BF, but he still thinks I'm just being selfish and a control freak. He says that I'm just trying to make every thing more complicated than it has to be and I should just 'go with the flow'.
Am I the only one that just wants a little space in the beginning? Am I wrong to ask this of people?
I really feel like he is more concerned with how every one else feels and not how I feel. I know that his Mom and mine both are going to want to be here to 'help' when we come home, but I don't want that right away. Both our families live close by, his closer than mine so they are likely to just show up and I'd like for him to be on the same page as me.
Right now I just feel like I am fighting a losing battle and the one person that should be 'on my team' is leaving me hanging.
Sorry for the rant.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Tell me I'm not the only one
No, I feel the same way and fortunately so does my H.
Are you taking any childbirth classes? I think it's been really useful for my H to learn about what goes on in L&D and the postpartum weeks so he will have some idea of what I'm going through physically and emotionally. That's probably the biggest benefit of the classes IMO.
Some men don't fully understand that. When DH spoke to Monster IL, she told him she was coming on the 18th...a week past my due date...and STAYING in our BASEMENT for a week, he said 'okay'. I said 'heck no'!!! He didn't understand why I didn't want his mother there so soon. I told him I wanted time to come home with LO and bond with him, just the 3 of us...no intruders! I told him he was supposed to speak to me, she doesn't make decisions for OUR household, WE do! He wasn't supportive at all, but eventually he just told her what I said.
Needless to say, his mom got upset, but I don't care!
Hang in there.
I feel the same way. I don't want people at the hospital waiting. I don't want to see anyone in the first 2-3 hours after birth, then I only want to see immediate family. I won't be publicly announcing his birth until the day we leave the hospital. I only want short visits from family in the first week home, no overnight guests, not even my mother.
I'm a private person. I think I'm going to kill my MIL...
I've told everyone that we'll let them know when I go into labor but not to come until we call. I don't want anyone there the first few hours. I want time for just the three of us to bond before people come in and start passing him around. Fortunately, everyone seems pretty okay so far except my BFF. It's weird. The one person I expected to be cool with whatever I wanted was totally offended that she couldn't come to the hospital right away.
You've got to put your foot down with DH. This is your baby and you've got to be comfortable with what's going on with him.
I'm a private person also. And I'm very independent. I think both of those qualities have a lot to do with my decisions. DH on the other hand is the exact opposite. He has always been more dependent and I think in his mind it will be easier for him if his Mom is here 'helping'.
I feel the same way. We never let anyone know until the baby is born, then we tell them an acceptable time to visit. DD was born late at night, so we asked people to wait till after noon the following day since it was a 34 1/2 hour induction and we were exhausted. DS was born in the morning, so we again asked people to wait till after noon (but the same day since I was only there for 24 hours that time). This time we are not allowing visitors at all because our kids can't visit. If our kids can't meet their sibling first, no one else gets to until we get home.
This is a situation you put your foot down. YOU are the one in labor. YOU are the one delivering a baby. YOU are the one doing the work. When it comes to labor and delivery, I'm sorry, but it's my call call, not DH's. However, I am lucky enough to have a DH that is on the same page and also agrees that woman in labor trumps husband.
I'm with you on the not calling anyone until the baby is born (my mom will be totally obnoxious and while I don't mind my MIL, my mom will make life a living nightmare if MIL is allowed anywhere near me), DH thinks I'm beyond nuts for that ("What, I'm not going to call my parents when we go to the hospital?!?"--I feel like saying "You didn't need to alert them the minute we made her!!")
On the other stuff-DH and I both agree we have strict rules on ANY visitation (hospital or at home). My mom is staying with us leading up to delivery bc DH works in midtown Manhattan and we're in central NJ (could be 2-3 hrs before he can get home bc of the holidays), but she will go home when we bring baby home and we will call for help/visitors as needed or wanted. As for hospital visitors we told everyone we want immediate family only (I really don't want a million visitors during cold/flu season and I don't want to have to worry about the state of my appearance post-baby). MIL is not happy about that but DH stuck to his guns about this