I Think I Lost Part of My Support System

CJ71903 · November 2009

Please tell me what you think: My SIL, who had told us that she thought we should do everything in our power to have our own, biological baby, told me the other night that my husband and I should really think it through before we do IVF (this is what our RE is recommending at this point and we're going to do it) because we "will have to live with our decision for the rest of our lives." She also said that we "wouldn't want to regret our decision later." To each their own, but my husband and I have decided from the beginning that if it took IVF to get me pregnant with our biological baby, then that is what we would do. I don't see anything morally wrong with IVF and I think that is what she's trying to get at. Maybe I'm being too sensitive - it's quite possible considering the week that I had last week, but I'm considering not talking to her about this anymore. What do you think?

Melicakes · November 2009

Is she educated on IVF ? Maybe she has some kind of misunderstanding about it and how the eggs are retrieved and fertilized before being placed back in you.

I'm not sure what decision you could be regretting ?

Unfortunately sometimes when people talk sh!t about things, its because that's all they can do since they're not educated on the subject.

If it makes you feel better though, don't bring it up with her anymore.

But if she keeps pressing tell her it's between you and dh and you'll ask for her opinion when you want to hear it.

alicakes33 · November 2009

I'm so sorry she's making you feel this way. FIL told DH that "IVF is against the Catholic Church...Just remember that" when he told him we were having difficulty. Thank goodness he didn't say it to me. I would have flipped.

Just keep reminding yourself that what you and DH have decided is right for you and try not to let the negative statements affect you.

snikomco · November 2009

Everyone seems to have an opinion about IVF. This is why I do not discuss it w/ anyone really. My family doesn't know that DH and I are wanting to start IVF in January and at this point I really don't want to share all that information.

I did tell my family early on that we would consider IVF (of course I got all their opinions at that time). I told them that if we didn't try IVF we may regret that for the rest of our lives, wondering "What if..."

You and your DH need to do what is best for you. Your SIL shouldn't "offer" her opinion in the first place.

susan1017 · November 2009

Does she think all IVF is DE or DS??

I would try to find out her objections. Not that her reasons or objections matter to you but it might give you more information on her motives and if this is someone you would continue to seek support. If she is just spouting off about her own agenda then I wouldn't talk to her about it anymore.

Yellow_Daisy · November 2009

Those are very strange comments. Why would you regret it later or have problems living with your decision? Very odd.

I am sorry she isn't being very supportive but if it were me I wouldn't want someone around me that didn't support my decisions. I wish I had some advice but it sounds like she has something against IVF and while it could just be ignorance (that's my guess) she probably has made up her mind for one reason or another and will not support your decision. I would not talk to her about it anymore and just do what you need to do to have a baby. IF is so stressful on its own without having to worry about other peoples hang ups.

AmberZ2be · November 2009

Melicakes:

Is she educated on IVF ? Maybe she has some kind of misunderstanding about it and how the eggs are retrieved and fertilized before being placed back in you.

I'm not sure what decision you could be regretting ?

Unfortunately sometimes when people talk sh!t about things, its because that's all they can do since they're not educated on the subject.

If it makes you feel better though, don't bring it up with her anymore.

But if she keeps pressing tell her it's between you and dh and you'll ask for her opinion when you want to hear it.

I agree! And, I think she was out of line for saying it.

babydontforget · November 2009

Support system? It hardly sounds like this woman is supportive. I recognize that she may have very strong opinions about the ethical implications of IVF, but the only opinions that are relevant to your reproductive choices are YOURS. I think your instinct to put some distance between her opinions and your choices is a very good one, and if it means spending less (or no) time with her, so be it.

CJ71903 · November 2009

Thank you so much for your supportive responses! I feel like such an IDIOT for ever thinking that I could talk to anyone about this. Hardly anyone knows and that's how I was going to keep it - I thought she was supportive, guess not. I regret telling her any of this. I'm going to talk to my husband tonight and tell her that I do not want to talk to her about this anymore. She had also said that she wondered if our ability to do IVF was a blessing or a curse. Are you flippin' kidding me? I guess I consider it a blessing. I didn't even know what to say so I didn't say much at all. She probably thinks I agree with her. For some reason, it really bothers me that she said this, even though I know that I shouldn't care.

Echloe · November 2009

I think she should mind her own business. You don't need "support" like that. I'm sure that once you are pregnant she won't even think about the fact that the baby is from IVF.

fivetenish · November 2009

I'm amazed how some people can be so insensitive. It's so easy to have an opinion about something when it doesn't affect you at all. I wonder if your SIL opinion would change if she were in the same situation you were in?

wiscgirl95 · November 2009

You have to do what's right for you and your DH. People are entitled to their opinions, but since hers is one that may not have been made with your best intentions in mind or without all the information, I would confront her on it and ask how she thinks that's being supportive? Maybe (like pp's have pointed out) she doesn't have all the info or forgot that this is about you and your DH. I'm sorry. ((HUGS))

patchen30 · November 2009

She sounds like a piece of work. What's her aversion to it about - religious? I'm not going to slam someone's religious beliefs but apart from that she obviously doesn't have the ability to mine her own business and respect someone else's decisions. Just try and brush it off, and don't talk to her about this again. I'm sorry. I think it's a huge blessing to be able to do IVF.