North Carolina Babies

That makes 2 years in a row...

...where my ILs haven't sent Kira a birthday gift, nor even made mention of it (yet).

WTF.

I know FIL had testing done last week, but we've had at least once daily conversations with them and they haven't said anything about her birthday.  If you recall, this is the same woman who called every month on the 22nd for Kira's first year to wish her happy X month birthday...she'd visit Kira every week if she could.  DH is her only child and thus Kira is her baby's baby and she acts like it.

So why no birthday gift?

My parents and then my grandmother sent her something two weeks ago and my sister sent her something earlier this week.

No mail tomorrow, so I guess I was naive to think something may to come this week or today.

WTF.

Pardon my totally insensitive and selfish vent.  I don't want her birthday to be missed every year; she gets screwed enough with so many people out of town and with it so close to Christmas.  Thank goodness she doesn't know any better yet.

Pregnant with #1 with PCOS and LPD, success with mostly naturopathic treatments
Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07

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Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
Our early Christmas present 12/9/10

Re: That makes 2 years in a row...

  • That is just so weird.  Not even a card?  So weird.

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  • imagemrsmikey:

    That is just so weird.  Not even a card?  So weird.

    Nope. :(

    Thanks for understanding and not calling me obnoxious. ;)  I can't tell DH because he's still worried about his Dad.  (FIL's testing came back fine, BTW -- thanks for everyone's good thoughts last week.)  But I did tell DH I was hurt last year.

    If anything, I would have guessed that MIL would put more thought into it than my family (she buys DH gifts every year for his birthday and he's 36!), but my mom asked me a month ago about it.  I just would *never* have guessed that she'd miss Kira's birthday...TWICE.

    When she calls tomorrow, I'll just want to say, "WTF?," you know?  I'm sure she won't miss calling on Kira's birthday, but I still don't get the lack of thinking ahead and gift.  Hopefully DH won't hand me the phone!

    Pregnant with #1 with PCOS and LPD, success with mostly naturopathic treatments
    Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07

    imageimageimage

    Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
    Our early Christmas present 12/9/10
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  • I really bet MIL doesn't realize she's doing it.  She does nothing but want to spoil Kira (and DH) otherwise!  It's just bizarre, but I'm a b!tch if I say something, you know?  It just seems so obvious....and, well, considerate.

    If she insists on talking to me tomorrow, I'll just let her know that Kira's favorite part about her day was all of the gifts that she got to open. ;)

    Thank you for not all thinking I'm being selfish for focusing on the gift.  MIL adores her otherwise and I know that's a million times more impt.  It's just that for starters, there are things Kira really could use and that I would have mentioned to MIL had she asked, but then also the hurt feelings involved that you all are sweet to understand. :)

    Pregnant with #1 with PCOS and LPD, success with mostly naturopathic treatments
    Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07

    imageimageimage

    Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
    Our early Christmas present 12/9/10
  • Very odd.  Mine didn't send a card, gift or even email either, but when we went to visit them (nearly 3 months after her birthday!) they gave her a few things so I felt a little better.
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  • I do think that is VERY WEIRD and would probably make say something, but that's me. :) 

     

    imagealchris:

    I don't want her birthday to be missed every year; she gets screwed enough with so many people out of town and with it so close to Christmas.  Thank goodness she doesn't know any better yet.

    Although I agree with what you said about DH's parents (again...totally weird), I have to say the above statement bothers me. Please don't use a birthday near the holidays as an excuse. My birthday is Christmas Day (yes, December 25th) and I NEVER felt "screwed" even though we could obviously never have a party with my friends on my actual birthday (or even close usually b/c of the holidays). My mom made an extra effort to make my birthday special (of course she did the same for my brothers too) - it's all in what you make of it. In fact, it's always been made such a big deal that in the last few years I've had to ask that it be toned down a bit. I mean I'm about to be 27 - we don't have to have a family party just for me on Christmas Day anymore. It's actually a bit embarrassing to get all that attention on such an important day that does not revolve around my existence.

    I'm not trying to flame you at all, just wanting to point out that a lot of times it's all about going in with the right attitude.

  • Thank for your nice words, everyone.

    BackthePack, I just mean that her birthday has the potential to be forgotten without my strongly advocating (and sometimes even with it, as seems to be happening).  I think we may kind of be saying the same thing -- I want her to have a special birthday and not have it be looked over just because Christmas is a full 5 weeks later. 

    I feel like I'm the only one advocating for it being her special day to celebrate (whenever we celebrate as we'll usually have to adjust the day).  DH gets it, but he wouldn't say anything -- last year he just figured his mom would give Kira something late, and this year I'm feeling alone because DH's feelings would get hurt...since he's feeling even more defensive of his parents than usual given his dad's health concern last week. 

    My mom wanted to combine Kira's gifts this year and I requested that she not with a long explanation, and I said the same last year to her.  I'll probably have to do it again next year.

    I'm sensitive to people being out of town because so few people were ever in town for my birthday -- I was lucky to get half of my friends for my birthday parties growing up with my end of July birthday, even if I had the party up to 2-3 weeks before or after.

    Her 5th birthday will be on Thanksgiving again and you better bet that I'll be sure she gets a birthday cake on top of it all, you know?  A party with friends will be on a different day, but we're usually with family on Thanksgiving, and she'll get cake if she wants it, darn it. ;)

    I'm just grateful that she doesn't notice others' (well, ILs') indifference in the gift department.  Hopefully by next year they will step it up...but I don't think it should take my being a broken record about it to our families.  MIL would NEVER have let DH's birthday be secondary -- I've seen photos of the cakes she used to make him, and she doesn't bake, LOL. 

    DH and I have been very positive about everything we're doing this weekend to make her feel special...I was just feeling sad about the missing gift after I put her down for her nap today which is when I typed the OP, and I didn't want to tell DH why I was moping as he is sensitive right now, but we'll be nothing but smiles all day tomorrow.  We're having a full weekend of celebration as you know, including the GSO CM tomorrow, so she'll have a ton of fun, just one missing gift that mainly *I'll* notice since she'll have about 10 others to open, no doubt many more than she'll get on or around Dec. 25th! :)

    Hopefully she'll always feel like you always have...nothing but fully loved, and knowing that her Mommy went out of her way to make it a big deal. :)  Am I making sense? :)

    Pregnant with #1 with PCOS and LPD, success with mostly naturopathic treatments
    Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07

    imageimageimage

    Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
    Our early Christmas present 12/9/10
  • I don't think you're being selfish at all, I think sometimes we just have to remind people about things.  Grandparents love their grand babies, but can easily forget what its like to have a toddler and how they will react to things.  I fighting a battle for the girls this year, that makes me feel ridiculous, but I'm fighting it for their sake.  People have gotten in the habit of buying 1 gift and giving it to both girls.  Which I really don't mind, because usually they get a nicer gift then if they had bought 2 gifts.  But, I keep trying to tell people that this year to please get 2 separate gifts, even if they are not as nice of gifts.  I hate having to ask people this, because I feel like it brings too much focus on gifts and thats not what I'm trying to do.  But, the girls are too young to understand that they're probably getting a nicer gift, they just see that they're having to share a present, but Jeremiah is getting his own present.  But, it does frustrate me that people think they can just give them one gift because they're twins...that does NOT make them ONE person.

    Anyway, sorry to have my own little vent in your post.  I think when your MIL calls I would only mention something if she brings it up.  Give it one more year, and I guarantee you won't have to say anything about it...my girls ASKED for their presents this year.  And not because we make a big deal about gifts, but because Nana/Poppa gave them gifts, so when they saw Pappy/Grandma they said "Me want birthday present" and then same thing when we saw Granny K/Papa Gene.  I was actually embarrassed by that, but what can we expect when they have 4 birthday celebrations instead of just 1 party.  So, if you just let it pass this year, by next year Kiera will handle that conversation for you ;) 

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  • I completely understand about the holiday thing. My birthday is always around Thanksgiving, sometimes even on Thanksgiving. I know it is not a big of a holiday as Christmas, but my birthday did get overshadowed by the holiday a lot. Not by my parents, but when I was younger, by friends, school, etc. I hated it. I think it is great you are going out of your way to make Kira's birthday special and I would not feel bad about telling your family. I am sorry your IL's did not do or say anything for Kira's birthday ;(
  • Thanks, everyone. :)

    I was never planning on saying something to MIL; my "favorite part of the day" idea was said tongue in cheek above.  It would have been a good answer had she asked though!  It turned out that she didn't even ask to talk to me so I was off the hook. :)  As I said, I haven't even said something to DH given the timing, and I usually tell him *everything,* so I wasn't about to say something to MIL!

    We did get a card form them, but there was no mention of a gift in it.  We'll see them on Wednesday and I'm not looking forward to it. :(  (Not to mention what started out as a 3 day visit is now 5.)

    Thanks again for listening to my vent.  I wish I weren't as hurt as I am, but getting it off my chest did help, so thank you. :)

    Pregnant with #1 with PCOS and LPD, success with mostly naturopathic treatments
    Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07

    imageimageimage

    Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
    Our early Christmas present 12/9/10
  • That's just the strangest thing!  I would probably speak before I think and say something like, "DD would love a ______ for her birthday unless you got her something else!"  That's probably inappropriate though Stick out tongue
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