2nd Trimester
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Are there things you feel you can't share with SO?

Do you ladies ever experience feelings or thoughts that you feel uncomfortable sharing with your SO?

I'm not talking about the fact that you had a sex dream about Tarzan or something (but if that's one of them, I feel ya, I have some dreams I refuse to discuss with Bun)... but, do you ever feel like there are certain fears or anxieties you can't discuss with DH?

 

I am a pretty anxious person (as we have discussed) and Bun is too. Only, I am anxious in a pretty outward way (panic attacks, tears, and talking like a crazy person) and he is inwardly (like.. he has an ulcer. And he completely shuts down when he's stressed and won't let me in). So, when I'm feeling especially like I'm drowning or something... it's very difficult for me to discuss with him, because I'm afraid to make him worry and stress even more, and cut himself off from me. Does that make sense?

Anybody else feel like this? Or, not to this extent, but hide little secret things away from DH just because it's easier than sharing?

Re: Are there things you feel you can't share with SO?

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    Need I remind you of the conversation you and I had yesterday?  yea.
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    I don't feel that I can share cookies or other sweets with DH. He thinks otherwise.

    ?

    ?

    Okay, now I'm going back to reread your post so I can really answer this. But... my above statement is true.

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    I have severe anxiety and panic attacks. My DH does not understand what I am going through most of the time so I keep them to myself. However, there are times when I have had bad melt downs and they come out. He gets scared and does not know what to do. Almost put me in the looney bin type of meltdowns....
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    I think what you're going through makes perfect sense. I can't say that I go through it necessarily because DH totally has this whole "caring for an infant" thing handled. Both sexes in fact. My anxieties are purely on my capabilities and/or if it will be something I can handle. DH has been there. I also SUCK at holding things back from him, so he just sees right through me.?
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    I honestly feel I can tell dh anything but I TOTALLY understand you on the dh not sharing part. He shuts down big time with his feeling and it makes me feel almost like he just doesn't care sometimes. I know he does but I always tell him he is not good at showing that to me. Also he say's he doesn't want to "worry" me more but I try to remind him I am a big girl and a marriage is about support from both sides I can't help him unless he lets me. I don't know a good way to help honestly because this is something we are constantly working on. All I can say is to talk to him about how he keeps his emotions bottled up and how it affects you.
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    I can't think of anything emotions-wise I can't share with him. I, for the most part, can't get him to relate or converse about said emotions, but that certainly doesn't stop me from trying. Don't worry though, after 4 years I still think I'm too 'cute' to fart in front of him.
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    imagesassafras007:
    Almost put me in the looney bin type of meltdowns....

    Here's a Secret:

    A couple of years ago (pre-Medicated Anne) I had a complete meltdown at home. Out of nowhere. I sat down in the bathroom with a bucket of bleach and scrubbed the same exact tile on the wall for five hours. My hands cracked and bled and I didn't even notice. It was awful. When I finally "snapped out of it", Bun was standing in the doorway yelling at me, my best friend had been on the phone with my grandmother for over an hour, and all the enamel on the tile was gone.

    Since then, I try to keep this sh!t to myself. But sometimes it's hard to hide the fact that you just don't feel great.

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    DH tends to over-react in many situations, so I tend to not tell him things that I know might get him worked up.  Could be anything from pregnancy-related pain, to fears and anxieties I have about becoming parents. 
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    Shorty, I am totally there with ya.

    Even though Bun has no kids, I have no doubt that he will be an AWESOME dad. He'll do whatever needs to be done.

    Me? No. I have no clue. Every time I think about being a mom, I feel like a selfish, irresponsible failure. It's really awful. I know it's just insecurity but it makes me feel sh!tty.

    Sometimes I think it's my age.. but I know tons of women who are/were younger than I will be when they became moms.. And they are fine. Sometimes I just think I'm defective.

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    imagenannyannie:

    imagesassafras007:
    Almost put me in the looney bin type of meltdowns....

    Here's a Secret:

    A couple of years ago (pre-Medicated Anne) I had a complete meltdown at home. Out of nowhere. I sat down in the bathroom with a bucket of bleach and scrubbed the same exact tile on the wall for five hours. My hands cracked and bled and I didn't even notice. It was awful. When I finally "snapped out of it", Bun was standing in the doorway yelling at me, my best friend had been on the phone with my grandmother for over an hour, and all the enamel on the tile was gone.

     

     

    You would have made my anxiety go bonkers... Smile

    When something is scratched or has an imprefection I either have to fix it or get rid of it. Most of this deals with my car and phone for some reason...

    However, I will throw things away if something is wrong with them.

    I am not sure what I am going to do if something is wrong with the baby. This is something I think about all the time....

    I have been in and our of therapy since the age of three....

     

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    I am embarrassed to poop in front of DH and share cookies!

    Sometimes DH and I lie to each other about money! It is something we've really had to seek counseling on and work on. We have separate accounts and he writes me checks when I need money but sometimes I have a hard time being honest with him about the money. We've gotten way better though. I just don't want him to ever be like where did that hundred I give you go etc. Does that make any sense?

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    imagesleepingbeauty825:
    I can't think of anything emotions-wise I can't share with him. I, for the most part, can't get him to relate or converse about said emotions, but that certainly doesn't stop me from trying. Don't worry though, after 4 years I still think I'm too 'cute' to fart in front of him.

    I couldn't have explained my emotional conversations with DH any better.

    I share most of my emotions with DH, I just don't get a ton of feedback. He's the type that the very few times he's ever made me cry he leaves because he can't deal with it. If someone else upsets me on the otherhand he's there for any comfort needed. He doesn't deal with "emotions" well at all. But Of course, being the female I am, I still really push him to try to talk about his "feelings" and what not. Sometimes I do break down and feel like Its not worth trying to share anything with him though when I can't get any kind of genuine response or acknowledgement.

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    imagemurfygirl:

    I just don't want him to ever be like where did that hundred I give you go etc. Does that make any sense?

    That TOTALLY makes sense to me. We have a problem with this too. I hide my spending from Bun sometimes... And it's totally a weird thing to do. I hate it, and I feel guilty, but then I do it anyway. It totally makes sense.

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    There is no one in this world that I could tell my innermost thoughts/feelings to. They would think I'm a complete lunatic. But I think everyone has weird/crazy thoughts, some things are just better left unsaid...

     

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    imagekristaeris:

    imagesleepingbeauty825:
    I, for the most part, can't get him to relate or converse about said emotions, but that certainly doesn't stop me from trying.

     Sometimes I do break down and feel like Its not worth trying to share anything with him though when I can't get any kind of genuine response or acknowledgement.

    I feel both of you on this. When I do get upset and try to share my emotions, Bun is like.. Eh.. Okay. Calm down. Take a shower. Dry it up. That sort of thing. It's a very guy-response. I have to constantly remind him that I am a girl and sometimes I need him to not fix it, but just listen and give me a hug. It's really hard for him though. :S

    I think this may be a topic of wives and girlfriends that is literally as old as relationships.

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    imagekristaeris:

    imagesleepingbeauty825:
    I can't think of anything emotions-wise I can't share with him. I, for the most part, can't get him to relate or converse about said emotions, but that certainly doesn't stop me from trying. Don't worry though, after 4 years I still think I'm too 'cute' to fart in front of him.

    I couldn't have explained my emotional conversations with DH any better.

    I share most of my emotions with DH, I just don't get a ton of feedback. He's the type that the very few times he's ever made me cry he leaves because he can't deal with it. If someone else upsets me on the otherhand he's there for any comfort needed. He doesn't deal with "emotions" well at all. But Of course, being the female I am, I still really push him to try to talk about his "feelings" and what not. Sometimes I do break down and feel like Its not worth trying to share anything with him though when I can't get any kind of genuine response or acknowledgement.

    I'm sorry to tell you that your husband is cheating on you. He is leading a double life, and is married to an expentant mother in Utah.
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    imagenannyannie:
    imagemurfygirl:

    I just don't want him to ever be like where did that hundred I give you go etc. Does that make any sense?

    That TOTALLY makes sense to me. We have a problem with this too. I hide my spending from Bun sometimes... And it's totally a weird thing to do. I hate it, and I feel guilty, but then I do it anyway. It totally makes sense.

    Not a flame, just encouragement...

    I hope both of you work on that. Money is one of the top things that breaks people up. DH and his XW had major money issues due to her spending and her hiding it. She even resorted to stealing checks. It was pretty bad. I know you guys are trying, just don't let it get out of hand. ((hugs))?

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    imagenannyannie:
    imagemurfygirl:

    I just don't want him to ever be like where did that hundred I give you go etc. Does that make any sense?

    That TOTALLY makes sense to me. We have a problem with this too. I hide my spending from Bun sometimes... And it's totally a weird thing to do. I hate it, and I feel guilty, but then I do it anyway. It totally makes sense.

    Its weird he has no issues with me spending money but sometimes he forgets how much life costs. It really is our only fight.

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    imageshortyred919:

    Not a flame, just encouragement...

    I hope both of you work on that. Money is one of the top things that breaks people up. DH and his XW had major money issues due to her spending and her hiding it. She even resorted to stealing checks. It was pretty bad. I know you guys are trying, just don't let it get out of hand. ((hugs)) 

    This is definitely something we've worked on a lot in the past couple of years. And you're right... We used to fight about Money constantly, and that's pretty much the only thing we've ever almost broken up over. It was scary and sad. We've been trying really hard since then. *hugs*

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    imageshortyred919:
    imagenannyannie:
    imagemurfygirl:

    I just don't want him to ever be like where did that hundred I give you go etc. Does that make any sense?

    That TOTALLY makes sense to me. We have a problem with this too. I hide my spending from Bun sometimes... And it's totally a weird thing to do. I hate it, and I feel guilty, but then I do it anyway. It totally makes sense.

    Not a flame, just encouragement...

    I hope both of you work on that. Money is one of the top things that breaks people up. DH and his XW had major money issues due to her spending and her hiding it. She even resorted to stealing checks. It was pretty bad. I know you guys are trying, just don't let it get out of hand. ((hugs)) 

    It is really hard and something we've tried to not ignore. The problem is we lived together but split the bills for a few years before marriage. This worked great for us we both made good money. When we got pregnant it suddenly looked like that wouldn't work. So we are adjusting

     

    I never hide my spending from him he knows where my money goes and vice versa. I am not a huge spender he just sometimes doesn't realize how fast money goes. We've both gotten better. I totally agree though money fights will DESTROY a marriage!

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    imagesleepingbeauty825:
    imagekristaeris:

    imagesleepingbeauty825:
    I can't think of anything emotions-wise I can't share with him. I, for the most part, can't get him to relate or converse about said emotions, but that certainly doesn't stop me from trying. Don't worry though, after 4 years I still think I'm too 'cute' to fart in front of him.

    I couldn't have explained my emotional conversations with DH any better.

    I share most of my emotions with DH, I just don't get a ton of feedback. He's the type that the very few times he's ever made me cry he leaves because he can't deal with it. If someone else upsets me on the otherhand he's there for any comfort needed. He doesn't deal with "emotions" well at all. But Of course, being the female I am, I still really push him to try to talk about his "feelings" and what not. Sometimes I do break down and feel like Its not worth trying to share anything with him though when I can't get any kind of genuine response or acknowledgement.

    I'm sorry to tell you that your husband is cheating on you. He is leading a double life, and is married to an expentant mother in Utah.

     

    Ahhh Man...I knew something was up when I read your post...

    This could possibly be true if I could ever get him to leave my side...To be so emotionless he's a clingy little man...

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    imagemurfygirl:
    imageshortyred919:
    imagenannyannie:
    imagemurfygirl:

    I just don't want him to ever be like where did that hundred I give you go etc. Does that make any sense?

    That TOTALLY makes sense to me. We have a problem with this too. I hide my spending from Bun sometimes... And it's totally a weird thing to do. I hate it, and I feel guilty, but then I do it anyway. It totally makes sense.

    Not a flame, just encouragement...

    I hope both of you work on that. Money is one of the top things that breaks people up. DH and his XW had major money issues due to her spending and her hiding it. She even resorted to stealing checks. It was pretty bad. I know you guys are trying, just don't let it get out of hand. ((hugs)) 

    It is really hard and something we've tried to not ignore. The problem is we lived together but split the bills for a few years before marriage. This worked great for us we both made good money. When we got pregnant it suddenly looked like that wouldn't work. So we are adjusting

     

    I never hide my spending from him he knows where my money goes and vice versa. I am not a huge spender he just sometimes doesn't realize how fast money goes. We've both gotten better. I totally agree though money fights will DESTROY a marriage!

    Just sharing what works for dh and I especially because we share his paycheck now. I personally pay all the bills and take out of each paycheck what we need for those bills. We have two checking accounts though one that I put all the bill money in and we do not touch that no matter what so we won't worry about being short on bills then all the rest goes into the other checking account I then sit down and tell him how much we have to work with until the next check.We both only have cards to the spending account.

    Also we both talk before any big purchases. I could just go and buy it and I know he wouldn't be upset but I do it just out of respect I guess  and vice versa and it makes it nice knowing we are both ok with it before hand. Again this is just what works for us. And honestly if he wanted more "control" over the money he totally could but he knows I am better about making sure everything is covered before hand.I know that having the two checking accounts has been great so were not constantly worrying or checking to make sure a bill went thru before we spend money. Just saying what works for us. Big Smile

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    I keep things to myself. My bf doesn't really get the depression thing. I was depressed before becoming pg and had to go off my antidepressants. When i try to tell him things and how i feel and stupid "neurotic" things- he tells me to "quit it" and "it is all in my head." So I just keep sh!t to myself...
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    imageanabell0920:
    imagemurfygirl:
    imageshortyred919:
    imagenannyannie:
    imagemurfygirl:

    I just don't want him to ever be like where did that hundred I give you go etc. Does that make any sense?

    That TOTALLY makes sense to me. We have a problem with this too. I hide my spending from Bun sometimes... And it's totally a weird thing to do. I hate it, and I feel guilty, but then I do it anyway. It totally makes sense.

    Not a flame, just encouragement...

    I hope both of you work on that. Money is one of the top things that breaks people up. DH and his XW had major money issues due to her spending and her hiding it. She even resorted to stealing checks. It was pretty bad. I know you guys are trying, just don't let it get out of hand. ((hugs)) 

    It is really hard and something we've tried to not ignore. The problem is we lived together but split the bills for a few years before marriage. This worked great for us we both made good money. When we got pregnant it suddenly looked like that wouldn't work. So we are adjusting

     

    I never hide my spending from him he knows where my money goes and vice versa. I am not a huge spender he just sometimes doesn't realize how fast money goes. We've both gotten better. I totally agree though money fights will DESTROY a marriage!

    Just sharing what works for dh and I especially because we share his paycheck now. I personally pay all the bills and take out of each paycheck what we need for those bills. We have two checking accounts though one that I put all the bill money in and we do not touch that no matter what so we won't worry about being short on bills then all the rest goes into the other checking account I then sit down and tell him how much we have to work with until the next check.We both only have cards to the spending account.

    Also we both talk before any big purchases. I could just go and buy it and I know he wouldn't be upset but I do it just out of respect I guess  and vice versa and it makes it nice knowing we are both ok with it before hand. Again this is just what works for us. And honestly if he wanted more "control" over the money he totally could but he knows I am better about making sure everything is covered before hand.I know that having the two checking accounts has been great so were not constantly worrying or checking to make sure a bill went thru before we spend money. Just saying what works for us. Big Smile

    I like that idea! I will have to share this with DH

    We never make big purchases without permission more than anything we are having to get used to just 1 income (I still work but am quitting when Silas gets here so we've started to just live off his) I think he has a hard time realizing how much it costs to keep our house running but he is doing better

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    Yah it was an adjustment especially because before we were not good with money and we had separate accounts but two paychecks so we could go back and forth you know? Now we only have his money and two pay dates a month. Also what I do is add up the bills for the month and then split them in half and take half out of the first paycheck and half out of the other even if some bills are due in the beginning of the month and some at the end. It took a month or so to catch up to this but after you do it's really nice because now each paycheck we have just about the same spending until the next payday. So it's not as stressful thinking oh with this paycheck we have to pay ALL of rent or whatever. Glad I could help if you have any questions just send me a message! It just has worked out really well for us and is WAY less stressful.
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    Im jumping in a little late but just in re: to previous posts, I have to say that MOST men are about as emotionally deep as my bathtub. They just DONT get it. Women do. That's why our girlfriends understand and our husbands, brothers, fathers dont. They just DONT. 

    Ive tried to share certain insecurities/anxieties with DH and all I get is a one word answer or a "hmmm" or catch him zoning out. So Im over that...

     DH is always my #1 best friend but it's good to have a female support system who "get's it".

     

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