Well there goes my holiday spirit (Vent, long)

dmogmo

I am so mad I could cry.

So, background - short as possible:

Holidays are always weird in DH's family. No one can ever make a decision about where they should be.  Half the time FIL doesn't even come.  DH and I are the only ones who have a second set of parents (mine) to see on holidays and we have ALWAYS made it work so we see both. 

TG was supposed to be at MIL's house (ten minutes away from my parents). Even SIL (who has three kids) wanted this - MIL has a bigger house for the kids to roam. DH and I planned to go there to see everyone before dinner and then have dinner at my folks. This is pretty typical. This was the plan since last year.

Well, FIL proposed to me, and apparently to SIL, going to a restaurant or getting partial cater/carry out for TG. I told him no way on the restaurant and we later had discussions about it being at MIL's house with some carryout. Apparently when the restaurant idea was pitched to SIL she lost it.

She sends out this email that they are now having TG at her house, and oh by the way, if you can't make it Diana and S it's cool. We'd like to see you but we know we live too far for it to probably work (they are 40 minutes away). Not the end of the world, but it makes for a hectic day even without a baby, not happening and they new damn well.

And then she says she wants to do an Xmas brunch. We always to brunch with my folks and see his family in the afternoon. We weren't even asked about this - she just threw it out there. So now, I feel like we're being cut out of both. Maybe not intentionally, but that's how I feel.

DH refuses to try and propose alternatives, and instead just threw me under the bus to SIL, even though if the roles were reversed he would make me deal with it. Way to have my back DH.

And, I know that I may sound like a brat - but trust me. The whole reason for the change of venue was so that SIL didn't have to argue with her dad over the restaurant idea. Because NO ONE ever talks about anything in that family. Ever. And that's why DH doesn't want to back me up either.

It pisses me off because I like seeing both families on holidays. I like my families traditions, but frankly, DH's family are more fun. Plus, now that we have G I want him to be a part of both family's traditions.

If you made it through that you get a cookie.
 

oh-zysbaby

Holidays with two families nearby is hard. I deal with this too.

Thanks for the cookie, and I'm sorry.

greenclown

I never understood the holiday dilemmas until I got married (and I don't know why it didn't happen until we were actually married).  I'm sorry you're dealing with it.

Thanks for the cookie.

capinjen152

I hate having to choose.  MIL is always sad that we don't come for TG.  But we see them every week (literally) and my family about 6 times per year.  Maybe you can flip flop next year?

dmogmo

capinjen152:

I hate having to choose.  MIL is always sad that we don't come for TG.  But we see them every week (literally) and my family about 6 times per year.  Maybe you can flip flop next year?

And that's the thing. We've never really had to choose because we've always been able to swing some time with both. And they never do the same thing to years in a row (whereas my family has been doing it one way forever and ever, though they are a little flexible on times for us). So flip flopping doesn't always work either.  

tamerbelles

Ugh. I totally know what you mean. Just when we think we have everything figured out, someone decides to change the plans. I feel bad because someone is ALWAYS left out.

I don't have any ideas for you, just empathy. GL and let me know if you find a way to fix it. 

buckin

I hate having to deal with that stuff. Fortunately my IL's are 4-5 hours away and it doesn't come up much. Occasionally we have to choose though and my family gets all butt-hurt because I'm not there on THEIR schedule which they never ask me about just expect me to come.

So I just make my decisions and if there is something I have issue with I lay down the line and insert my opinoin whether my DH speaks up or not. His mom has always ruled the roost and they just did whatever she said. I however, am not cowtowing to her and will stand up to her. DH just lets me and says "whatever my wife wants" LOL. He did invite them to TG w/o asking me this year but I'm fine with it.

Email your SIL and state your issues and ask to come up with a solution so that your child can participate and throw in a couple compliments of Your family is more fun and I want baby to be with you guys but I have to figure out a way to do the family obligation so is it possible to do and afternoon christmas thing and maybe switch TG BACK to MIL.

I dunno. GL.

dmogmo

buckin:

Email your SIL and state your issues and ask to come up with a solution so that your child can participate and throw in a couple compliments of Your family is more fun and I want baby to be with you guys but I have to figure out a way to do the family obligation so is it possible to do and afternoon christmas thing and maybe switch TG BACK to MIL.

I dunno. GL.

Thanks Buckin. This is basically my plan, I'm not really known for keeping my mouth shut. It's just frustrating.

jCamsquared

That sucks Diana. I'm glad you will say something though, and I hope you can all find a compromise.