Sig other won't tell his parents!

sarahjohannes

I'm sorry about this vent, but I just dont understand him right now!  We have told everyone about our pregnancy except his parents (and his 12 year old daughter).  Our first pregnancy was a surprise, as we were only dating a small time, and his parents are very Catholic, but this time is different!  I have a feeling that they are still going to be judgemental, and I just want to get it out of the way.  I can't deal with his side of the family for much longer!  My family has been nothing but happy for us from the beginning.  How can I get him to tell his parents about #2 so that I don't feel this stress anymore?!

radiokate

Have you talked to him about why he doesn't want to tell? I mean, they're going to find out sooner or later, so why does he feel that later would be better? I imagine you would get the same reaction from them either way, you know?

dstar

Can you tell them?  Or does he want no one to tell them.  First off, I want to say I am not judging you but based on what I am reading from your post, you guys are not married and already have one child.  You say his parents are strict Catholics.  Well, your sig. other is probably terriflied to tell them because you are having a second child out of wedlock and it seems it is against his family's beliefs.  I would be a little bit more understanding to him because this is very fragile ground he is walking on.  I know you want to tell them and you want them to be happy but you guys are going against their beliefs.  If my DH and I had gotten pg before getting married, my family would have been thrilled (granted they are very open minded about things) but his parents would have marched us down to the courthouse to get married right then and there and we were in our late 20's, not children but adults.  I am sorry this is stressing you but remember it is also stressing your sig. other because he does not know how they will react.  I will be sending positive vibes your way and hoping for a positive response. 

sarahjohannes

We have been together for a long time, and have talked about marriage a lot.  He was previously married, and quite frankly, it is not all that important to me.  I saw my mom go through 2 divorces when I was a child, and to me its just a title.  He says that he just wants to wait a little bit to tell them, but the suspense of how they are going to react is just killing me.  I would rather tell them now, than keep feeling stressed out about it!  Besides not getting married, we have done everything right.  We own our home, cars, and have full custody of his 12-year-old daughter.  His parents like me, A LOT!  I think the hormones are making me worry more than I should?  I just don't know!

rissa06

i guess, since I haven't told my parents yet and everything . . for different reasons, but maybe for the same type of thing.  I can kinda understand what he is going through.  Since, this is your second child out of wedlock, and probably is all ready anticipating what they are going to say and how they are going to feel, so he is a little nervous about telling them.  I wouldn't tell them . i would let him do it, but maybe you can support by offering to do it together by setting up a time in which it would be comfortable for both of your to do it. . or let him do it in his own time.  Parents are parents and everyone is going to have a different reaction to the news.  I know my IL's are catholic and wouldn't visit us until we were married, because we were living in sin.  we had been together for 5 years prior to getting married.  I don't know what they would have done if we told them we were pg before we were married.  i don't know what my parents would have done . . 

dstar

I would take a deep breath and then let your SO do it on his time.  Like I said in my previous post, I don't hold anything against you in the order you did things.  Marriage is just a piece of paper and getting married really does not change your relationship.  My DH and I are the same being married as not but you got to remember this is you, and your SO beliefs.  You are dealing with parents that have a strict religious background and also, come from a different era.  When your SO is ready, he will tell them.  I would try and be patient and not get on him too much to tell them.  I am sure it is very stressful on him.

teach2183

You are still very early.  We still haven't told the ILs.  Be supportive and let him tell in his own time.

Maplebear

teach2183:

You are still very early.  We still haven't told the ILs.  Be supportive and let him tell in his own time.

I agree.  We told our parents only a week and a half ago.  He may be a little hesitant to tell everyone, just in case something happens.  I also think that you pressuring him to tell his family, and worrying about their reactions may be stressing him out more.  Give him some time, and allow him to discuss his rationale calmly and he might come around sooner.  I hope everything works out well for you. 

MWoodside

Maybe he wants to wait til after the first u/s or hearing the HB or end of first try to make sure everything is going good.  We haven't told family yet either except my mom & stepdad who we see ALL the time.

sarahjohannes

I probably should just relax.  I guess I just want everyone to be happy for us...like my parents are.   Thanks for everyone's suggestions!

jennairv13

My in-laws drive me freaking crazy.  I can't stand to be around them for very long.  They aren't very supportive of me and my husband either for reasons I don't know or really care about.

I'm sorry you're having to put up with it.  I think you should just give your sig other space to handle it when he's ready.

WaitingOnAMiracle

My DH is the same way, my parents know but his dont. This will be their first grandchild and both have been hounding us for a while to have kids (we were trying but they didnt know). My DH's reasoning is that he doesnt want to tell them, get them excited and then God forbid something happens.

His reasonings may be similar... maybe he's afraid of the "what if"?