DH had to dash MIL's expectations

Jenice32

So DH's parents are Jewish Orthodox and so therefore he grew up Orthodox as well. He didn't like it growing up and he's not religious now. I grew up in a fairly religious Christian household (not as strict as his), so I know where's he's coming from and we are both on the same page when it comes to religion.

I didn't care either way, but DH has decided that he does not want to circumcise LO.

So MIL was in town for a couple of days and she still has hope that DH will embrace his Jewish upbringing. So they were having breakfast (I wasn't there) and he told her that we weren't going to circumcise LO. Of course, she asked if I was the one who influenced him to make this decision, but he explained to her why he doesn't want to and she's somewhat OK it. His father will never be OK with it, so I wonder if she's going to tell him or will we have to. I just hope they doesn't treat me differently because of it and make this a big deal when it doesn't have to be. I mean, they were a bit wary when we started dating because I'm not Jewish. 

Is there anyone else having to deal with parents or inlaws assuming you're going to keep certain traditions alive when it comes to your baby?

ibis

Wow, that was bold of him!

It's not a religious issue for my family but we're not even going to mention that we're not circumcising. I just don't want to hear anyone's opinion on it. They'll find out if they change his diaper, lol.

My family is pretty good about boundaries. I do wonder down the line if they are going to give us a hard time about not bringing DS to church, because DH & I are not religious and my dad really, really is.

My MIL has a lot of opinions about childcare and I imagine I will disagree with her on many things, but she's not that pushy so I don't think it will be a big problem. 

CJ2008

DH and I were both raised in very religious homes (christian) and we will not be raising LO in religion and are not getting her baptised. This is a big deal with my mom (not sure DH's mom knows yet) but we won't undergo a ceremony we don't believe in for other people's sake.

nikalina

It is your baby's penis and you get to make the choice.  Not the in-laws

fisha25

My ex was from a catholic family. He didn't practiced it though. I'm protestant, and i do. When our DD (my oldest who is 4)  was born his mother bought her a baptismal dress and mailed it to me AFTER we had already told her we were not baptizing the baby since we both agreed she would be protestant and in my religion my child has to make the choice to be baptized once they are older themselves. She still insisted that she be baptized catholic and bought her the dress and mailed it to me anyways with a note saying so.

I sent it back immediately telling her it was not her decision. Even we are no longer together my DD dad says she's still mad about it. oh well

lostaspen

MIL is strict Catholic--she's the type that gives the rest of them a bad name, seriously.  DH and I are about the same when it comes to spirituality and religious ideas, which are fairly undefined and vague.  Anyway, MIL has admitted in the past that she intends to "emergency baptize" our future children, apparently regardless of our wishes. 

 After looking up the "emergency baptizing" deal on some Catholic websites...I think she misunderstands the concept completely.  DH and I have decided it isn't worth fighting over some water sprinkled on our children.  I'm guessing she'll attempt to do it secretly...who knows how I'd react to seeing her do it. 

getnmarried910

I think my MIL had expectations of us handing our kids over to let her babysit upon their arrival home.  Uh, no, we nipped that in the bud with DD.  We don't let her babysit now, why would we let her take our newborn (both previous were BFed and she wanted to give DD formula!).  However, she DOES blame me for every decision we make that she doesn't like because she just can't believe her son would decide that.  Usually he's the one initiating those decisions.  Apparently she doesn't know her son as well as she thought she did!

Oh, I thought of a tradition they wanted to keep, but we didn't.  Growing up, DH's grandma always came over in the morning to watch them open presents.  We wanted that time to ourselves on the Christmases we are home because we travel out of town some years.  Some people enjoy this tradition, we do not.  We prefer for it just to be us, but we have to sacrifice that some years in order to see my family, so the years we're home, we enjoy just being us.

Jenice32

ibis:

My MIL has a lot of opinions about childcare and I imagine I will disagree with her on many things, but she's not that pushy so I don't think it will be a big problem. 

Yeah, she has already voiced her opinion on choices we're making with how we're going to raise our kid.  It's a good thing she lives 10 hours away. She's not super pushy but she's definitely not supportive - not like my mother who's so gung ho about everything, even if it's not what she's used to...but I shouldn't compare, right?

ibis

Jenice32:

Yeah, she has already voiced her opinion on choices we're making with how we're going to raise our kid.  It's a good thing she lives 10 hours away. She's not super pushy but she's definitely not supportive - not like my mother who's so gung ho about everything, even if it's not what she's used to...but I shouldn't compare, right?

I think it can be annoying but I try to see it this way: some women are defensive about their parenting choices so you doing things differently makes them feel judged, even if that is not your intent in any way, shape, or form. My MIL raised 4 kids so she doesn't want to think that she might not know what's best for this one, KWIM? 

Jenice32

fisha25:

My ex was from a catholic family. He didn't practiced it though. I'm protestant, and i do. When our DD (my oldest who is 4)  was born his mother bought her a baptismal dress and mailed it to me AFTER we had already told her we were not baptizing the baby since we both agreed she would be protestant and in my religion my child has to make the choice to be baptized once they are older themselves. She still insisted that she be baptized catholic and bought her the dress and mailed it to me anyways with a note saying so.

I sent it back immediately telling her it was not her decision. Even we are no longer together my DD dad says she's still mad about it. oh well

Wow, that's sad. Maybe MILs look for reasons to dislike us.

waytoe

DH was raised with no religion, pretty much. He says they went to church a few times, and that his Mom has always wished they were more religious, but she never made the effort to actually do anything. The only remotely religious thing they do now is celebrate Christmas - without going to church or even mentioning the birth of Jesus.

I'm Jewish. I grew up practicing Judaism - going to services, attending Jewish Day School, studying in Israel for a summer in High School, etc. I've also taught Hebrew School to preschoolers on weekends for the last few years (although not this year). DH likes Judaism and although he's not going to convert (it is an arduous process), he is totally behind raising our kids Jewish and keeping a Jewish home.

Anyway... the other day my MIL asked me if we were going to alternate church and synagogue, and how we plan to raise our kids with both my faith and DH's. She even asked if we would have LO baptized (DH and BIL are not)! I told her that since DH wasn't brought up with any religious traditions that he is attached to, we both agreed to raise our children in the Jewish faith, although we would of course be with her and the other ILs for X-mas. I'm sure that made her upset, but she didn't push the subject.

Good luck with your ILs!

Jenice32

ibis:

Jenice32:

Yeah, she has already voiced her opinion on choices we're making with how we're going to raise our kid.  It's a good thing she lives 10 hours away. She's not super pushy but she's definitely not supportive - not like my mother who's so gung ho about everything, even if it's not what she's used to...but I shouldn't compare, right?

I think it can be annoying but I try to see it this way: some women are defensive about their parenting choices so you doing things differently makes them feel judged, even if that is not your intent in any way, shape, or form. My MIL raised 4 kids so she doesn't want to think that she might not know what's best for this one, KWIM? 

I hope that's where it's coming from. I still don't quite understand her.