3rd Trimester

NBR: DH vent? Question? WDYT?

Brief backgound:  DH works exclusively from home (for years now), which has it's challenges for us, but is mostly an amazing opportunity for our family.  He is a software developer, and his job is more task-completion based than an 8 to 5 kind of deal.  So, he has a lot of flexibility with his time, he just needs to meet certain project deadlines.  He does roughly keep his work hours from 8:30 to 5.

This allows him tremendous flexibility, and he is wonderful at helping out at home.  He generally gets DD dressed in the a.m. while I shower, sometimes he makes lunch for us.  If he has some down time during his day, he may clean up the kitchen or something.  So he's fantastic, and I so appreciate the help.

Here's my question.  DH pretty much takes a nap every single day.  Weird, or no?  I think it's a little strange for a grown person to take a 1.5+ hour nap everyday.  I mean, shouldn't he be getting enough sleep at night?  But he insists that anyone who had the opportunity would do the same.  I disagree, b/c I pretty much have the opportunity every day while DD naps, but I rarely do.  I'm not much of a napper, though.  I may watch TV or be on the computer, or sometimes I have things I need to get done or projects I'm working on (like the baby's nursery stuff).

I'm kind of used to it, but sometimes I resent it a bit, b/c I feel like, why wouldn't he just get his work finished -- early if that's the case -- and be available to help with DD so I can start dinner?  Because sometimes it will be 5:30, and he's still working, and I get mad thinking --why did you take a 2 hour nap, if now you have to work late?  And, I don't know, it just seems a bit odd.  And I'm not sure if it's a health concern?  Like he's sleeping too much?  I just don't know any other adults who nap everyday (at least in this country!)  DH points to other countries where afternoon naps are common, and workplaces even shut down in the p.m. for people to rest.  LOL--this is not a big deal for us, just kind of a quiet point of contention, I guess!

WDYT?  Should I just get over it, and appreciate that he helps me out as much as he does?  Or is it kind of weird?  I don't think anything is really going to change -- like I said, I'm mostly ok with it.  I'm just curious what other people think!

Re: NBR: DH vent? Question? WDYT?

  • I think American people are abnormal for not napping.
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  • Well, I go through this with my husband also, but in reverse. I have a chronic condition where I *really* need a nap every day, or I am a basket case. DH didn't understand this for a long time, but he sees how I am without it and it's not pretty. I'm not saying anything is wrong with your DH, but if it helps him be more productive in the long run, then it's probably a good thing.
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  • I would totally take a nap every day if I could, I agree with your DH.... I think it's good for the soul. :)
  • If I could take a nap everyday I would sooo do it!! I am jealous of him!
  • This is eye-opening for me!  It sounds like I'm more in the minority, as a person who doesn't nap well.  I jus wake up more groggy and grouchy.

    I should point out that part of concern about the health issue is due to DH's mother, who has a history of clinical depression, and sleeps A LOT during the day.  She is in bed way more than she is not.  So I just worry a little...

  • I nap every single day now that I'm off work, and I napped every one of my days off when i was working. I think it's just your hormones getting the better of you to all of a sudden be upset with something that has been a normal occurance for a very long time. He's obviously a great help to you, a good provider and a good father, so who cares if he takes a 2 hour nap in the afternoon?

    imo there is no difference between you sitting on your computer for 2 hours and him napping for 2 hours if it's your way of relaxing.

    Me: 37
    DH: 36
    Married: 08-25-07
    DS: 11-20-09

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  • I nap everyday and I'm a software developer. I say layoff him already. Everyone works differently and knows whats good for their body.
  • I would take a nap every day...and totally do when I can! My husband is the non-napper, and he thinks it's excessive, but I don't care. I know how I feel without the nap vs with it, and I'm a much nicer person if I took a nap. My DD is also a napper (she's not quite 2, but still) and still takes 2- 1 to 2 hour naps a day, or she's a real monster.
  • I think napping is normal and very good for you. The U.S. is all about go-go-go which is part of the reason we have alot of problems, health and otherwise. Everyone's sleep needs are different so you really can't compare yourself to him. My DH used to get bigtime anxiety over sleeping in or taking a nap, like he was going to miss out on something or wasn't getting enough done. One time we fell asleep and ended up sleeping for like 4 hours! He woke up in a panic and was like OMG we slept the whole day away! And I was like I know, wasn't it fabulous! The only thing I would say to you is keep out an eye for signs of depression. If the nap thing is new for him he could be sleeping more because he is depressed.
  • Nope it's not strange.  My dad has taken a nap every day after he gets home from work for as long as I can remember (and he is a teacher, doesn't even work 8 hrs per day).  And I agree w/your DH that others would take nap regularly if they had the opportunity.  Just let him be and get over it b/c he will probably be cranky if you push the issue and stop him from napping. 
  • imagelisswastaken:

    I nap every single day now that I'm off work, and I napped every one of my days off when i was working. I think it's just your hormones getting the better of you to all of a sudden be upset with something that has been a normal occurance for a very long time. He's obviously a great help to you, a good provider and a good father, so who cares if he takes a 2 hour nap in the afternoon?

    imo there is no difference between you sitting on your computer for 2 hours and him napping for 2 hours if it's your way of relaxing.

    This. And if i could take a nap everyday i would. I am in bed for 10 hours each night. I might not sleep for all of them but if i don't have that time i feel anxious. Feel fortunate that he helps out as much as he does...i envy that. My dh won't lift a finger unless i leave him a note telling him exactly what needs to be done.

  • While I'm pregnant, I would nap every day if I could. Not pregnant, I would only nap on Sunday afternoons. Never 2 hours, though. 45 minutes max. But now, even on weekends, I often don't nap because there's a lot to do around the house that can't get done during the week since I'm working. How could I nap when I have no clean clothes, need to buy groceries, and the bathrooms haven't been cleaned in 6 weeks?
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  • I can understand being frustrated with his naps if it means he has to work later, and can't help you out while you make dinner. I think that would annoy me too. Having said that, though, I do love being able to take naps during the day when DS is napping. I think a mid-day nap can do a world of good, and that most adults in North America don't get enough sleep at night. I guess some people are just nappers!
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  • I take a nap almost every day. There are some days where I don't feel like I need a nap. DH on the other hand never naps, its not something he can do. IMO its just a difference between the two of us. And we are both okay with that
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  • My dad has had a cleaning business for the last 15 years...he takes a nap daily.
  • It would probably annoy me. I am not a "nap" person. And I thought anything longer than 20 min nap actually makes you more tired. I dont know, an hour & a half seems like a very long nap.
  • I don't think a 1.5 hour nap is bad every day especially if he is keeping his hours to roughly 8-5. My boyfriend is a web developer and works from home. While he doesn't nap, he does definitely "extend" his hours past what would be expected of him if he were to actually be in an office. It seems like your husband is doing a good job scheduling whatever it is he needs to do to help out.
  • I have to side with the husband here...I LOVE naps and would take one if I could.  Even if I'm sleeping well at night, I could easily sleep for an hour or two during the day.
  • You really want to nag him about this? He sounds like he is doing everything else above and beyond to your satisfaction. Don't be that wife.
  • Thanks for all the replies!  I have a different perspective on this, after hearing others' thoughts.  It sounds like DH is right that, given the opportunity, most people would do the same.

    I hope no one misread my OP to think that I constantly nag him or anything.  I don't.  I don't say anything, b/c I truly didn't know if I really had anything to complain and/or worry about.  Sounds like I do not.

    I will keep these things in mind the next time he is sawing logs in the middle of the afternoon!

  • I am definitely one of those people who need a nap every day, and no quick 20 minute power nap, I need to be down for at least an hour. I've always been like that, it's not just during pregnancy.
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