3rd Trimester

Shower Issue, advice please!

I will be having three showers in total: my side of the fam (this Saturday), a work shower (late Nov.) and DH's side of the fam.

It's been tricky scheduling the one for his side of the family (MIL and aunt IL are hosting) because my SIL is out of town for college and it's important that she be able to go. So, originally the idea was to do it over turkey day weekend (worked for me), but now some of the family will be out of town because of the holiday.

So, MIL proposed waiting until after the baby is born to do the shower. We talked about it last night and I said, "Oh, that should work great" not really thinking about the specific timing. She wants to do it when my SIL is still in town for Christmas, which means we'd be looking at the weekend of January 9th. If I'm late, it's no biggie, but since I'm due on the 3rd it seems like a fairly large chance of me either being at the hospital/in labor/recovery or being in the first week post partum (and I don't think I'd want to go to a shower with a baby **that** brand new).

So, do you think I should send a nice email saying that the timing won't work and proposing an alternate date? At this point, I think I'd rather just have fewer people attend than try and schedule it for the week following my due date. I would feel badly if they spent a lot of effort in planning the shower and then I couldn't even make it.

Thoughts?

 

 

image Lucy, 12/27/2009
Pregnancy Ticker

Re: Shower Issue, advice please!

  • I really think that you would be miserable going to a shower with a 1 week old. You might be ok, but you might still be tired and recovering and what if baby is just a few days late and you have a 4 day old or something? I'd just let them know that that you probably wouldn't want to have it then but maybe the SIL will be back for MLK or another long weekend and you can do it then. I can be more of a meet and greet than a shower. The only issue will be that if people buy gifts that you need right away, you won't have them. Just be honest but grateful when telling them. 
  • I agree with you.  My family shower (both sides) is on Nov. 14th, but it's going to be relatively small because most people cannot travel right before the holidays (or so my family said).  My MIL also suggested a post-baby shower, but luckily my SIL told her that wasn't a "shower" and it was stupid.  I was a little agitated that family members kept mentioning that the timing is not convenient, as if we were supposed to consider their schedules in our family planning.

    So I say have it over Thanksgiving weekend with fewer people.  If they can't make it, they can't.  It's more important/relevant to fit your schedule first, then anyone who you think is crucial (sounds like your SIL), then everyone else can decide if it works for them.  I think you'll be too busy in January to mess with it and you're more likely to enjoy it now (and you need the stuff now!).

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  • I don't think that you should plan a shower any where near your due date.  I don't think you will want to be out and about with a week old baby.
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  • I hosted my sisters wedding shower 9 days after I had a c-section and I was fine.  I brought the baby and she was fine.  I say go with it
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  • I really don't think they should plan the shower around one person, especially if that person isn't you. I don't believe I've ever heard of a shower after a baby is born. Aren't you supposed to have it before so you will have all the things you need when the baby arrives?
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  • I know how important it is to have everyone you want to be at your showers at your showers.  But that's not really the easiest thing to do in reality.  I had a family shower where some of my favorite relatives couldn't come because they weren't feeling well, or they had a work trip.  You need to think about yourself and what you will feel best doing.  Showers later in your pregnancy are harder for you to keep energized through.  If SIL can't make it, SIL can't make it.  I know it's hard to say that but really...IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!  At least until LO shows up.
  • Don't plan it near your due date.  You will be in no mood to see a large crowd for at least 6 week pp.  Plus, it is right smack in the middle of flu season and you don't want people passing your baby around like that.
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  • I believe a nice tactful note, or a phone call would be better, saying that you are afraid about waiting that long and that Thanksgiving weekend would be better.  Tell her your fears about going late, not feeling well after ect.  Also tell her that you would rather have the fewer people then not be able to be there yourself. 

    How far away does your SIL go to school.  Would she be able to come home for the weekend?

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  • Even if you deliver a week early, I would not want to have a large party that soon after birth.
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  • I've been to a post-baby shower where baby wasn't there....I didn't mind because baby was less than a week and it was winter. We still had fun but I know a few of the relatives were upset that baby wasn't brought with. I'd probably opt for the earlier shower. Is SIL's college so far away that she can't make a special trip home for it? (I'm guessing so since this hasn't been mentioned as an option?)
  • Thanks ladies. The concept of an after-baby-is-here shower doesn't bother me (we're planning on buying necessities anyway, so it would probably be mostly clothes, which is just fine) it's just the specific timing of it. I'll email my MIL and let her know my thoughts. Hopefully we can work something out.

     

     

    image Lucy, 12/27/2009
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I would rather have a few people come or not be able to come over Thanksgiving weekend than risk being over due or recovering and bring a brand new baby to a shower.
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  • Honestly, there is no date that will work for everyone.  I say go with Thankgiving weekend.  You def don't want all of those people all over your 1 week old baby, well at least I wouldn't.
  • I would say don't do it close to your due date at all.  Things can get pretty crazy having a baby... hopefully they won't, but you never know.  My induction turned into a c-section, and I definitely wouldn't have felt like being the guest of honor at a shower a couple days after major surgery.  As it was, I missed my work shower b/c I was induced 2 weeks early, so even that much earlier than my EDD was an issue. 

    I don't think it's rude at all.  You obviously want as many people there to celebrate it as you can, but in all honesty, ANY date that you pick is going to conflict with certain people... you just have to go with what works for you and the hostess(es)!

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