WWYD about Christmas (long)

orangeluck

I'm just for looking for opinions and an outside point of view , tell me if I'm selfish

Growing up we always celebrated Christmas opening presents under the tree with parents and grandparents after dinner on 12.24, 12.25 we opened stockings with parents and spent the day without visitors hanging out as a family.  I had no cousins or other family near by so this was and still is my idea of what we do.  And this is how DH and I have done Christmas every year since dating- (mostly bc I insisted) but we always went to my parents house on 12.24.  DH's family didn't really have any strong family traditions for this holiday. 

Begining last year now that we have DD we began hosting on 12.24 at our house.  DH works every year until about 4:00 on 12.24 and is off on 12.25, but I made it work last year with help from my mom making dinner and such.

This year DH has been grumbling that we should change the family get together and present opening to 12.25 and do nothing on 12.24, bc he thinks it would be easier.  I really-really don't want to bc it's like changing Christmas and in my mind I just don't want to.  I'm the one who has to make the dinner and coordinate things anyways so I don't feel like he has a strong case for changing it just bc he doesn't feel like dealing with people after work.  I have a feeling he would feel the same way dealing with people on 12.25 anyways. 

So, would you change your family traditions at Christmas in this case? 

Telyco

Personally....the last thing I would want to do is come home to a full house celebration on Xmas eve after work. So I get your DHs feelings.

And I think that you should develop a tradition with your small little family....and Xmas eve sounds like it would be a better day for that. You could do stockings and have a small little dinner and a movie with DH, DD and any other LOs to come.

So I guess my answer to your ? is yes.

MelissaSue81

Nooo. I wouldn't change it. Traditions are important to me..We do my sisters house on Christmas Eve and I think its my favorite part of christmas. (and I always work on Christmas Eve til 5 or 6 so thats not valid)

That being said, I'm trying to get DH and his family to change their family tradition of going to church on christmas day.. because  I think Christmas day should be spent at home with family only.. Church is for christmas eve.. but he's not budging on that one..  Since DH and I have been married our christmases have been super hectic running around to both sets of parents houses and church and blah blah blah.. I just don't want to do that this year.. I don't know how its going to work out with DD.  I'm kind of stressed about it, actaully.

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt

I'm a bit tradition obsessed, I think they're what make the holidays special. I wouldn't change yours. DH and I both have huge families (and with my parents being divorced) we have 700 places to go on 12/24 and 12/25. Yes, it's exhausting, but that's what the holidays are about! You're right- if you're coordinating it- it should be your "call".

KonnubialKat

No, I wouldn't.  That's why it's called a tradition!

Something to consider though - is he grumbling about the celebration or the company?  Is more of your family present than his?  Maybe he's feeling like it's a little inequitable, even though his family didn't have the strong traditions like yours always has.  Just a thought.

jnk062602

I love traditions and agree that you are the one the burden falls on.  However, this isn't really your guys tradition, it is yours and your parents, right?  I don't think it would be a problem to continue it, but it may also be time to start your own family tradition.

MsZoeB

I love traditions and will continue some of my family holiday traditions with our children but I think you also have to be realistic about implementing/ combining them.

It sounds like these are your traditions with your family and don't really take into account your Dh's thoughts. Here is something to consider, would the tradition be around if your father had your DH"s work schedule?

Now is the time to reevaluate the traditions that you start for your children. And you and your DH need to be on the same page so that you aren't starting a tradition of tension around Christmas. 

There are plenty of things that you can do to make both days special. Maybe instead of having a big dinner on Christmas Eve you have a simple meal and prep the dinner for the next night. I liked the idea of stocking or smaller gift exchange with family and a movie. 

abba916

I agree with MrsZoe- of course you want to take some of your childhood traditions and keep some but not at the expense of alienating your own husband. You two and your child are a family now and you have to make traditions that work for all of you...

Try to put the emotions of traditions aside and have a conversation with your Dh- like pp said- it could be that it feels like more of your family, it could be that he really is tired- asking him about what he thinks and making a plan together might get him with the program also he might see how certain things are important to you and bend a little...

Good Luck- change is always difficult especially with traditions and holidays but I think it will be so much better once you both are on the same page... 

Stellabella125

shoot. that IS a tough call. I am really hung up on traditions too. I love my family so much and I always want to spend every second of any holiday with them.

I can totally see your side. Especially if DH doesn't have too many special traditions. However is there a way that you might be able to compromise in some way without completely altering all of your traditions since DH is part of your family too now?  Have you asked him his reasons for changing things around? 

jewelsonu

We don't have any traditions yet.  Our Christmases have been all over the place since we have been together.  Pittsburgh 2 years, chicago 1 year and buffalo for 3.  I want this year for us to start some traditions.  In my family we did like you do.  Visit grandparents on Christmas Eve and then stay at home all day on Christmas.  My mom's theory was if people wanted to visit they can come over but she wasn't taking me and my sister away from our new toys.  to me it doesn't seem like the holiday when you change things.  if you already have traditionsi would stick with them

sugarland726

It's hard enough to mix traditions with two families, but then to try and create one of your own is even worse. My Christmas runs the same way as yours with a big family get together and on Christmas Eve and then smaller events on Christmas Day. Most of the time though DH and I spend 12/25 running to Buffalo and back to see his family. Not to mention that we live 2 hours away from both families. I don't know what we are going to do next year when the baby is here, because I think children should be in their own home for Christmas, but I don't see how that is possible in my case.

I think traditions should be an ever evolving thing taking into considerations each year. Even with your family the tradition started one year due to certain situations that happened and everyone agreed that was the best way to make it all happen. Maybe it would be easier to alter the tradition a bit than have a grouchy husband. Good luck trying to find something that works

olivia_eve

Honestly?  No.  We have the same tradition as you- open all the presents after dinner on Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day is stockings and dinner, but it's a little more low key.  Both my mom and my aunt work retail and had times when they worked on Christmas Eve, but we worked around it and kept the celebration on Christmas Eve.

Just because you're a new family doesn't mean you have to get rid of your family's tradition and start a new one- some of the best parts of traditions is that they get passed down from generation to generation.

That said, I'm sure there's some compromise in there.  I don't know what it is, but maybe you could talk to your husband about one.