Stay at Home Moms

feeling like a bad SAHM

my house is a hot mess, I'm exhausted, I haven't even started to ease baby into a schedule, and I'm struggling in school and it's my last semester undergrad.

I feel like why can't I get it together, and when am I going to? My mom worked, took care of the house and me and my brother, so did my grandmother. I should be able to do the same, but I feel like I'm just not cutting it. Ugh I feel like a horrible stay at home mom, it's alot harder than I expected.

Any advice?

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Re: feeling like a bad SAHM

  • Don't feel bad. You have a lot on your plate. Your LO is still pretty young. That is the hardest part. I still go through days where I think that I am a bad SAHM too. DD is almost 5 months old she is finally starting to really settle herself into a schedule. (of course there are days when everything is out of wack) You will be able to get more things done soon when LO can entertain themselves for a little while. That is usually when I do some things. Or I run like mad around the house when she is napping.

    Can DH help with some of the house work? My DH will sometimes just do one or two things and it can make all the difference in the world. Give him something that you know that he can do that you won't have to give too many instructions. I have my own system for laundry, so DH usually stays away from that.

    Just rest, take care of yourself and LO, and everything will fall into place. Don't be too hard on yourself. GL!

  • You baby isn't even 6 weeks old yet!  I didn't even feel like a human being again until DD was close to 3 months.  Cut yourself some slack.  Do what you need to do to take care of your baby and get your schoolwork done and let the rest slide until the semester is over.  I'm sure your mother and grandmother didn't "have it all together" with a newborn, either.


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  • Your baby is only five weeks old. Cut yourself some slack!  Right now your only concern should be recovering from childbirth and taking care of your baby.  I know how it feels to want to do it all when you're home every day, but you really can't.  It's not good for you at this point.  Give yourself another month or two to really get the hang of being with a baby, and to recover yourself, and then you can try to get into a routine and get things done.  Also, make sure you are sleeping during the day when the baby is.  You need to.  I didn't always do it, but when I did, I felt so much better.  Right now it should be all about bonding with your baby, and survival for you both!  :-)
    BabyFruit Ticker On our way to 3 under 4! DD1 1/22/09 DD2 7/16/10 Baby Boy Due This Summer!
  • I forgot that you're also in school.  Wow.  You need to either have DH do a LOT more of the housework while you finish school, hire a maid, or live in filth for a while.  LOL.  I couldn't imagine focusing on studying with a newborn. 
    BabyFruit Ticker On our way to 3 under 4! DD1 1/22/09 DD2 7/16/10 Baby Boy Due This Summer!
  • It's been a year, and I still don't feel like I "have it together" most of the time. But, looking back I am a lot better at keeping up with things now than I was in the early months.

    Give yourself a break right now, I wish I had! Once you LO is a bit more independent and can sit, play with toys and so on, it starts to get a lot easier.  

    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
  • Give yourself a break. Your LO is on a month old. That's a very hard stage and while your mother and grandmother may have gotten through it, I guarantee they went through rough patches as well. Is there any way you can put off school for a semester or two??
  • ...what the others said...cut yourself some slack! I know it's hard but you have to lower your expectations!
  • My only advice is to be patient.  It sounds like you are doing just fine.  It is crazy in the beginning - sleep deficits, hormones, completely new life style, etc.  I totally can't imagine being in school.  Hang in there.  Give it 2-3 more weeks before you worry.  Things will calm down and even out.  Later you will look back and realized you worried and over analyzed over nothing.  Relax and enjoy, things will get back to normal before you know it and you will miss these times.  GL!  ENJOY!
  • Anyone of those things alone is tough, cut yourself a break, have dh do something with the baby while you get a few hours a week to just relax.  Don't worry about a schedule yet, your lo will soon transition into one.  Just focus on one thing on a time..and a lot more on yourself!
    Mom to Three Sweet Things
    Lifestyle Blog and Health and Wellness
  • I agree with everyone else, your baby is so young!  I think it took me about 6-9 months to get on a good schedule.  I would just concentrate on getting through school, making sure everyone is fed, and get more organized when your baby gets older.
  • I agree with everyone else and I was in the same situation when DD was younger. 

    Now, although I know this is certainly not the case for everyone and am not assuming it is for you, I had my thyroid checked after my 6 week appt. and found out I had post-partum-hypothyroidism (or something like that.)  My doc gave me medication and it really helped my energy level.  Things at home, with DD, and with me really turned around at that point.

  • Girl, I am one of those super organized do-it-all moms, and I could not get it together for a good year after DS#1 was born.  Then it all kinda came together and was great.  Now that we have a newborn, it's all out-of-whack again.  Chill.  You will be fine in a few months when the baby gets into more of a schedule of their own.
  • I agree w/ everyone else.  I know it's so hard to feel like things are so chaotic, but it will settle down eventually--it might just take awhile, and you need to be patient w/ yourself.  Finally, after a YEAR, I feel like I have it 'together'.  We have a schedule, I know when I can shower and get myself put together, I know when I need to get dinner around or get the house in order...but it really took me a long time, and I'm a very organized person.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  Something my mom told me that really stuck w/ me was that our only memories are of our moms when we are much older.  We have no memories of our moms when we were newborns, or even toddlers.  We only saw them and remembered them in action once we slept all night, could clean up our own toys, dress ourselves, were potty trained, had all of our teeth, could feed ourselves...
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  • OMG, your baby is still so little!  It will get much easier... at that age, it's nearly nonstop feeding.  Soon you'll have a little more time to yourself - a lot more play time, and a ton of nap time.  Don't beat yourself up, you'll into a groove that works for you soon.  And do NOT compare yourself to other mothers - you'll always find lesser ones and greater ones.  (I heard this once and thought, so true!) 
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