Any advice re: kids & dealing with death?

Gannon

We had a rough night last night. Fudgie wouldn't go to sleep and was crying/whimpering in his room off and on until after 11:30.

When we were trying to figure it out, first we thought it was a scary dream (maybe brought on by Halloween stuff).

Then when I went into his room again later, he kept saying he 'wanted to keep me forever' and he never wanted to loose us. So I asked him if he had heard about someone losing their mommy and he said yes. He says yes a lot so I asked who. He said 'Vivian'. I never heard of Vivian and I decided to ask at school.

**Warning, Sad stuff here** There is a Vivian at school, her parents are both fine. BUT Fudgie's good buddy, D., lost his daddy a few weeks ago due to a car accident (don't know how Vivian got attached to the story). D has been saying that his daddy has gone to heaven. So, I wonder if this is what got Fudgie so upset last night?

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? Other than trying to reassure him that we are fine, how can I help him relax? He was SO upset last night and just wouldn't stop crying and whimpering. Today he has been fine but I'm wondering what tonight will hold.

Give your babies and hubby's an extra kiss tonight!

shnelly

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.

My advice is not from personal experience but what my mom has told me (someone's grandparent died when I was in preschool and the topic came up) and what she told my cousin when my gma passed away and her son was 2 or 3. 

My mom said that at this age, they are so very egocentric and their fears are often about losing you (esp in your case since it was a his friend's parent) and especially their own mortality. You can reassure him that it was a accident that usually doesn't happen, mommy & daddy are good safe drivers (regardless of real circumstances of accident), you will live to a very very long age and take care of him forever. And the same goes for your son, he will live a very long life and grow to be very very old (like grandparents or someone else he considers old).

I was going to suggest telling him (but only if he brings it up), that his friend's daddy has gone to heaven but will always be there for him even though he can't see him. Can he make a card or a picture for his buddy? As a way to express himself some more?

Big hugs to you and your family.

SarahCee

A good friend of mine lost her husband about 3 or 4 months ago, they have a 4 year old daughter. Both parents are Atheist so it was hard for my friend to explain where Daddy went. She explained that he is 1/2 of her so no matter what he will always be with her... Tough stuff to explain to little ones. :-(

Gannon

Thanks ladies, that's good advice. So far, tonight has gone well. I just hope he stays asleep and doesn't wake up crying again. I might try talking with him after Halloween is over. I appreciate your kind words. I feel terrible for D. and his family.