Nanny saga update (probably going to be a taaaaad long) — The Bump
Atlanta Babies

Nanny saga update (probably going to be a taaaaad long)

Well, nothing else has happened since yesterday, at least. :)

I went home and made up a story for nanny about a coworker whose nanny dislocated the shoulder of a similarly-aged boy she was caring for, simply out of not knowing any better.  OUR nanny flipped...her...lid.  Seriously, got nearly hysterical at the thought that that happened to a kid, and was all in a complete frigging TIZZY that I had to worry about that or that I even had the slightest inclination that she herself might do that. (I think in her mind it was an intentional act of anger, not simple neglect.)  Hi-LARIOUS.  And even this morning, nanny was all in angst and concerned that I'm now worried that SHE might do that (well, DUH), and told me her work life is centered around my baby's safety, yadda yadda yadda.  Told me to call 25 times a day, blah blah blah.

Can you tell I'm sick of hearing about it from her?  I cannot STAND being lied to or deceived, even by someone who's apparently too stupid to know better.  And it makes it even worse that she says all this nonsense to my face.  I know she believes what she's saying, and I do know that she cares a lot about HC, but nanny is just too dumb to be taking care of my child anymore.  I'm pretty sure she's fibbing about naptimes and activities purely because she just doesn't want us to be mad at her for not doing something right.  The problem with that is, it seems to be preventing her from owning up to the minor things that she's messing up, which is some of what had me not able to fully trust her in the first place!

I know you all have heard quite enough about this woman, and someone even replied to my post yesterday about it, and @ Jessica85, you're absolutely right.  But there are some aspects of this situation that I haven't included in my stories, and I tend toward the dramatic side, so trust that I've never really felt my baby to be in imminent danger (up until yesterday, at least) from this woman.  Nanny is stupid and ignorant, but not a mean, vicious person.  She's not knowingly abusive and doesn't ignore or neglect HC day in and day out, otherwise HC would have let me know long before now that she's not comfortable with nanny.  And I haven't seen any changes in behavior that might indicate a fear to be left alone with her, you know?  But I do appreciate the 2 cents, so to speak.  So no worries.

Suffice to say that DH and I are talking nearly nonstop about what to do and when to do it, which is tough to do with him out of town and not due back until tonight.  He's working from home next week so he'll be there to watch nanny and HC fairly often, which gives us a bit of time to move ahead with firing her and getting HC settled at the daycare I checked out last week.  It means a whole new adjustment period for us, but I have hope that it'll be much easier to transition her now than it was 4 months ago, for a lot of reasons.

Thank you all for reading/listening/responding/supporting; I appreciate the responses and righteous indignation on my and HC's behalf. :)  Cross your fingers that today goes better (I've of course made it crystal clear that nanny should NEVER lift HC up like that, and I think she's aware of my stance on that, given that I told her if anyone did that to my kid I'd probably strangle them), and that next week's transition is at least not a complete debacle!

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Re: Nanny saga update (probably going to be a taaaaad long)

  • I guess I don't get why you don't fire her now and move on? This has been going on for so long and I would never allow my child to be in a situation that causes me so much stress and angst, if I, for a second, thought someone wasn't taking care of him in the right way we would be done. I'm sorry you are going through this but I think enough is enough and it is time to cut your ties with her.
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  • imageandrea922:
    I guess I don't get why you don't fire her now and move on? This has been going on for so long and I would never allow my child to be in a situation that causes me so much stress and angst, if I, for a second, thought someone wasn't taking care of him in the right way we would be done. I'm sorry you are going through this but I think enough is enough and it is time to cut your ties with her.

    Ditto.  Even if you feel like your child isn't in any imminent danger, just the "what if's", lies, and stress alone would have me fire her.

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
    EDD 2/15/14 - Stillbirth at 21 wks 10/02/13
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  • Amy--so sorry this is all happening.  When you do go to fire her, I wouldn't give too much notice because she might bail on you.  This happened to my manager..her nanny just stopped showing up on time when they gave her a month's notice.

    Also, the arm dislocation thing happened to my friend's Stacy's little girl (Susan's friend)...she just grabbed her arm to keep her from falling on an escalator and it injured her

    Do you have a Ladybird Academy by you?  That's where we send the kids and we are at the original one.  The owner is the director and her kids attend the school.  I've really like it so far--I think they have othe locations around Orlando.

  • I dont want to be callous because I am not that way, but it seems like you need to get on with it and get rid of this nanny.  We've all listened to you talk about how unhappy you are with her so I guess I just dont get why you havent fired her yet and moved on?  She's your #1 priority.   I would fire her and have her leave that same day. This is YOUR child.   Her safety is above everything else. Neglectful and stupid is more than reason to fire someone that watches a child.  Even if it isn't intentional.  Good luck!
  • Personally, I would not have lied to her about the "friend of a friend" scenario.   Because at the point when she started saying, "I would never..." I would have wanted to scream in her face "yes you would!"  The fact is, she is lying to your face on this, you know it, and now you can't call her on it.    It makes you wonder what else she's lying to your face on, as you mentioned.  

    What you saw on the video is grounds for dismissal IMHO.  I would have said point blank, "I've been watching on the nanny cam, I am not comfortable or happy with this and its time to sever ties."

    She's given you a lot to vent about and I can't understand how the day care situations are so bad down there that you feel you have to keep this woman around. I am glad to read you've found a daycare for HC, I hope it works out.   Good luck.  

  • Hey girl, I know you are frustrated here and it's a tough situation all around, but really, I think the others are right- you need to end this now, not in a week or whatever.  Just tell her that you thought about it some more and you've decided this situation is just not a good fit.  Offer to pay her some severance but just get it over with.  I really believe you will be so much happier when this is all behind you.  Good luck and big hugs!

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  • Um...did I not say in my diatribe up there that we ARE firing her?  Not sure if that wasn't clear but the plans are in the works and she is GONE as soon as we can make sure we have a next place for HC to go to.  Daycare is set up; just have to make sure they're ok with her not having MMR shot just yet, though we have that appt as well.  So just so I'm clear, we ARE firing the nanny.  Just not today, as DH isn't home from traveling for work and I need one of us to be able to remove HC from the situation if the nanny gets upset and starts acting crazy.  Definitely won't give her notice (as in, no more days of work after we tell her she's gone) OR severance; we pay her in cash and we're pretty sure she's fudging on taxes and/or drawing unemployment as well, so I don't feel the need to do that.  Again, firing WILL commence ASAP.  But thanks.
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  • no it wasn't clear because you said your hubby would be working from home NEXT WEEK to watch the nanny.
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  • I guess I don't get why you are upset with those of us who suggested firing her? I actually read your post a few times because I was really unclear as to whether or not you were going to, and with your dh working from home watching them that confused me even more. Regardless, this has not been the first post of yours about her and you hadn't let her go yet so I think we were all simply saying there is no time like the present, especially when it involves your dd.

    And, fwiw, if it was me I would do it today if I had any reservation about her at all. I would figure out a way to do so.

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  • Ah...that makes sense--sorry for the confusion!  I think we were looking at next week as "better" b/c DH will be at home, but we're planning on firing her Tuesday (I'm working until after 8pm Monday) and starting HC at daycare Wednesday.

    I'm not at all mad at anyone who suggested firing her; ITA with that!  Just was confused as to why you all thought we WEREN'T going to do it, but now that makes sense why it was a bit murky.  I think I was just hoping against my better instincts and judgment that we could make the best of a crappy situation, especially since we originally enrolled HC at a daycare that turned into a terrible situation for us before this nanny came into our lives.  Just feel so frustrated and upset that nothing seems to have gone smoothly re: childcare since we moved to Orlando, is all, and I was hoping that this would improve with time and patience.  I know no childcare provider is perfect, but having a nanny at home with HC seemed to make the most sense to our family in this situation, and knowing we couldn't have afforded to pay another one more than we're paying this one now, we tried everything we could to make it work.  And obviously seeing what I saw yesterday, there's no going back from that.  

    Thanks to everyone for your input and support; I really am not at all upset with anyone who said anything, and it's nice to have the backup to not go backwards from this point like it seems might have been happening up until now.  (And FWIW, there have been some good things about this nanny; those just aren't really post-worthy so they don't get mentioned.  But certainly not enough to offset the latest.)  Here's hoping that the new daycare is a big step up from the first one, and from having someone inept watch my girl!

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  • Where are you in Orlando again?  I can ask my sister for her daycare recs if you'd like.

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
    EDD 2/15/14 - Stillbirth at 21 wks 10/02/13
    EDD 8/12/15 - MMC 1/12/15
    EDD 12/24/15

      
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  • It seems to me you have handled this situation the best way you possible could have.  You have the same normal reaction to want to go batsh!t crazy on this woman, but have been able to react in a logical way.  Up until now, you have had no reason to think that HC was in any danger at all.  She just hasn't been getting the right kind of attention and nanny was lying.  But all in all HC has been safe and is thriving even with less than ideal care. 

    And wise caring mommy that you are, you put in a nannycam to make sure that you can continue to at least feel ok that HC is safe and have vented your frustrations about too much CCN watching in the house.  HC has been safe.  Anyone worried about the safety of HC clearly doesn't know you, how great your judgment is, and what an awesome mom you are. 

    Now that you have seen something that crosses the line, you're taking appropriate action.  It's easy for others outside of your situation to be indignant and claim they would fire immediately and stay home, etc, but with a husband away working and a fulltime job, dude, it's just not that simple.  Seems to me like your plan is the best one possible, allowing for a transition in the best possible way, without compromizing HC at all.  You've been challenged in a crappy way and are handling it so much better than so many of us would.

    All my love and support to you - hope the transition goes smoothly.  HC is such a sweetie, and I bet she shopws you how super resilient she is and is giddy happy at daycare. 

    And if not, ship her up to me please and we will adopt her!!!!!  I'll block CNN from our TV, promise!

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  • Jan.....I totally dig you, I really do.  But I have to just laugh sometimes at your posts since you've had your daughter.  I've read your posts since the Knot when you were planning your wedding and dude, you are so not the same person!  Back in the day you would have snarked the hell out of this post....you know you would ;)  Sorry for the off topic post....
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