Annoyed at DH's carelessness

Stacyc625

I swear- i am getting more and more annoyed with my DH. He watches her from 530 until she goes to bed at 645. He does bath time and bed time as well as feed her dinner. HOW MUCH TROUBLE can happen in ONE HOUR and 45 minutes????

Yesterday we wound up having an argument in TEXT- which was ridiculous- (i was in class so i couldn't be on the phone)-

DH was going through the mail and not watching Gisele last night. She cornered the cat and he scratched her face several times. underneath her eye and nose and side of her face. I FLIPPED out.

I am so tired of him being careless. He doesn't realize that at this age you need to be two steps ahead of her ALWAYS. Every second. Because something can happen LIKE THAT.

What irks me even more was he was p*ssed at the cat and was taking no responsibility for this situation.

An animal will react instinctively when backed into a corner. Usually Gisele is VERY loving to our cat- so i can't imagine her trying to hurt him- he just felt cornered.

DH STILL has not been home alone with Gisele for more than 3 hours so he just doesn't realize how much work it is keeping toddlers out of trouble and safe. It is exhausting.

soontobemrs.S

They just don't understand and where I find it hard is that I don't want to belittle him as a parent or come across like I am because if I hurt his confidence than it's only going to get worse. Dh is awesome with dd but there are times where I think how could you do that or miss that?!

suzymarie

Well, not to excuse your DH, because obviously he should have been paying attention, but I do think you overreacted a bit.

Like you said, it is really ahrd to keep up with a toddler, and it is exhausting.  They change so fast that it is easy to forget their new "tricks".  Since DH is home with Ds all day he is beter at remembering that DS is really into climbing up on the back of the couch, or whatever, but since i only see him for an hour or 2 at night, it is ahrder for me to keep up on that.  Whereas DH already peeled DS off the couch 15 times that day, so he feels like "how could I not know DS would try to climb the couch the minute I left the room".

Plus I probably sympathise with your H some bc I am the more laid back parent, and it is really annoying when he gets on me for letting DS do something that I think is plenty safe enough.  I fully admit that I don't know much about cats but it doesn't seem to me like any real harm was done or like the cat could have hurt her that badly. 

Andrewsgal

I am going to play DA here. That could have happened to anyone. I don't keep an eye on my baby 24-7 I can't especially  since I have two. Kids will get hurt, it happens. One day it will happen on your watch too. Don't be too hard on him. Daddy's parent different than mothers and actually studies have proven that kids need both ways to really thrive.

Stacyc625

No- really i am not overreacting- because this isn't the first, second, or third time something has happened while he has watched her. No of course you can't stop each and every thing that can happen- however he is very careless.

jenifairies

Sorry she got hurt. I wouldn't blame the cat either, but DH would. He's not an animal person and doesn't listen to me much re: the dogs. Our aussie is not a fan of DD. DH will hold DD on her like she's riding a pony and the dog just gives me the side eye. There's no reason to screw with them!

Anyway, I really think men just suck at multi-tasking. We can talk on the phone, fold laundry and still watch the kids. Not an excuse by any means and if DH tried to tell me that I'll tell him to stick his excuses somewhere, BUT I really don't think they're good at it. If DH is doing anything, he zones in on it and doesn't pay attention to much else. God forbid there's a game on.

You would also think dinner/bed/bathtime would be the easiest. I mean, it's not like it's free play time and they have to be chased around the house. I get you.

gobigblue

i hear ya.  DH lets DD play on the couch w/ him while he's watching tv.  so he gets entranced at his stupid Sports Center and there she is at the edge getting ready to fall onto the hardwood.  ugh!  happens all the time.

susanmosley

Similar situation here too but so far we are able to laugh about it - to a certain extent.  DD has been scratched by the cats 2xs on DH's watch (none on mine, BTW and I am with her a lot more).  We suspect she also swallowed a rock while outside with DH.  THAT one really bothered me, but DH felt so horrible and was so upset that I couldn't be upset with him.  I am sure my time will come when something occurs while she is with me...but he is much more laid back that I am.

Temp174496125006552

Yeah, I'd be pissed off too.

He's never been alone with her for more than 3 hours?  I think you need to plan a day out (shopping, massages, whatever), so he can get a real sense of what it's like to be her sole caretaker for a day.  Maybe then he'll realize that he needs to be "on" all the time.  GL! 

EnglishMajor03

jenifairies:

Sorry she got hurt. I wouldn't blame the cat either, but DH would. He's not an animal person and doesn't listen to me much re: the dogs. Our aussie is not a fan of DD. DH will hold DD on her like she's riding a pony and the dog just gives me the side eye. There's no reason to screw with them!

Anyway, I really think men just suck at multi-tasking. We can talk on the phone, fold laundry and still watch the kids. Not an excuse by any means and if DH tried to tell me that I'll tell him to stick his excuses somewhere, BUT I really don't think they're good at it. If DH is doing anything, he zones in on it and doesn't pay attention to much else. God forbid there's a game on.

You would also think dinner/bed/bathtime would be the easiest. I mean, it's not like it's free play time and they have to be chased around the house. I get you.

This.  One million percent.  It's tough not to think how careless our H's can be but I just keep reminding myself that H is doing the best he can.  Luckily DD has never gotten hurt under his watch...can't say what I'd do if she did though. It wouldn't be pretty.

Also- just catching up on some old posts and saw that your going to TTC in a few months!  I wish you luck from the fertility gods!  

gatogrrl

DH is actually super-careful with DD, more than I am.  But he is the worst at keeping track of time.  I'll come home from errands and it's half an hour to her bedtime and he still hasn't fed her.  Then he wonders why she's been cranky!  It drives me nuts. 

emathis2

seans_grl:

Yeah, I'd be pissed off too.

He's never been alone with her for more than 3 hours?  I think you need to plan a day out (shopping, massages, whatever), so he can get a real sense of what it's like to be her sole caretaker for a day.  Maybe then he'll realize that he needs to be "on" all the time.  GL! 

This.  I know its hard to let them watch the child alone, but they need to learn how to or you'll never get any time away.  Men can be so careless... I am actually scared to leave DH with DS because he is so lazy. Hopefully he will get better in time

Daisy77

I agree that men just can't multi-task with kids/household stuff unless they are a SAHD and they do it all the time.  DH calls it being "relaxed".  Yeah.  So shampoo on the floor is a great activity for the kids?  We can't close the bathroom door?  

I love the man dearly, but there are some days where I just look at him and say, "Really?"  I can talk on the phone, fold laundry, watch Y&R, listen to the kids, chew gum, and scold someone at the same time.  Yet, our living room of toys will march past him, out our patio door, and down the steps onto the grass and he won't notice a thing.  True story, happened this past summer.  I went to answer some emails and came upstairs to find DH on the couch, the living room EMPTY.  DS and DD#2 carried everything out our patio door and threw it down the steps.  He's a great dad and all, but good grief! 

vicnik

So sorry to hear that.  You know men sometimes have problems with taking ownership of the bad things.  But....it sounds like it's just a character trait (being careless).  Instead of fussing, try a different approach.  Just nicely ask him to please be extra attentive during this very SHORT time period.  Perhaps if they have a strict schedule where he doesn't watch tv, doesn't leave the room without Gisele, and stays off of the phone (texting included)....things might improve.  He shouldn't take his eyes off of her.